Reviews for Marcel
ArekuKawaii chapter 1 . 8/10/2009
The first two lines seem out of place of the rest of the poem due to the format. They are really long compaired to the rest, and the subject seems weird for the first two lines, but that is just me.

'diverting howls,'

'huffing grey footprints'

I like those two lines because they stuck out for me and stayed in my mind while reading the rest of it.

Good job overall.

Areku
tonight we bloom chapter 1 . 7/5/2009
The first two lines

PERFECT.
Louis Denair chapter 1 . 6/9/2009
Interesting. The lover of the speaker seems to be a muse, latent, sleeping, a sort of Shakespearian muse, like in the sonnets.

'exhaling

the unspoken language'- some Freudian connotations perhaps? Repressed subconscious desired failing to externalize themselves in words(poetry).

I really like the expression 'I peck his cheek with my long lips'- it's so brutal, so strangely ambiguous. A kiss- but a resentful, aggressive kind. Looks like the man is in for some scolding should he ever wake up.
frannyandfranny chapter 1 . 6/3/2009
I love the idea of someone leaving footprints on unused poetry. Pretty but sad. Also, "long lips" is fantastic image-it sticks with the rest of the imagery which creates this dissonant mood.
x.Miss.Twiztid.x chapter 1 . 5/29/2009
Gods, this is lovely. You have a wonderful ability with detail and description, and the way you write is just gorgeous.
Simply Relative chapter 1 . 5/25/2009
That was absolutely gorgeous. Your word choice is captivating, and they mend so cleanly to form the image of the man they intend to create.

A delicious read.
Amaury chapter 1 . 5/25/2009
Beautiful. I really enjoy your writing.
Ayx chapter 1 . 5/25/2009
I had to simply click review just after the first line!

It was explosive...!
ADSpencer chapter 1 . 5/24/2009
I loved your choice of line length, specifically at the end. It definitely caught my attention and forced me to attention. I also liked that it helped in breaking away from the description in the rest of the poem.

Your word choice was excellent in this poem, especially your verb choice. "Tongues", for example, in the first line drew me in immediately.

And the description of his form! So vivid and disturbing. Nicely done!

-ADS, The Review Marathon (see the link in my profile)
K. L. Kirby chapter 1 . 5/24/2009
this poem is very good and i would like to thank you for R&R my poem about my mother.
Isca chapter 1 . 5/22/2009
"Eyes dim closed-exhaling the light." Oh wow! This line is stunning. The light/dark imagery is so sensual and profound.

"His mask is ever-handsome, latent." Your use of the word 'latent' here is brilliant.

"His walk has always been wobbly, misshappen." I liked that you gave the reader a little description of the character. The word 'wobbly' immediately makes the reader feel pity to the character.

"He sleeps." What a beautiful, peaceful ending. :)
Ashelin chapter 1 . 5/22/2009
Interesting depiction of this man. He seems to be somehow marred, and yet in an appealing way. Then again, I try not to judge a person from the poetry written about them, since such things can always be metaphorical, without the reader ever knowing. "huffing grey footprints/on my unused poetry." was a great line, and though I'm not sure I can relate to such criticism from a person that I (at the very least) admire in some way, I think sometimes it is needed for us to be able to accomplish everything possible inside of us. Which you are so often able to do in amazing ways, through poetry, and perhaps through other modes as well. I'm not sure why, but I love the idea of "long lips", somehow more than average, yet I've never really heard (or seen) them described in such a fashion. Very interesting. The last line is nice too, though perhaps in a sad way. Despite your attentions and intentions, he is either unaware and at peace, or perhaps simply ignorant and unwanting of your attention. Again, speculating is a dangerous thing. But I did enjoy this poem, as short as it was. Good job.

And thank you always for your wonderful reviews.

As Always

Ashelin