|Reviews for Sister|
| Rising Dusk chapter 1 . 6/8/2009
We lie side by side staring at the ceiling, making strange comments we’d never tell anyone, like about how I recently dreamt that frogs poured out of my mouth while she just sat laughing, or about how when younger she thought that all lizards were rubber toys, and as we intertwined our fingers and together imagine stars imprinted on the ceiling, like we once did with glow-in-the-dark star-shaped stickers, or together begin strange missions to identify cracks we never before found in the darkened white walls, we close our eyes to imagine we were by the beach, the fan the sea breeze.]
Word of advice, that is a really long run on sentence. You might want to break it down into one or two sentences.
It's short and sweet, but you should make it a bit longer. Describe more. If the sister had a speech impediment, then say so in the story somewhere.
Otherwise it's neat. Work on length.