Reviews for Darkness Becomes Her
Amethyst Topaz chapter 12 . 8/4/2009
For a long while I have been on , but not FictionPress. Your story is truly well written. Mythology has always intrested me, (though I am fonder of Norse than Greek).

You breathe life into these noble gods, painting them in a way few have done before. They seem like flesh and blood creatures instead of words upon paper. Your writing style is nice. You pay attention to detail, but not overly so. And you keep the reader focused.

I hope to see a new chapter soon.

Amethyst Topaz
Deb chapter 12 . 8/4/2009
Yes! He finally kidnapped her! This was such an exciting chapter!
QuietInsanity chapter 12 . 8/3/2009
I must say that I am in love with story! And also, I apologize for being a silent reader.
Brave Anon chapter 10 . 7/28/2009
I have been reading your stuff for the whole morning. It has been an unexpected and delightful treat to find such a wonderful retelling of the Hades and Persephone tale. Thank you for taking the time to write this.
Jazz chapter 10 . 7/28/2009
I was hoping Hades would just go ahead and kidnap her, but this chapter was good too. :3
Typhaegia chapter 9 . 7/24/2009
I'm loving this story! I always thought the myth behind Hades and Persephone was so intriguing! Great writing)
V de V chapter 7 . 7/22/2009
I withdraw my concern for the words you use to refer to ancient Greek clothing. Chiton, tunic, and cloak; and I am delighted that you did not use toga, which would have been an amusing anachronism. Generally your diction is fine. It is formal for the time period and casual enough to flow well. However, I do feel “okay” and “yeah” are slightly out of place. These are very American, very modern words. You may wish to replace these with more antiquated equivalents, but that is up to you to decide.

Secondly, this is a minor grammar issue, but it worries me. (Really, I am the most friendly grammar Nazi you will meet.) Whenever a word begins in a vowel and an indefinite article comes before the word, normally a noun or adjective, that definite article must be “an,” not “a.” The occasions where this has occurred are too numerous to list here, but a careful revision should reveal the the article problem.

Third, if I may, I think there is something amiss with the mythological timeline. While I have not examined the story of Hades and Luce for a long time, the story of Minthe and Hades does not make sense here, unless you are taking literary license. Out of jealousy, Persephone herself turned the nymph Minthe into the herb with the same name once she discovered Hades’ adulterous affair. Of course, a vengeful Persephone is in the making in this story of yours, so … Again, it could be a matter of artistic prerogative.

Ah, the Protestant work ethic in chapter seven is an admiral thing. However, it is a notion that will manifest itself 20 years later. Say instead “an appreciation” or “respect for work/toil.” Labor with the hands and the body is as worthy for a goddess as much as it is for a mortal farmer.

Hahaha. FP’s injunction not to write explicit material. I am amused that you follow the warning, but if you are interested in keeping your story up and your account functioning, then why not. All in all, I do like your story very much. It is marvelous! I hope you update soon and find a committed beta if you have not already.
V de V chapter 1 . 7/22/2009
Your story intrigued me since you began with, of all things, a timeline. 1500 BCE was a turbulent time, depending on the location, but you are correct to note the Trojan War will not occur for another three centuries. Given that, your Olympus is preoccupied as ever. I like the amount of detail and the thoughts and feelings of the principle characters. It makes the realism better. I have only an objection to the words you employ to describe the clothing, but I want to read more before writing down my comment.
Asdf chapter 9 . 7/20/2009
Oh my gosh! I love this story! Please write more.
Miserably Stunning chapter 9 . 7/17/2009
Wow. Shadows. Wow.
Miserably Stunning chapter 7 . 7/16/2009
I'm so addicted at this point.
Miserably Stunning chapter 6 . 7/16/2009
Zeus never caught my interest before, but your character is very 3D. Also, I liked this a lot "And struggling against destiny only served to fulfill it in the end".
Miserably Stunning chapter 5 . 7/16/2009
You're excellent with descriptions, especially of sensations.
Miserably Stunning chapter 4 . 7/16/2009
That was all unexpected! Well, except 4 the baby, of course. Zeus has some problems!
Miserably Stunning chapter 3 . 7/16/2009
I like that you don't just focus on one particular god. It's interesting to hear from all there particular point of views.

You now have me wondering what Zeus has to do with the main story line. Wondering is one of the best parts of reading.
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