|Reviews for Jewelweed|
| Princess Wanderer chapter 3 . 6/8/2013
| Darke-of-Nothingness chapter 3 . 10/15/2012
| movingdisaster chapter 1 . 5/12/2011
WHEN DO U PLAN ON EVER FINISHING THIS FREAKING THING! ITS BEEN YEARS FOR THE LOVE OF THE LORD!
| Ira Tailor chapter 3 . 12/6/2009
Oh, wow. :D I love it! The details are so vivid and clear. Everything is so charged with emotion. It's fantastic. Keep it up, and I can't wait to read more of it! :)
| Glyph Shane chapter 3 . 10/16/2009
Dude! I love this.
| imbar chapter 3 . 8/3/2009
This is different and I mean that in the best possible way. I read a hecka lot and see a lot of the same things over and over, just with different names and places. Not that there's anything wrong with that, it takes talent to make that which was already there uniquely your own. This seems to belongs entirely to itself, however. I look forward to seeing where you take it, or where it takes you...
| Avant-garde and Dream Realms chapter 3 . 7/2/2009
Things to Fix:
Very beginning: "It was the first time in years that Skye had entered the palace proper...". Did you mean "property" when you said "proper"?
"Her face was nearly as white as the darkest of their captors." I think this needs to be changed to represent their enemy's paleness without being so confusing. Perhaps you meant to say "lightest/palest" rather than "darkest", but it just doesn't sound right, even though it makes sense. And you mentioned previously that the skin has a yellowish tint, which also conflicts with the pale nature of Muriel's skin.
"No sooner had he spoken, than his head was slammed back onto his captor’s sharp breastplate." Maybe you should change this to, "No sooner than he had spoken, his head was slammed back onto his captor's sharp breastplate."
When you say, "Distantly, he heard Muriel whimper as she was pulled into the banquet hall, but he could only stare forward," it is confusing because a few paragraphs later, you say Muriel is in the room with Skye, but this sentence makes it seem like she was pulled into a completely different room.
"Skye stood out with his long sleeves, but even was dressed for the climate." I suggest placing "he" after "even".
"There, on the dais were arranged two women and a man." I suggest changing it to, "There, arranged on the dais, were two women and a man."
When the warrior talking to Miriam says, " "I think you are pretty little idiot." " I don't know if you intended for him to leave out "a" between "are" and "pretty" because the others don't have perfect speech, or if you accidentally didn't put it in. Same goes for " "Not as pretty as the girl who is not person." " I also bring it up because in the previous paragraph he says " "I can see that one is a woman." " and uses "a", so it doesn't quite make sense that he would use it properly, then not use it at all two sentences in a row.
Halfway down: "Heart in his throat, Rowen forced himself to ask." Who is Rowen? Did you mean Skye?
I stand by my previous comment. This is definitely my favorite story of yours. I liked how, despite all of Skye's semi-hate towards Muriel, he managed to put himself through so much pain just for her. And again, I got the feeling that he's romantically interested in his sister. Or if I'm way too far in that guess, he feels like a father to her somewhat. And correct me if I'm wrong, but did Miriam have something to do with these warriors taking over the castle? It seemed that way, if only a little. Wonderful job!
| Avant-garde and Dream Realms chapter 2 . 7/1/2009
Things to Fix:
At the beginning: "Murielle said ‘hate you’ with love and always cried and begged forgiveness the moment after the words left her lips." You spelled Muriel's name differently than this before. And again at the end of the paragraph, "And Murielle needed him." it's spelled differently.
Two thirds of the way down: "She was out of sight when hurtled out himself." I think you're missing "he" between "when" and "hurtled".
Towards the end: "He glared straight into the Muriel’s captor’s eyes and spread out his arms, allowing the painted-over bands of iron on his wrists to be seen." You say, "the Muriel's captor's eyes" and it should be changed to either "He glared straight into the eyes of Muriel's captor" or "He glared straight into Muriel's captor's eyes".
"A though came to him." Should be "thought".
I was really surprised by how short this chapter was in comparison to the first one, but it was still very good, nonetheless. I'm not sure if you intended for it, but it seems like Skye is partly attracted to his sister. I don't know if it was intentional, but if it was, it's bound to make the story a lot more complicated. Unless, of course, sibling love is allowed in this world. But the priests don't seem the type to allow it. Great job!
| Avant-garde and Dream Realms chapter 1 . 7/1/2009
Things to Fix:
At the beginning: "She stubbornly turned her head away, insisting, “Not.” " I'm not sure if you meant "no" rather than "not".
"Mother left briefly to bring back the tray back from the nursery and the all quietly chewed on soft bread, fruit, and cheeses." You need to eliminate one of the "back"s you have, probably the first one.
About halfway down: "Miss Bonny practically had a leash on him for the first few days." You should change "first" to "next" because using "first" makes it seem like there's a beginning to some new event or planning period, which a reader would have heard of just before this section began.
"Sometimes it seems like hundreds of dining nobles and priests separated him from his sister." "Seems" should be "seemed".
Two thirds of the way down: "Not even daring to look at the gathering of women chattering for fear of his mother spotting him, he dashed through a thing stand of trees and sure enough, Muriel was playing with her dolls and little wooden cups." "Thing" should be "thin". When you say "stand", did you mean "strand"?
"Miriam used to make the same sound, but how Muriel had picked it up from her, secluded as she was, Sky had no idea." You spell Skye's name with an 'e' all the other times, but here there isn't one.
Almost at the end: "And right then she wanted Sky, or more accurately, she wanted his pretty." You spelled Skye's name with an 'e' again.
"It become easier and easier to summon." "Become" should be "became".
This is the beginning of a really interesting story. I think that, of all the stories of yours I've read, this is my favorite. You've really given these characters a lot of depth and personality. The storyline so far is well laid, and the little pieces of information you give about the priests make it seem like they are so much more important and powerful than the royalty.
| vinny2 chapter 2 . 6/28/2009
if the rest of the world were so awful at being cruel...
YAY! Correct usage of contrary to fact subjuctive mood! I'm so proud! But enough of that. I have more to exemplify than just my interest in your flawless grammar and spelling in this chapter for that matter.
Not much happened in this chapter, but I definitely learned more about Skye and Muriel as characters. Even after all of these years, Skye still appears to be driven by guilt. In my opinion, that's why he protects he so. That, and the incestuous love he has for her.
I like this story. Best I've read in a long time.
| vinny2 chapter 1 . 6/28/2009
First off: Tom Seaton. Perfect. Secondly, I have to apologize for the lateness. At first, I tried reading some of your one-shots, but they weren't my type of stories. They were marvolous, but I couldn't get into them. Then I had a case of bronchytis (of which I'm still recovering), so that put me out of commision for a while. But, now I'm back and have found the perfect sotry to review. It's my kind of story.
I like it. Really do, but it has a theme that interest me. Skkye is relatable because his actions are driven by something that is universal, even if he doesn;t live in America: guilt. Likewise, Miriam's actions are driven by something just as relatable: jelousy.
There are a few typos in the story, but they weren't distracting. However, at one point, either you confused Miriam and Muriel or I didn't understand it. It was somewhere in the middle. It could just be me, though.
| ArekuKawaii chapter 1 . 6/15/2009
I noticed a few tense switches which distracted me from what your were trying to say. I think going back over your story and fixing that would make it better.
The opening scene brought me in. I like when a story starts with someone apologizing because that character is starting out down to earth and believable.
The conflicts you have already described make for an interesting story. They get the reader intrigued and they want to know more.
| I be a poet lost in morbidity chapter 1 . 6/15/2009
this is good, i like the dialogue and the description. i will definitely read the rest. I didnt really like the way even though this is meant to explain, it didnt really explain to me, like how old are Muriel and Skye?
| Sercus Kaynine chapter 3 . 6/14/2009
I know the agreement was two reviews, but, well, this story is interesting, and it happens to have three chapters for reviewing. Consider it a tip for getting my requested art done so fast.
I like the originality of your story. It's always a treat to read something well-written that defies many fantasy cliches, and you manage to do just that.
I liked the "pretties" scene. It was a neat test to put to Skye, and it really showed his devotion to his sister. It also gave me a clue to how this leader of the opposing army worked and was a clever way to introduce his character.
| Sercus Kaynine chapter 2 . 6/14/2009
I must compliment your writing style. It's professional, fun to read, and overall well done.
There was a typo in this chapter:
"A though came to him."
Should be "thought".
I like the way you present information in this story a little bit at a time. I know that's often recycled advice, but it can be hard to do and you pull it off nicely.