Another good chapter. Lots of action. I liked it.

I wonder where Louis went and whats goin to happen to Dexter out there all by herself in the desert. Hope shewill be okay. update soon please.

I like the story, it is very interesting. All of the characters seem particularly fresh, new and funny. I am a little confused with what time period this fictional world is set in and if there is magic (the whole illegal fire starting thing) But all in all very nicely done

Heehee. You spelled "Lo ciento" wrong in the review reply section... :is brick'd: (It's "Lo siento".)

Sorry about that unfabulous/disfabulous/imfabulous (DANG IT! Is there no "unfabulous" word?) intro to this review.

:cough:

I'm going to comment while I read because... well, because I am addicted to doing it now. :(

We had identical blues eyes;

This is confusing since you're describing Dex's father first... and then you go and say "WE".

“Dexter please.”

Add comma after "dexter". You do this every time someone/something is addressed.

Like with: "Yes, sir. I'll eat my brother."

"No, you moron. That was my slice of cake."

"Sorry, Zorro. Your mask is on fire."

"Holy Crow, Batman! It's Edward Sissyhands!"

If I find something else like this I'm not going to repeat what I said, so be rest assured. :P

lol, Loved the troll line. "and big for a mare."-how much does she eat? :O

Everyone wore a hat at Iverwilde? I'm sorry, but that just sounds so awesome.

We drudged by the doctor's office,

I'm not sure you used "drudged" in the right context. Maybe you meant "trudged"?

Wow, Detta is such a snob for rolling her eyes at Dex. D:

What the? "Wilt"? "My flower"? Louis is a creeper.

"As I sat in a window seat"-make sure you make it clear this is the start a flashback and not the present. I got a little confused since i thought the last paragraph was the end of her reflecting on Louis but she still said/you wrote "must have been our eighth year".

Aw, I like Louis now after that little flashback. It might change but... "Neat". lol.

“Some powders from New Tempest Henry asked me to inquire after.

This supposed to be two sentences? First sentence ending at "Tempest"?

but every time I stop my your lovely store I am met with only you father.

"my" "by". "you" "your". Comma after "store".

“Well, it did collapse.” I countered,

Comma instead of period after "collapse". This is for all dialogue with a reply/start like that. ("Blah blah," I replied. "Blah blah," he said.) You actually did do this with most, this must just be one time you forgot.

Moontears? Must be important..and shiny.

Uh oh. Something bad is going to happen to Louis or Dex because of them... my gut feeling tells me so. D:

Ugh. I know how Dex feels about the cool to hot transition.

Oh crap. I love how you sifted the mood like THAT. Robbing scene?

Oh no, I knew something was going to happen to Louis! Just not this soon...unless he does manage to get away...

Hallway down the stairs

You mean "halfway"?

The way you have the writing with just lines really kept the suspense up. Love what it did to the atmosphere. Glad Dexter's father might make it!

I think you made the transition from her father;s almost death to Uncle Mic too quickly though, it didn't leave the suspense hanging but rather made me feel like it was intense for no reason. I don't know what I'm saying...

waiting for more lightening.

"Lightning", you mean.

I think the ending to this chapter could have been at her father's almost death...I don't know, the short feeling for revenge driving Dex into the desert felt kind of dry (no pun intended).

I'm really enjoying this though! No, really, I am... not just because you said to say that. :P

Keep it up!

I started off thinking the narrator was a guy, based on the name. Then a girl, after reading something that referenced her as a girl. Then as a guy again ... and finally, okay, she IS a girl! Haha. I enjoyed reading Dexter's narration - something about it has a very upbeat and likable tone. I like her sense of humor too. She has a very well fleshed out personality. She's the type of person I'd like to know more about, so I will continue reading this. Oh, and you write very well, by the way.

This made me laugh out loud:

And then he was gone.

It was then that I realized he hadn't paid me.

"Dammit!"

I love the "sub" Title of the story. It's very Dexter-ish. Hehe. Will be adding this to my favorites. I'll read more soon. :D

THIS STORY MADE ME SO HAPPY.

There's so many times when I laughed out loud, which is bad because I'm busy getting a computer-tan at one thirty in the morning in my mother's basement. Woe is me. At least I don't actually live here.

This is so awesomely written and I'm very curious as to what happens it's fabulous and I love your writing style and your characters and setting and imagination and I think I'm type-hyperventilating if it's possible. Gasp. Better.

TOTALLY a favourite story of mine. Like all your others. Because you're that great.

YAY YOU.

This sounds awesome! With all the descriptions I could imagine everything. (Including what Iverwilde kind of looks like.) I didn't see any errors except at the beginning when someone "whimpered", you capitalized it when it was a dialogue tag...thing. XD

I like the idea of St. John being raised by lions and all. Oh, and I laughed a lot too with the burping, the swearing as the first thing to do in a panic, how disgusting/tomboy-ish Dex is portrayed to stop the "fair maiden" thing, and when the "angel guy" (who I'm guessing is St. John) didn't pay Dex. Hehe.

Keep it up! :}

Hey this seems like a promising story. I like the set up and thehumor is pretty good. The chapter was pretty long too, nice start.

Please update soon. I wanna keep reading!

.

YESH! I LOVE IT. WHOOP-WHOOP!

St. John Edward Until Sunday I? Coolest freaking name EVER.

And coolest freaking bff author. Ever. ;_; I cry with the pain of not seeing your updates lately (not that I have anything to say from my own pathetic writing avenue)

BUT BE WARNED! I will write this summer, and you must promise me to write too! :O RAWR. And congrats on high school/welcome to the magical fairy-land of college.

Hello again!

Now on to the meaty bits:

At first I was confused about what sex Dex is, then I was confused about how old Dex is, then I was confused why in this cozy dusty little hamlet they would have lighter fluid...don't jar us this way! Beyond all my muttering I enjoyed this and wanted more. I loved your descriptions, I could practically smell the store. Keep up the great words!