Reviews for Rite
VelvetyCheerio chapter 1 . 6/9/2009
Hm, the beginning sort of made me think it would be longer. :P

It wasn't rushed, but it was just too short for me to get a real feel on the horror. It was like things were just happening.

I like the words you used, though. [a fragile sound in the echoing hall.] [sickly sweet and icy cold.] [Wreathing mist in the comfortable darkness.]

It was an interesting story with a twisted ending, nonetheless. :) Good luck on WCC this month!

Velvet.
Faithless Juliet chapter 1 . 6/7/2009
You utilize a lot of little scenes in this, and the themes and plot lines were well developed. Keep up the good work.

Much love,

Juliet.
Galadriel1010 chapter 1 . 6/7/2009
Gleep! Love it!

Gx
Denizen47 chapter 1 . 6/7/2009
Haha, well with this WCC it's gone one of two ways: sexual or murder. You're clearly in the latter category... the lattergory. Oh dear.

Overall it seemed solid, though... I don't know - there was no real atmosphere or menace in what should be quite a chilling subject. There was also the fact that you overused the word dirt: [Dirtied stone walls. Smeared with dirt, or blood, or both. Katherine shuddered. She was lying on a table of stone. Blood and dirt surrounded her figure,]

And I cannot find the example now, but I think there was also another instance where you kept saying skin. Rewording these sentences would probably be the easiest way to fix this, as most of the time clunky synonyms don't quite work.

Overall I think a good idea, and mostly good execution was spoilt by some clumsy phrasing "fear-fettered throat." The high point for me though was on the re-read - the opening section acting like an almost shakespearean opening sonnet, detailing the events of the story and yet we still find the ending unexpected.

Good luck in the WCC.