|Reviews for Jewelweed|
| Sercus Kaynine chapter 2 . 6/14/2009
I must compliment your writing style. It's professional, fun to read, and overall well done.
There was a typo in this chapter:
"A though came to him."
Should be "thought".
I like the way you present information in this story a little bit at a time. I know that's often recycled advice, but it can be hard to do and you pull it off nicely.
| Sercus Kaynine chapter 1 . 6/14/2009
Here are your trade reviews for drawing my character for me. Thanks a ton for doing that, by the way, it turned out really nice.
I liked the beginning of this chapter, with Skye and Muriel. It introduced the concept of Skye's childhood really well. It also jumped right into the part where things actually happen and kept me interested.
I also liked the pace of this piece. While it is mostly a background story, the straightforward was it was put introduced the characters nicely and it kept moving and flowing easily. A very nice way to begin a story. :)
| Chancee chapter 1 . 6/13/2009
This was interesting and I was only tripped up a couple of times. But hey, it was just me. I like how your characters are different then any other I have read. The one that is special ed is also very interesting and I feel sorry for the poor thing. She got dropped? The mother has some issues and I hope you go into more details on that later on. I like and dislike her but the jury is still out on whether or not I will put her in a certain lists that only those characters I hate.
I know that is harsh to say I hate a character, but BRAVO to you for making me feel that strongly about it. There are minor little things but they do not interrupt the flow of my reading.
The descriptions and details are very well done so we can get a glimpse of each character, but I hope you do give us a little more descriptions of the Main character and others. I am also glad you did not get trapped with the redudant 'I'.
This is very interesting and well written. It is tugging at my interest strings and I really wonder where you are going with it, besides the obvious that the little boy is a wizard.
Very mysterious indeed and great job with the suspense!
Momo - author of My Queen - Pay it forward the Roadhouse
| Decoris Verbum chapter 1 . 6/10/2009
First off, I want to say that your writing is so smooth to read I don't even notice I'm reading it - which is a really, really good thing. However, I have two things I want to rant about, one good and one otherwise. One: Overall, the dialogue style was just fantastic. Especially Muriel's. You have totally nailed the concept of reading how people speak in reality and translating it onto the page. Two: While some of your sentences (mostly toward the beginning) are grammatically incorrect on purpose to enhance style, sometimes they trip up the reader. Grammar was created for clarity, and here you mixed things up a bit, even if it was in the slightest details. Nothing too noticeable.
Great job. Keep up the good work.
| Said Author chapter 3 . 6/4/2009
Just read Ch. 1. Whoa! Now I understand completely (well, mostly) what is going on! Nice work! :}
| LaFarfalla chapter 1 . 6/4/2009
An interesting first sentence, which made me want to read further.
"Mother says its because she dropped on her head a baby" Do you mean "Mother says it's because she 'was' dropped on her head when she was a baby"?
You have a good writing style and the story flows pretty well.
I felt bad for Skye at the end when his sister rats him out to the priests, especially with the cryptic last sentence.
Overall, nice job.
| Said Author chapter 2 . 6/4/2009
Wow, I liked this chapter a lot better! I love the idea of making those spheres, it seems original and intriguing; along with the "damned". The scene with everything being destroyed was described well, especially when Skye felt sick when a cradle was smashed-that definitely caught the emotion in it. I also liked how you got the reader to fear for Muriel when Skye could only manage four-the suspense you put when he lingered on only the fourth and how she was going to die was good. (I like her now, I think when i read her before I thought the "pretties" was annoying but now since she's had a near-death experience it's more endearing, as well as her calling Skye "fool". XD)
Keep it up! :}
| Said Author chapter 1 . 6/4/2009
This is pretty confusing but interesting all the same. I liked the way you described things, the narrative gives way to imagination but keeps it confined within what you've already given. I didn't really like Muriel because she is reminiscent to a child but then she's also a princess so I'm kind of confused...
It's pretty good though. :}
| spartasghost chapter 1 . 6/2/2009
Opening: First off, the opening has been done well for this chapter. I found it to be intriguing because there were questions left unanswered as to what happened to Skye. The pain of Skye is captured well, and was what pulled me in continuing to read the story.
Dialog: As the story's only opened up and so far has two likable characters, a lot of the conversation seemed to flow together pretty well. The way Muriel talked with Skye has been very believable, and the two's interaction is another part of the story that's made it so enjoyable thus far.
Spelling/Grammar: As spelling and grammar is always the hardest thing when it comes for self editing, I understand the most how hard it is to catch one's own mistakes when taking a double look over the author's own story. Since this was a short opening, there didn't seem to be too much mistakes, so that was another thing that was done well with the story.
Pace: For an opening, it's progressing at a steady pace. Nothing too fast, but nothing too slow, as it is what it is in an opening. The pace in the beginning is set well with the conversation, and then with Muriel walking away from Skye was what set the pace of the story, with it leading into anticipation for what happens in the next chapter.
| Sugarloafin chapter 1 . 6/2/2009
It's an interesting start. You've got me curious as to what being damned means for Skye and how he came to be that way.
I like Muriel and the mention of her tantrums. The way the two interreact it's easy to tell they've been together for some time. Skye keeps up a sort of exasperated older brother attitude around her that's incredibly endearing.
I like how the chapter ends with confusion on the character's part. It helps draw me in to find out what's going to happen next. It works as a good hook for the introductory chapter.
Good job, I'll be reading more.