Reviews for Mal'ethil
xrawritskalix chapter 5 . 9/8/2009
Wow, this story is really good. Keep up the good work! Anyways...

I really like how descriptive you were with how everybody looked. It made visualization really easy.

Since I can't find anything bad, I'll just compliment you again. :) The characters seem really believable which is always really good in a story. I also never had to re-read anything to figure out something that somebody said that I didn't understand. :)

Great story! :D

Kristin Li chapter 8 . 9/8/2009
Like the first chapters, I found the writing to be very polished and interesting. I'm not sure how to critique this, it being the middle of the story. I didn't really learn a lot about the characters, except stuff that was already established in the earlier chapters. Yet, the plot moved foward pretty well. I thought it was good how you had Alica speak then have her interupted by a bunch of bugs.
Endless Autumn chapter 8 . 9/7/2009
I really liked this last chapter (chapter 8) because I didn't see any spelling errors, and I don't have to guess at who the Shom's are becuase you tell us that. And you leave the story open for the next chapter.
loolabell chapter 1 . 9/7/2009
I like how the roc has a nice sarcastic tone, and how you embedded that with your wording. You have an admirable vocabulary. There wasn't one thing that i didn't like!
Danielle Gin chapter 7 . 9/6/2009
As usual, this was another exceptionally well done chapter! Your punctuation was top notch (I didn't catch any mistakes) and your vocabulary was both natural and interesting.

One thing that did bother me though was that Mal seems to be laughing at everything in these later chapters. At first she had seemed like such a strong character, stoney and reserved. Now it seems like she's laughing all the time, especially around Alica. I would just make sure that she doesn't lose that stong quality entirely throughout the rest of the story.

Another thing I noticed was this contradictory bit. '“You’ve been gone a long time, love. We only had four back then, and they were all younger than five. We have eight now. This here is my youngest boy, Eltor.” “I’ll be ten in one-and-a-half moons,” stated Eltor matter-of-factly, “on the thirtieth of Squash Moon. Yvetta is six. Tes isn’t even four yet, so she’s not that interesting. Her birthday’s in Hunting Moon.”' I think your character means that Eltor is the youngest son, but it comes off very confusing. I would just make sure that your words match each the facts you want and that it comes across clearly.

All in all, great chapter! I'm excited to continue reading!
Deleted-Account-0 chapter 7 . 8/25/2009
I quite enjoyed this chapter of Mal'ethil, and it expands upon the world quite nicely. The characters are very realistic, and it is quite intriguing to see Alicia's abilities reveal themselves bit by bit.
excentricreativity chapter 7 . 8/24/2009
This chapter had a really good flow to it. There weren't any kinks or strange sentences and I think that that is a very important thing to have in a story. It makes for a nice read. Also you seem to have good grips on your characters and who they are. And I know this because you do a good job of getting who you want the characters to be across to the reader. Your vision for the story is clear and well done.

One thing I would encourage you to do would be to get a little more creative with your words. You seem to have a clear vision of what you want to put on the page, which is great, but it would be nice to see a new way of putting it on there. I guess what I'm saying that your story would be even better if you were able to weave in a few more creative, extravagent sentences.

Overall nicely done.
excentricreativity chapter 8 . 8/22/2009
That was well done. I loved your openning scene to the chapter. It gave the reader a nice perspective of Mal and Alicia's relationship. I also really liked your full descriptions. They added nice depth to your scenes. Good work.
The Shiny Duo chapter 8 . 8/22/2009
I liked the fact that Mal actually realized she was doing something unusual for her, but it's also a good thing because it adds to her character and really shows that she does have a softer side. The attention to detail is great. It adds so much to the story. The knock was the thing that caught me there. :)

The introductions for the younger kids was rather stiff, but I suppose that's to be expected since it doesn't seem they'll really play a major role. I especially liked the intro for the twins. It was a nice touch that the oldest had the same name as Alicia's mom and really gave them something a bit more special.

Keep writing.

The Shiny Duo chapter 7 . 8/22/2009
The interaction between Warwing and Mal is great. It's so easy and flows naturally like they really have been together for forever. I like Mal's personality too. It's not too over the top, but it's far from flat. You found a good medium for her.

The background you gave to Lady Shom was a nice touch and helped flesh things out, along with the mentions of Mal having been there years ago. Eltor put me in mind of my eldest nephew.

Very nice.

Eshana the Searcher chapter 8 . 8/22/2009
Ah cliff hangers are the best!

This story is very well written. I really liked all the depth you were able to put in like the bits of history and renaming the days/months etc. It gives the story just that bit more as it's base and it's something that a lot of aspiring authors forget about.

I don't like Farol. He seemed rather fake and stiff, but that might have just been part of his personality. I think the thing that creeped me out the most about him was the fact that he seemed so callus toward his supposed 'friend' and was all excited to see Alicia the next moment.

I do like Mal though. Her kick-butt personality is great and the fact that she's getting a soft spot for Alicia adds to her character so much.

This was a really enjoyable read. Keep up the great work.


P.S. The phrase "easy-peasy lemon squeezy" made me burst out laughing. _
I Love Lions15 chapter 1 . 8/22/2009
You have a wonderful talent for descriptions. It was as if this little pale creature with her long white hair and pink eyes is standing right in front of me. I love how magical everything sounds when Mal is flying through the air on her "roc". And when Alicia asks her about the names and her age, it provides a type of mystery to the whole thing. Who is this girl? How does she know all this? These questions will definitely keep me reading.
Counting Petals chapter 6 . 8/20/2009
I'm glad that Mal is questioning the bond forming between her and Alicia, because it seems more realistic that way. Mal doesn't seem like the very affectionate sort, haha. So the fact that she's questioning it seems more in character for her.

I wish there had been some more explanation of the fairies leaving, though, because that seems like it was something of an event, and there's sort of a shrine to their leader...a little explanation would have been helpful.

Counting Petals chapter 5 . 8/20/2009
I liked your introduction to Farol, because it made me laugh. Hard. Especially Mal's reaction to him. But I think what I liked even more was at the end of the chapter, when you showed another side of Farol, because it was a pleasant surprise and added some depth to his character. I wonder why he's so sickeningly cheerful all the time? And why is Mal is his debt?

Counting Petals chapter 4 . 8/20/2009
"and the two of them were helped down by helping hands who had rushed over to them" - I have a slight issue with this sentence, because 'helped' and 'helping hands' are a little redundant. Consider changing one of them.

I like how you showed more of Alicia's character here, because you showed us how kind she was, instead of simply telling us.

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