Reviews for Describe Yourself
BrookesOphelias chapter 1 . 3/16/2014
amazing! ;).
- deanna
Slaaty chapter 1 . 5/16/2010
This is beautiful. The whole looking-into-a-mirror was cliche.. but it definitely worked.

One small thing, though:

"She wanted so badly to be someone else /in/ – believing, hoping, even praying that a simple change in appearance would do it."

Did you mean to write 'inside' instead of 'in'? Or was this intended. This sentence confuses me...
Chandra Grace chapter 1 . 1/24/2010
This was a good thing for me to read. It made me stop and think. I kinda understand, correct me if I am wrong, but is this one of those things where you leave yourself and look back at who you are, or were? Well, whichever it is, it truly made me think.

It may have been short, but it sure did pass along some sort of message. Maybe that you can't hide yourself behind things? Maybe that you can try to cover what is inside but it will always simply be?

I love this, and your style. The words are so simple but they mix into something much, much more complex. Love this!

Keep writing, you have a certain knack for it, it appears!

~Chandra Grace
Crazier chapter 1 . 1/12/2010
That was beautiful. Your teacher had no choice but to give you a pleasing grade. One day I am going to write just like you! (:

How old are you now? You are really lucky you to do GCSE's. I have to do the new IGSCE's. I'd leave a longer review but over here in Oman it is 11'o clock, and Iam well... 'Dead tired.'
steffxnie chapter 1 . 1/8/2010
Wow this is great! It goes very deep. The line 'some marks go even deeper than drilled ink' really hit me. 'She never really left me - but I left her.' Great writing style. You write wonderfully. Keep up the amazing work.
jake Chan chapter 1 . 11/18/2009
Wow. The one word that I would use to describe this is 'clever'. I liked how you wrote about the 'girl', and then seamlessly clarified that she was in fact the narrator. A very interesting way of writing an essay! What did your teacher not get? The hair color changes and tattoo descriptions do a good job of painting a sad picture.

I really enjoyed this! Good work. :)
Narq chapter 1 . 10/17/2009
aw... your teacher didn't quite get it.. oh well.. shows that she isn't as smart as people in FP!

I loved that hair thing, it completely showed the person trying to find your own identity!

Anyways~ great!

Palm Tree chapter 1 . 10/17/2009
The semicolon in the sentence ("Looking at me with such sadness and longing in her eyes; and yet she cannot quite meet mine.") should be a comma. Also, the line ("NO wonder I didn’t even notice her change.") has an 'O' that I believe is unnecessarily captialized. Though, that's all I can mention.

Although short, I really enjoyed this piece and found the length appropriate. It all flowed very well and was so profound and deep that it's something I expect to stick with me for a while yet. One particular quote I loved was ("... it never seemed to go deeper than the scalp it touched.") There's so much truth in just those six reflective paragraphs and it's all laced with fantastic imagery. It's good to know that although your teacher didn't quite understand it, she saw it's worth and gave it the grade it deserved. Of course, I doubt that anyone could fail to see the fact that this is indeed a wonderful piece of literature and I'm glad that you posted it. 8D
Mintiee chapter 1 . 10/5/2009
Ok. i can remember reading this on FP sometime previously. Did you post it, then take it off, then re-post it? or maybe you just posted it, i read it then forgot about it, but i could have sworn i never saw this on your profile before. or...oh thats weird. How long has this been here?

:LL Haa, im having a bit of a weird moment. I just managed to confuse myself most horribly. Anyway.

That was a frighteningly good, yet slightly disturbing essay :L I think i pretty much understood it, though i did get a bit confuzzled towards the end. That may be due to lack of sleep. So yeah, awesome metaphorical description in this. and it reeks of emotion and the depression. A real cheerful read, that was. :P

Still, really awesome though. Kicked my essays butt from here to berlin. :L

*is envious*

But if i was ever in doubt that you were a fantastic writer with a poetic soul and a gift for those "words flow best from the cracks of a broken heart" lines (quote from memory. I'm scaring myself) then i'm definitely not now. (not that i ever did doubt :P)

But way to go. You should be really proud of this one. Like, really proud.

Koki Enwai chapter 1 . 8/22/2009
I think that I get it, but I can't be absolutely certain. lol But what I am sure of is that you're a very talented writer. Especially if you wrote this when you were only fifteen. O.o I have to say, I'm a bit jealous.

Anyway, I think it's brilliantly written. I loved the emotion and although it was brief, I actually came away with something from this. Really well-written. I enjoyed every word of it.

Keep up the good work! I hope to see your novels on the shelf at a bookstore someday!

- KE
Sakina the Fallen Angel chapter 1 . 7/15/2009

And your teacher is a bit...displaced if they didn't understand the emotions and the thoughts behind this. (no offence to them)

To me, it seems as if the writer doesn't know who she is, or who she wants to be, and is saddened that no matter how much she changes, she still can't find the person she wants to be. Sadness leads to self-destruction, and the fogging up of the mirror represents the confusion, inner turmoil, and distress that the writer is experiencing.

Hmm, when I answered that question for my exam, I don't think I took it seriously, and created a really annoying persona with a huge ego, just to see how the examiners would take it. Still got the grade... :P

~ Sakina x

(review love is reciprocal! :P)
Xx-Angel-of-Shadows-xX chapter 1 . 7/14/2009
That is possibly one of the saddest things I have read.

You are astonishing.

Keep writing! Keep writing!

tangerine dreamer chapter 1 . 7/11/2009
i get it, but just barely. but i think that means that you are a mystery and there's many layers to go through until, seeing the real you.

i like the part of the hair changes, because it never worked, the outside never changed how you felt on the inside. that's a revelation if i didn't know any better.

the rest is very sad, but i can relate in a way, wanting to leave behind the old you because there was something about her you didn't like.

this is a very interesting piece, nicely done!
iinkstained chapter 1 . 6/5/2009
This was written wonderfully, especially for a school essay (they usually sound forced for me). It was great, thanks for posting it!