Reviews for this could have been about you
for shame chapter 25 . 10/15/2009
ohsnap, it's me! (:

i like this one.

particularly "...you would make this emergency room romantic".

i feel like there's a lot of sarcasm behind that line.

but maybe it's just the way i read it.

i've missed this collection.
nevermore199 chapter 25 . 10/14/2009
The return! D Very nice job.
I Dance Alone chapter 24 . 8/30/2009
These are all very good, I like them.
dragonflydreamer chapter 12 . 8/9/2009
[you promised to catch me, you filthy little liar] I like the placement of “filthy little liar” (penname?) It’s so harsh and bitter—nice interjection into the piece.

Overall, not the most original concept. The analogy of falling is used to death, as is the formatting of it. Still, looking at it from the perspective of fitting the pennames together, you really did a good job of making a smooth, solid poem. I couldn’t even pick out which parts sounded like pennames.

~Sparkles from the Review Marathon (link in profile)
dragonflydreamer chapter 11 . 8/9/2009
I like how the last stanza progresses through the different occasions. I don’t think that was the product of the pennames, so I can safely give you credit for the creativity there.

[b-b-beautiful i am] I didn’t like the repeated letter there. I didn’t see the need for it.
dragonflydreamer chapter 10 . 8/9/2009
I like the first stanza. I can really find myself relating to it’s meaning.

[because there's an e(a)rnest bloom building itself/up inside of me] Nice placement of that penname. I’ve wondered about his meaning before, but you used it very effectively without fully grasping its meaning yourself. I like the image of a building bloom. I usually think of bloom as slow and gentle, but “building” sounds so much more forceful.

(Ernest Bloom)
dragonflydreamer chapter 9 . 8/9/2009
I like the sexual theme you give this. I doubt any of the pennames (again, I don’t know any) had that implication, so it was creative of you to twist them into such a clear message that they originally had nothing to do with.

[your eyes are burning like coal and marigolds] I love that line. Burning eyes and burning coal are common images, but I’ve never thought of burning marigolds before.
dragonflydreamer chapter 8 . 8/9/2009
Ah /love/ the first line. Creative description, and the word “tear” is so strong for a first line.

[curling the crinkled aster ribbon of our integrity] I like this line a lot, and it really seems like a central point of the piece. You make “integrity” such an important value that, even though there’s a new “wonderland,” too much was sacrificed for the new world to be worth it. I like the bitter twist on the concept of a new “dawn.”

(your taste of stardust, thursdays and rain)
dragonflydreamer chapter 7 . 8/9/2009
I like the twisted sense of romance in this, with phrases like “creepy kisses” and “sloppy firsts.” By contrast with “dancing with sunflowers,” you make the latter seem like the better life.

Powerful last lines. It’s an emotion that I think a lot of readers can relate to.

(. .sunflowers., . )
dragonflydreamer chapter 6 . 8/9/2009
[and dollfaced cancer has become/the new trend] Great lines! The use of “dollfaced cancer” really fits the notion of a trend well.

[sh-sh-shatter.] I like the way you put that. I see it as either fitting the shattering, or the narrator is stuttering on the word.

Linked together well to create a coherent and powerful meaning.

(dollface and her cancer, Fractured Illusion :D)
dragonflydreamer chapter 5 . 8/9/2009
I like the italics in the second line. It makes the words so smooth and chilling, which fits the concept of “softer sin” well.

[She smolders] Nice opening. Very powerful and eye-catching—it really pulled me in.
dragonflydreamer chapter 4 . 8/9/2009
[a(n already) silenced revolution] Nice line. I like your use of parentheses.

I like the concept here. With lines like “as we danced in the streets/and sang our poetry to the skies,” it seems like such a good thing to set aside the revolution and live like this, but then you switch the reader’s opinion and convince them that it’s cowardly and something needs to be done.

(silenced revolution)
dragonflydreamer chapter 3 . 8/9/2009
I like how you fit “faking closure” and “recycled rhymes” together. I assume they’re both pennames (though I don’t recognize either one), so it was creative to tie them together like that. (Like you mentioned before, your main effort is on tying these ideas together into something new, so I’ll do my best to focus my comments on that).

I actually don’t know any pennames from this one. I like how this collection is making me realize how big fictionpress is and how little of it I’m actually familiar with.
dragonflydreamer chapter 2 . 8/9/2009
[your name will/fall off my lips in a breath] I love that line. I don’t know if it’s a penname or your own wording (though I’m leaning towards the latter), but it’s a beautiful image.

[maybe, just maybe, you're ever coming back] I like how you broke up “maybe, just maybe” like the second part was an afterthought. The tense of the rest of it was strange, though. For some reason, I think “you will ever come back” fits better. Could just be me.

(october lies)
dragonflydreamer chapter 1 . 8/9/2009
*cracks knuckles* All righty, gonna tackle another one of these collections :D

I love your idea here. So creative. So many times on fictionpress I see all these creative pennames. It gives me that feeling like “wow, if this is their penname, their work must be amazing.” This is a nice tribute to such creative writers. You also must have done a lot of browsing around this site to find all of these, so kudos.

[old grandfather chimed twelve/as beauty dies] Powerful line. The tone before this, especially with your choice of “dear” was semi-condescending, but this makes it really bitter and harsh.

[, and her dignity —] Interesting use of punctuation at the beginning, starting a line with a comma. It really made me take a pause there and separate “and her dignity.”

(Pennames I recognize: fairytale failure)

~Sparkles from the Review Marathon (link n profile)
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