|Reviews for Pass Me The Story Book|
| Variable estrella chapter 1 . 7/28/2009
Word choice: Your word choice is spectacular. The "dead of day and light of night" is the best example of this. It conveys a lot of complicated stuff just in a few words, which is always a good thing in a poem. Also, in the second stanza "plastered" is very effective; it again gives you the idea right there with that one word.
Word Play: I love the way you took the old cliched metaphor "wearing her heart on her sleeve" and changed it around. Extending it for 2 more lines was great: all of a sudden it's a nice little metaphor instead of a tired dusty old cliche.
Form: The form was very nice and simple in the beginning three stanzas; I loved the rhyming because it wasn't overdone. After that, though, I started to loose the rhythm; the poem felt a more free-form which threw me for a loop.
Subject: The subject was pretty good. It was a little subtle, so that there was a some question about what was going on, but not so much that I couldn't get the idea. Pretty good, but it did leave me wondering a bit.
All in all this is a very pretty, moving little poem that packs a punch. Awesome :)
Review Game WCC Depth Review
| Kate Marshall chapter 1 . 7/25/2009
The stanza about the girl wearing her heart on her sleeve I liked best. The speaker says it's not really her heart, and it just reminds me of pretending. Because of that, I thought she seemed very believable in that stanza. :)
"in the dead of day and light of night."
First, I love the contradiction in that. It's wonderful. The imagery is fantastic, and it tells a lot about the girl in the poem. So poetic.
Second, it should be "the light of night". So it's parallel.
I love reading poetry about people. And your two characters were interesting. They kept the poem from feeling dull or stale. I thoroughly enjoyed reading them. :)
-Peach, RG easy fix review.
| fatbird33 chapter 1 . 7/15/2009
yay! i'm so happy you won the WCC, your poem was amazing! here's your prezzie:)
okay i'm going to start off and say i really liked this poem. i think that it had a great story to it and a great message.
some of your lines were just perfect like: "She wears her heart on her sleeve they say,
but I know it’s not hers." that's pretty much the most genius line i've seen in a while. great!
i loved how it told a story. most poems don't have like a 'storyline' you know, it's just feelings and such, but this one definitley told one and i loved that.
there was only one line that i thought could have been changed and that was the first one. i think that you could potentially delete the "sometimes". it might flow better.
congrats on winning the WCC you definitley deserved it because clearly you're an amazing writer and i'm for sure going to check out more of your poems right now:)
| lipleaf chapter 1 . 7/1/2009
You have a very unique writing style, as always. I really like the flow of this poem- it rolls off the tongue well, and I know because I read it out loud. The way you flipped around day and night- the dead of day, the light of night- it gave a special mood to the poem, a bit like chaotic harmony. I liked it. My favorite part was "She wears her heart on her sleeve they say,
but I know it’s not hers. She just borrowed it for a while". I'm not sure why, but it just clicked.
By the way, what's the relation between the poem and the title? Just wondering.
| ArekuKawaii chapter 1 . 6/9/2009
'I watch her walk home sometimes,
in the dead of day and light of night.'
Like most poems that seemed to be the best of the poem. I really like those lines because they made the best image.
'Do her black eyes deceive?
Or is that far away stare screaming back at me?'
I also liked that part because this made me think of crows actually staring and trying to get to someone. I know that is not what you meant but that is what I picked out of it.
| crazyman12 chapter 1 . 6/8/2009
Ah, I really liked this one. Especially the first wo lines, "...In the dead of day and light of night." Great use of opposites, that really caught my attention. I appreciated some of the hidden rhyme, me being the one always looking for poetic meanings :) great job!
| AshesofGrace chapter 1 . 5/21/2009
That was really good. I like how you have her ask and then just walk away without really waiting for an answer. I also liked in the beginning when you said "in the dead of day and the light of night." The contrast is really good. Overall an amazing write.
| Meg Free chapter 1 . 5/20/2009
wow i like it! its a poem I'm guessing. and its really good