i rly like the story, it has a nice flow to it

keep on writing )

This is the type of story you could easily turn into a novel. Beautiful yet simple example of how frail humans truly are.

*Hmm, this is one of those times where a person contradicts their initial positive response with a negative 'but'...*

I enjoyed the ease in which the story flowed, adore Jeffery and his slutty tendencies, loathed Brian, but I found the ending anti-climatic.

It was realistic, nothing wrong with that; I didn't even want him to get back together with Brian, but I just felt like it ended forcefully.

Maybe I just wanted to know more about Jeffery's lover?

Hm I liked it but it just seemed... so abrupt. This whole chapter felt rushed and I didn't really find the closure I was expecting. :\ I hope you do come back to revise this, it has the prospect of becoming a very good ending.

Well this is a bit of a twist. I think you have a very good story here. You seemed to take your time in writing it out and the details and descriptions pull the reader in.

I feel bad that Jeffrey has to give up his body and the fact he was hurt but you are building him up to be a like able character with a drive for life. I like his attitude of taking opportunity when ever it knocks.

The line for me is when he said something about missionaries being poor and the disgusting Marcus tells him they are not Monks. I really laughed at that one.

I like how you used it again at the end with the woman, but it made me think...Are they just screwing him because of his looks and he's allowing it so easily? He seems to be very nonchalant about sex so I wonder if he will have any restraint in later chapters.

Over all great work and really well written!

Momo author of My Queen - Pay it Forward the Roadhouse

o_o...Brian's married? Oh crap Jeff you better find out what you're going to do fast.

Love this so far! I really sympathize with Jeffery, all though I love how deviant he is. The missionary thing is very clever and interesting. Brian seems like an interesting character too, I can't wait to get to know him a bit better. Very fast-paced, but I like that, especially as it doesn't seem at all rushed. Perfect amount of descriptions and dialogue, gives a clear picture in your head without being too detailed. The dialogue is also smooth and not a bit wooden.

Wonderful time-setting too. And of course a highly addictive plot! Can't waot for an update!

Oh poor Jeff. I'm really intrigued by this and I hope you update soon. I want to see Brian's reaction.

Jeffery meets some really bizarre people. Thompson and Filkins, and the guy on the bus... I can't wait for the next chapter. We'll get to see Brian! I more intrigued about Brian now since Thompson said he needs an "intervention with God." Brian didn't seem like a bad guy or anything so I'm really curious to find out about his current situation...

Took me a while to get around to this but it was worth it to read both chapters in one go. Definitely enjoying this more and more and I can't wait to see what more you bring out. I'm so interested in Brian and his relationship with Jeff. *o*

Great story so far! It's really original! Please continue _

I guess this was a filler, but i like that it was still really impotant. It gave important cultural notes to understand the story more. and it still moved the story forward! so it's still a good chapter.

I like that you showed the father and Brian in flashbacks, it was a good idea. it was also a good idea that the pastor realized that jeffery wasn't really a missionary.

This is a really interesting start, one of the best first chapters i've ever read.

Good, well written little chapter and another vignette that gave us an insight into Jeffery's character. Kind of funny too. I love it how even you bad characters seem to have at least some redeeming qualities.