|Reviews for Oh Cindy, where has the Moon gone?|
| Liliot chapter 1 . 8/24/2009
I loved it. Unlike a previous reviewer, I do love that you didn't add commas in certain places because it made the "unhealthy obsession" felt. Even before I got to that line I could tell the narrator was in desperate need of an answer to the title's question. The heavy rhyming towards the end also added to this effect, as it read very fast in my mind. Wonderful, original style.
| simpleplan13 chapter 1 . 5/24/2009
"because I'm searching I'm searching"... I felt like there should be a comma between searching and I'm
"please tell me do tell me which way"... again I felt like there should be a comma here as well
"Because I'm looking/I'm looking"... again a comma
"I worry I worry this cycle is numbing."... here too
"oh sweety oh honey"... sweetie and also a comma
The last part of the first stanza seemed like a runon.
I do like this piece, it's well written as always. I also like this ambiguous Cindy person. It allows the reader to use thheir imagination.
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| LostInMe chapter 1 . 5/11/2009
I like this a lot! The feeling are expressed strongly in the words, especially with the repetition. I'm not sure I like the use of the word "hey" on line 3, but it's your poem. Overall it's really excellent!
| Laugh With Rage chapter 1 . 5/8/2009
I really enjoyed this. I think overall it was very well written, but the second half flowed a bit better. You convey a lot of feeling in this. Great job and keep writing!