Reviews for Secret Stalker
jmn23 chapter 51 . 5/16/2012
Saw an e-mail alert about your post and it is totally understandable about your decision to take down your works. But hopefully you may consider re-posting though these works (as it is without edit) in wattpad as well. As a follower of this story, once in a while I often find myself re-reading stories I read a long time ago. Also, you put a lot of effort already finishing this story hence it deserves to be read and shared. And hopefully, if you put it out again you can get more reviews which can eventually help you in the future if you decide to revised the story all together.. Just my two cents!

By the way - will surely stalk (ahem follow) you in wattpad...
Just A Star chapter 12 . 5/22/2011
Hi! I was reading your story but it's up to chapter 12. Because you're editing. I hop you put it up soon. I'll love to read what happens next, with the fight. Up date fast! (or edit fast) :D
esthaelum chapter 11 . 1/28/2011
Aaw. Evan can be so sweet sometimes! I love it that he has that shy side to him, that only Sammie can bring out :D It's adorable! And I like how Sammie seems to be warming up to him! But I do understand where Sammie is coming from. The whole opposites attract thing? That is ridiculous... If I were in her position, I would hate being opposites! But I'd like to know how they'll develop around each other :)

esthaelum chapter 10 . 1/28/2011
Hehe, Evan's full name is cool! I wonder how you pronounce his last name though..? I liked Sammie in this chapter. You can tell she was *trying* to be responsive, but she was still wary of her surroundngs/people around her... Or at least thats what I thought... I got the feeling that she felt uncomfortable - well, i would be in her position... Anyway, great chapter! I'd like to know how Sammie an Evan's relationship progresses! :D

esthaelum chapter 9 . 1/28/2011
I havent read this story in AGES. But thankfully, I still remember the plot!

I liked the conversation between Evan and Jude. It was nice to see them talking about Sammie in a way that normal teenage boys would.. Not to mention, their jokes with each other are amusing and it's always fun to read about them. Loving how Jude keeps calling him 'Evan-boy- too!

this wild abyss chapter 2 . 1/28/2011
“Evan Schultz went to his locker when the second period bell rang and was pleasantly surprised to see that the Secret Stalker had already put a note in his locker.”

- This is a long and unwieldy way to start off a chapter. Why not break it up into two concise sentences?

“everyone knew that the Secret Stalker was female.”

- How did they know this? What tipped everyone off to this fact? Perfect place to put in more exposition.

“Now, Evan picked up the slip of paper, folded neatly hamburger style.”

- Unnecessary words/phrases.

- “Evan picked up the slip of paper, which had been folded neatly.”

“Senna cooed.”

- Don’t be afraid to just use ‘said’, especially since you’ve already described this character as ‘cooing’

The dialogue of this story is unrealistic and difficult to get into. Outside of teen movies, nobody talks like that, and your characterization of teenagers through conversation is stereotypical at best. Just like nobody takes a movie where the actors talk like that seriously, it’s hard to take your characters seriously.

And the actions of the characters themselves are a bit silly. It isn’t necessary for everything to be so melodramatic. Using simple words to describe the scene goes a lot farther than over the top gestures and movements.

As for the plot itself, it’s rather ambiguous at this point, with nothing unique to set it apart from anything else. By adding a twist or a unique character or an original plot twist, you could make this more intriguing and interesting.

It’s not a horrendous story, but the writing and storytelling leave much to be desired.
Liya Smith chapter 3 . 1/27/2011
Hi! I found you on The Bar community. I read the first couple chapters just go get a gist of what was happening, and I like the idea very much. It's clever but I have a feeling in real life people would be very curious to know who "The Secret Stalker" is. But I can relate to Sammie's character and I'm interested to see where their relationship goes.

(Also if you don't mind, could you take a look at "Ruben" on my profile?)
This Account is Inactive chapter 1 . 1/27/2011
Wow! I LOVE THIS! I was laughing the whole time! Especially when you said "No. For more information pay 10$" I usually don't like realistic fiction... Ever... But this was HILARIOUS! XD
RippedIntoPeices chapter 1 . 1/25/2011
I’ve been reading this story and it’s turning out pretty good. It is definitely a unique idea that I have yet to see explored on this site or in fiction until I saw this story. I noticed that in chapter 6, it wasn’t made clear where Sammie and Evan were until the end of the scene. I noticed some more errors such as in chapter 8 where I guess it was Jude speaking? “That’s correct Evan-boy, you two would always tag along with me and my friends.” I wasn’t sure who was the one speaking.

I noticed that there wasn’t an explanation left for why Karlee is the way she is. I know it kinda leaves you wondering, but it seems like she didn’t know Sammie long enough to attack her like that. And I didn’t really see any background on how Sammie became the secret stalker or what shapes her or the other characters besides probably Jordyn on to be who they are. Other than that, this story was easy to read.
So1Thought chapter 1 . 12/3/2010
Lol... So original... She'll be rich by the time she finishes school...
deefective chapter 1 . 7/25/2010
Hm, on one hand you do a good job of keeping the tone and writing consistent throughout. Your writing voice didn't fluctuate all over the place and it was very easy to follow. Also, I liked the fact that you got straight to the point right in this first chapter. This is a love story, and you set it up right away and in a good way. You created some interesting ideas at the end there with Evan looking for information on Samantha. On the other hand, the whole set up of this story strikes me as very unrealistic. I get that fiction can be whatever it wants but it was the little details you added in that put me off. She can hack into school computers, "stalk" the whole entire student body, answer everyone's questions, "secret" advertise and still find time for homework? And NO ONE knows about her? I find that very hard to believe. I think if you had left the little details out of this and maybe introduced them gradually later on, that would've been better. As much as you want to give the reader as much information as they need, there is such a thing as too much. You had little spelling errors here and there but nothing too bad. Also, I didn't understand why this line was there:

"The one percent of long-term assignments were up for discussion."

I understand what you were trying to say but it was very awkward and confusing where you put it. Other than that, nicely done.
AvidWriter-92 chapter 5 . 7/24/2010
Teehee. :P I really liked this chapter, and I thought it was pretty ironic, that they're asking who Evan likes, and we know it's Sammie, but she doesn't! :P Ah, I love it when people write things like that. :P

I also liked the way that the three of them talked with each other... They definitely seem to be the "typical" teenage girls of my high school. :P I would advise you to make them seem more... realistic, though in the long run, and not such a stereotype. People might get bored of it, in the long run. :P

I also liked how you introduced another character, Jude. (I like that name. :) ) I can't wait to see how crucial he becomes to the story line... I bet the love triangle will become even more complicated now! :D

~Avid, via Roadhouse. :D
AvidWriter-92 chapter 4 . 7/24/2010

Hehe. I liked the conversations between Jordan and Evan. :P It sounded very realistic, and I could visualize it very well. :)

I also like the interesting love triange thing that you have going on between Evan, Sammie, and Senna. :P It really is interesting, and I can't wait until the secret is uncovered. ;)

I hope that things work out well for Sammie and Evan, but something tells me that Senna or maybe even Jordan will get in the way... Hmm... :P

Great chapter! You've been repaid. :D

~Avid, via Roadhouse. :)
InkedSoul chapter 2 . 7/17/2010
Another great chapter! Nothing really big happened here to comment on, but it seems Sammie's always getting herself into a risky situation. (In this case interfering with a discussion of the Secret Stalker xD )

Evan seems like a nice guy here, at least that's what I think. He doesn't seem like the typical egotistical jerk type, which is a little less cliche. Besides that this is pretty much a typical high school story. Not that I have any problem with that, but most people find it overused. The idea of the Secret Stalker though, helps differ it from other stories and make it a bit more interesting. Great job, keep up the good work! (:

~Idareutoguess from the Roadhouse (:
InkedSoul chapter 1 . 7/17/2010
Wow I L.O.V.E this story! The concept of it is so interesting and creative. The ending was pretty suspenseful, I wonder what would happen if someone found out her secret :o. It sed a bit risky replying to that note but of course part of being a stalker is taking risks (:

I love Sammie's character. She's so sly and sneaky (obviously) but it would be interesting to see a different side of her, when she's NOT being the Secret Stalker. Also about that, I think that you should elaborate a little more on how she became the secret stalker. I know you said that it wasn't really a big deal how it started but since it's the purpose for this entire story, I would consider elaborating a bit more on the story of how it happened, or at least make the story a bit more interesting.

Anyway, I'm completely hooked! Onto the next chapter! (:

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