Reviews for Almost Home |
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![]() ![]() ![]() oh, Another evil introduced into the story. Get her Scarlette |
![]() ![]() ![]() oh, its getting god! |
![]() ![]() ![]() I like it, the ex-husband is a jerk...i hope nothing good comes for him :) |
![]() ![]() ![]() A wow factor. Super chapter. If you want to express and try out writing challenges, join Crazy Fiction Challenges now. Winners will be pointed out all around fictionpress. Have a go this months theme is halloween for rules go to homepage. Or our website crazyfictionchallenges./. Thankyou. |
![]() ![]() ![]() GAH! write more, now this is way to not ended. I wanna see what happens... please . |
![]() ![]() ![]() Hah, very nice chapter. I've split my lip open before and didn't realise it was bleeding until my sister pointed it out. I was more worried about my nose because it was hurting so much. xD |
![]() ![]() ![]() Do we get a new Chapter soon? I really quite like this story though at times it seem s a little odd. It's a good kind of odd though. Would love to read more. |
![]() ![]() ![]() Hello again! So this is a good chapter. I like the foreshadowing at the end ;) The conversation between Scarlette (is she Annabelle too?) and Rita is pretty confusing though. I didn't follow what was happening. I would just change that around a little and it should be awesome! |
![]() ![]() ![]() Hello! So I think that your story idea is so cool! I can't wait to read more! It's very, very good. But I noticed you asked someone to Beta read :) I would like to offer some suggestions. #1: After you out a quote in for a conversation, you need to capitalize the word after you end the quotation. #2: "Cars sped past her oblivious to one little girl. The drivers had better things on their minds, what was for dinner...would they get that promotion...did they study enough for finals...and all sorts of other things that seemed like the world depended on the answer." This sentence, needs to be changed. I would make every thought a new sentence and italicize them, so we know that that is what Annabelle is thinking. #3: Go through and reread this chapter. At parts where you pause in your reading, put in a comma. You have a lot of parts that are runon sentences, and need a comma to seperate them. #4: "Somehow that kind of smile didn't seem to fit right on him, you expected him to snarl at you from under all that black mass of curls really." Take out the really. You don't need it. I love this! I can't wait to read more. You have a nice writing style. :) |