Reviews for Bittersweet Sixteen
crazylady4 chapter 7 . 7/14/2009
i really like this story so far. i do hope you keep it going
BlueRibbon chapter 6 . 6/7/2009
I really like this story. Very few writers manage to use all 5 senses when writing, so it's very refreshing that you do.

I'm looking forward to reading the rest!
nemivicious chapter 2 . 6/7/2009
I have to say I don't really know where you're going with this story. I admit that I've only read the first two chapters, but foreshadowing of the plot would perhaps be a good idea, as to hook the reader in right from the start. I mean, I can understand that Hannah and Tony will somehow become a couple right from the start, but when there's no hint of a plot twist from the start it doesn't really grab you. The first chapter is only the interaction between Hannah and her sister / Tony, and it doesn't really move the story forward a lot.

The grammar is mostly fine, but there are a few mistakes.

The characters seem pretty flat, to me. I have to admit. I know nothing about Tony except for the fact that he's a god, but I can't really find any reason for it except that he's good-looking. And Kara / Karla (you alternate a bit, just giving you a heads up on that) is portrayed as a stereotype, and given that she's Hannah's sister you might want to show a sisterly sort of love, if there is one.

Hannah spells like a Mary-Sue to me. I'm sorry to say it, but she does. Especially when her mother comes in to tell her that she's proud of her for her "outstanding grades, beautiful voice and goodness." It just doesn't seem like something a mother would really ... say, to her child. She might thank her for not getting wasted, but a speech with tears seems a bit melodramatic.

Perhaps giving all these characters less perfect exteriors, with a little less focus on what they're wearing and how they're looking, and a little more imperfections and problems would be a good idea. I'm not saying you must, but I think it might help to improve your story.