Reviews for Evolution |
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LadyBird245 chapter 1 . 9/19/2009 Your character's are really well rounded especially for a story this short! I loved your characters but I couldn't help but feel that this story was lacking some parts. In the beginning, I felt like I wanted to know more about how this came to be and more background information. However, by the time I got to the middle the background information seemed less important. Still, I think some more dialogue and information about the creatures who lived there before would be helpful. I think it would also convince me that Ai truly changes during this encounter. Because as it is, she changes her mind and her values very quickly. I think a bit of doubt about the system at the beginning would help make this story even more powerful. Still, it is very well written and thought provoking. You do bring up good points and this is just my personal opinion but you don't even need the references to "African,Protestants, Jews, Asians...". These references make it seem like you are more telling instead of showing like you have been the entire story. In my opinion, your story would be stronger without those references so your reader could figure it out on his/her own. Still, great writing and keep up the good work! |
Indicates chapter 1 . 8/20/2009 I decided to pick this certain story because I do like Sci-fi a bit more than any other genres and it sounded interesting, even though the concept has been done quite a lot. Overpopulated planet driving itself to the verge of extinction might be interesting if that wasn't already true. Yes, the planet is overpopulated already and it hasn't fallen into total mayhem. But anyway... Your one-shot was interesting, but at times I got confused over the dialogue. The terminology wasn't hard to understand; it IS pretty self-explanatory, but I couldn't help but get 'Among The Hidden' Vibes from reading it, that the government...or the Movement Unit...is evil and spews lies to kill hundreds of people and alien races. There's not much about man spreading out to inhabit other planets...which I hoped was more touched upon. Still, it's an interesting concept and it's pretty well-written. |
SamuelH73 chapter 1 . 6/1/2009 First review! :) An interesting premise, and one that is somewhat rare in the realm of sci-fi (at least, rare as far as I know; I may be wrong on that score). It does add an interesting possibility to our future plans to colonize/explore other planets, as well as underscore our inherent superiority complex. :( It was a good read! There were a few instances where the text could afford to be tightened up (i.e., reduce unnecessary words), but otherwise it was interesting to read and to think about (Out of all the names for other races that authors use, "Atlanticans" is quite possibly the most unique. I kept thinking "Atlanteans"!). Keep working at it; you're doing fine! :) |