Reviews for he can't help but think it's love
deefective chapter 1 . 11/15/2009
Well, I did like the interesting way you started each stanza with one person saying something but then describing the actions of another. It was nice to read and it created an interesting flow. I also liked the way you arranged your stanzas and verses. Not only was it aesthetically looking, but I found that it set the tone for the whole piece and that was nice. The only thing would be the last line. I think maybe it should have been left on its own instead of joined with the rest of that last stanza. It seemed kind of out of place since all the other dialogue started the stanzas on their own. Other than that, nicely done.
dragonflydreamer chapter 1 . 7/19/2009
Review Marathon comin' atcha! Link's in my profile 'n' such.

I like how you broke up the dialogue in this. It really helps the reader get into the minds of these people and feel the thoughts and actions rushing through them as they're talking.

I liked the way you used your physical descriptions. The way you used them, they not only created the scene, but allowed the reader to feel the strong emotions without ever stating them.

P.S. Haha! I love the quote about Shakespeare plays in your profile. I had the great (mis)fortune of being a boy, which meant I was always standing except when I got to be a corpse p
Isca chapter 1 . 6/19/2009
"Shh, she whispers." This opening line is so provocative and intriguing. It immediately establishes a 'trusting' tone.

"Those eyes rake over her." Your use of the word 'rake' here is brilliant-suggesting that the male character's eyes make the speaker feel 'raw' and 'exposed.'

The way in which you included dialogue in the poem was really creative and unique-it didn't subtract from the flow or the imagery at all. :)

(The Review Game - Poems - Easy Fix)
tangerine dreamer chapter 1 . 6/18/2009
aww, this is so sweet. i like how you add subtle little actions in between the couple's words. it makes it seem that much more intimate.

nicely done!
RazorStar chapter 1 . 6/3/2009
This was a cute poem, I like the stanza scheme that keep the poem in order. I think you could use some capitals here and there just for words that need capitals. I thought the imagery was nice with "feather tattooed" and "tanned arm snakes around her slender waist" I thought it was descriptive, insightful and most importantly poetic. Keep writing.
Shasta Valentine chapter 1 . 5/24/2009
i like the gradiation of this, and the simplicity of the scenario, although i do wish you ventured into the arms of lust, this was great.

-sv
Grains and Oats chapter 1 . 5/24/2009
Sounds familiar.

I really enjoyed the way you described things, you didn't go over the top, but you didn't undercut the reader from getting the full experience. With the way you described the two, you can really see it in your mind's eye... This makes it easier to relate to, and to me, that's an important part of writing when you're doing something like this.

Keep writing.
Kate Marshall chapter 1 . 5/24/2009
I love how you wrote the dialogue. It was really smooth and it didn't interrupt the rhythm at all.

I'm not a huge fan of love poetry because a lot of it is super cheesy, but this wasn't at all. It felt natural and not over-the-top or anything.

Good job,

-Peach/Kate, from the Review Marathon (link'sin the profile!)