Reviews for Desire
lookingwest chapter 1 . 3/14/2010
Opening

-Having not read romance in a REALLY long time, these seems very indulgent, XD, very fluffy. But I'm willing to give it a chance :D

Oo! I knew you weren't going to let me down with the romance! As soon as this woman appears the entire atmosphere you supplied before just melts away-I love the variety and tone you associate sort of with the new setting almost, as she shifts to the bedroom and the mystery begins...

Only a trail of soot and smoldering fibers indicated that she had ever been there at all.

-Edit: would omit "at all" as they tend to be filler words, like "in fact", as another example.

Overall

-I agree with the other reviewers in saying that this had a very startling clear message that sort of uncovers the underbelly of a white-collar upper middle-class life. Not everything is perfect. There was a lot of ambiguity between Dana and the woman who gave her such an interesting almost sado-masochist experience. I think I did get that it was sort of an exchange for blood and then she would become more sexually desirable to her husband or perhaps more sexually aroused herself. In which case, that leads me to wonder about really subtle underlying ideas of women having anxiety about their sexual desires and such. Anyway, it definitley made me think!
tabiscus chapter 1 . 10/19/2009
This story was very sad, Radio; because this is a common problem with a lot of marriages around the world, and when a woman resorts to something like that (the other woman gave me demon/devil vibes), then it can be heartbreaking. Getting herself hooked and involved like that... just so that her husband will love her and not bed another woman *which is how it should be.)

I like how Arny mentioned that she dressed up for him every Friday- clearly a sign this happens every week, and will obviously continue to do so, since she seems to adore him so much.

The interaction between the ashen woman and Dana was great as well; it sounded more... realistic that the woman seemed to only feel contempt for Dana, compared to if she had felt pity.

In the beginning though, it's difficult to tell who the ashen woman is, why she has this agreement with Dana, and etc., and I wish you'd done into more detail explaining her.
Aqua-eagle Sunshine chapter 1 . 6/15/2009
Personally i thought this was pretty unusual and intresting.

I liked the idea though i felt bad for the woman i actually pitied her alot. I thought the husband was an idiot. I thought the character of the devilish women was cool. you also have a way of describing things..i wasn't sure exactly whether i liked it but i did enjoy reading and i thought it was well written.
VelvetyCheerio chapter 1 . 6/9/2009
Interesting... I think. O_O Uh, wasn't quite sure of the relationship between Dana and this maybe dead genie lady? In exchange for blood, Dana gets a wish fulfilled? Crepy!

The emotion, passion, and detail was amazing, though. I loved how Dana's life was explained, justifying her obssession of sorts.

A dark little story, I never knew thought you had it in ya! XD Best of luck on WCC this month! :D

Velvet.
Faithless Juliet chapter 1 . 6/7/2009
Your story is a perfect declaration of just how obsessed our culture is with perfection - be it emotional, or physical.

Your writing was very good, but there were a few parts where I felt like I was choking on the detail a bit. Especially in the beginning, it felt like it took a while to get where it was going, then, the detail involving what the women was doing was a little sketchy. I’m still not entirely sure about what practice was performed.

Even though your character is seeking perfection for her life and her husband, it’s clear that she’s flawed, and you do a good job showing that. Keep up the good work.

Much love,

Juliet.
Denizen47 chapter 1 . 6/7/2009
O.O

Who are you and what have you done with Radio?

I'll be honest, in that I didn't quite understand the effect of whatever happened between Dana and the other woman. She resorted to sado-masochism to... what? regenerate her sex drive or something?

Though the interaction was very good between the two, I felt like the motivations were somewhat lacking. She finds her husband is cheating on her, so resolves to becoming a better lover - by being... strangled?

Other than that it was a very interesting story and was grammatically sound, no major errors I noticed. You stand a good chance in this months WCC. Good luck!