Reviews for Midnight Murder
letyoursoultakeflight chapter 1 . 12/16/2009
First of all, I love the structure to this one! Love how you wrote a bit added a comma and then a word like 'but'- thought it worked wonderfully!

Secondly, I really quite adore this piece! It's got a lovely dark feel to it which seems to get me every time :)

Clocks are ticking in shallow light

- love that line. Time is running out and nightmares seem hidden... love it :)
walkmetoblivion chapter 1 . 10/20/2009
At first this sounded vaguely off in my head,

Then I read it out loud to myself, and realised that the placing of your words made a world of difference.

Because when I was reading it in my head, I tried to read it as a poem.

But when I read it out, I read it out as a narrative, and somehow it just sounded right. It clicked.

I don't know, maybe it's just me, but I love the way you've broken up your sentences. (:

By the way, thanks for reviewing my work! :D
Melanie Layugan chapter 1 . 9/1/2009

I like the setting of this, and the flow.

It's very creative for a classical murder theme.

Keep writing :)
Little girl Big world chapter 1 . 8/29/2009
I really liked this. It has a nice flow and is just overall a good piece! Well done!
Invalid Account chapter 1 . 5/31/2009
"Clocks are ticking in shallow light," reminds me of an older short story i read... edgar allen poe? No. I'm not really sure. Point is that is an amazing line, and pretty dang good if it reminds a reader of a published work. Oh! it was something about the plague... have you read it?

Anyway, lovely poem (Well, maybe more like horrific, but you get it.)

I suggest that you take a few of the comas, they sort of disturb the flow. I think it sounds like the lyrics to a song.
Isca chapter 1 . 5/27/2009
"Clocks are ticking in shallow light." At first, I glanced over this line, but then I went back and said it a few times. It's actually rather powerful and chilling. The clock imagery is frightening. I also found it interesting that you chose the word 'shallow' to describe the light-as if the shadows are soft and gentle. My only suggestion would be to remove some of the commas-they disrupt the flow in certain places. Other than that, the mystery and angst within the poem kept the reader deeply engaged. :)
person chapter 1 . 5/27/2009
wow that's really good keep writing
Endless Immortal chapter 1 . 5/27/2009
wow. that was really good. i might have to pass this one nio tomy friend. she specializes in horror/murder/scarry stuff. really good. :D