|Reviews for valley miscellaneous|
| tonight we bloom chapter 4 . 8/14/2009
this is absolutely stunning,
and describes something many people do not think about.
| ArekuKawaii chapter 9 . 7/25/2009
'writhing and spitting its poison
a snake is wrapped around her waist,'
I really like that opening because it pulls me in with a vivid image. When I read about the snake wrapped around her waste I think of a goddess dress in green pants and bikini top with the snake around her slender body. For some reason that line gives me a very vivid image in my head.
I liked the 'blood soaked red cloak' because it made me imagine a velvety cloak that would keep someone warm in the winter.
This poem was very good at creating a clear picture in my head. Good job.
| Isca chapter 9 . 7/21/2009
Hey now, weren't we just talking about the Erinyes? :P
"A snake is wrapped around her waist." Good. I'm sure that some of your readers were unaware that Tisiphone always had snakes with her. Didn't she use one of them to kill Kithairon?
The 'red cloak' part was incredibly vivid. I like the emphasis of the colour red throughout, as it heightens the 'murder' theme. She is the 'avenger,' of course. ;)
"And she always finds it." Muah ha ha ha. (Sorry, I couldn't help it). I like this ending. It's so chilling. You described Tisiphone very well here. :)
| Isca chapter 8 . 7/21/2009
I love the word play between 'dull glimmer' and 'stardom.' This 'light' imagery is very powerful-a 'dull glimmer' of light is still light, though, so is it still not as 'special' as a 'shining star'? Obviously, this first section is very thought-provoking. "I'm just one of those little porch lights." Wow. Wonderful comparison. Perhaps if you 'flicker in and out' it means that you're balanced-you possess an equal amount of 'light' and 'dark' within you; yin and yang. :)
| drops of rain chapter 8 . 7/18/2009
i like how you're associating your 'dull glimmer'
to giving up your hopes of 'stardom'.
the word play for standing out
and being a star or 'stardom' was so clever!
i really loved that.
the end brackets were fantastic.
i like how human it is.
'the kind that flicker in and out'
i can relate to a lot. xD
| drops of rain chapter 9 . 7/18/2009
i *love* the word choices in this.
they're all so vivid! 'writhing'
'knotted' 'curled' nice job!
i don't know a lot about mythology,
but reading this makes me want to! :D
this was wonderful. thank you for sharing!
| simpleplan13 chapter 2 . 7/14/2009
So this a return review from a review you gave me forever ago 'cause I'm so very far behind on my alerts...
I like the contrast with the pale and red. Also the image of kissing lips red was very creative. However, I couldn't really grasp how lips would be pale. Also, I definitely felt like it needed more. Though maybe it's unfinished?
| x.Miss.Twiztid.x chapter 6 . 7/13/2009
Oh, I love these. They're cute, clever, and eloquently filled with imagery. "good morning" and "i thought of him" are the two that I enjoyed especially..."good morning" was quirky and fun, whereas "i thought of him" was so simple that it became complex - you did a fantastic job of pouring emotions that were powerful into a few little lines.
In all, you're doing an awesome job of portraying different emotions and writing about different subjects, and all of it is beautiful. Gorgeous job!
| lipleaf chapter 5 . 7/11/2009
Interesting poem you have here. I like the personification you use in here- writing the forest as if it were a monster of some sort. It gives a sense of morbidity and horror to this piece. The line 'deep, deep green cloaked in fear,' was very nice, because it suggests that the fear is tangible- so thick that you can feel and hear it. I also liked the line 'I'm chasing away a nightmare.' It sort of feels ironic, since the narrator is in fact the one running, not chasing.
| ArekuKawaii chapter 5 . 7/10/2009
I like how two words were grouped in lines as descriptors in this poem because they were descriptive yet objects at the same time. Its also nice that you mixed up this normally cliched thought and made it your own.
'blood and dirt
mud and tears'
However, I feel the rest of this peice was quite cliched and it wasn't the best of your works.
I did like the 'black velvet' imagery because it is so vivid and sparks up the poem.
| young and the reckless chapter 7 . 7/10/2009
i like this one a lot,
because everyone experiences that feeling of invisibility
where we just want the right person to come along and see us for who we really are.
and like us for it.
the [wallflower] was a nice touch. :)
| young and the reckless chapter 6 . 7/10/2009
i re-read this thrice,
and it got better each time.
second stanza is definitely the strong point.
| ArekuKawaii chapter 7 . 7/10/2009
I like that bit because it makes me want to read more of this poem however that is the end. I think if you took this and added a little it would seem complete because the ended makes me want more.
I like how the detective sees the speaker with the magnifying glass because that makes me think the speaker is really a tiny bug or something to that effect. The fact that no capital letters were used in this poem also makes me think of a small bug like creature being the speaker.
| Isca chapter 7 . 7/10/2009
I like the contrast between the words 'wall' and 'flower.' The first is very masculine and strong, while the latter is very fragile and feminine.
"He saw me with his magnifying glass." For some morbid reason, I immediately thought of those kids who like to burn ants with the sun by using magnifying glasses.
| Isca chapter 6 . 7/10/2009
"He's torn up." I like that the word 'torn' here plays off of the word 'stripes' in the first line-suggesting that this male character has been 'ripped' apart by life/emotions.
"He's pain(t)ed red." I like the formatting here. The word 'painted' reminds me of a ceremonial dance, where one paints one's face and such, but the word 'pained' obviously suggests that this male character is dying or 'red with anger.'
"I thought of him." This final line is probably my favourite. I love that the speaker connects a dying star with a dying man-that's so beautiful! :)