|Reviews for Feed|
| Guest chapter 1 . 7/19/2012
I fear the butterfly but so want sex with 4 bros RIGHT MEOW!
| Tessellaneous chapter 1 . 8/7/2011
This reminded me of a more eloquent & realistic version of "Don't You Laugh When The Hearse Goes By". Beautiful flow of words.
| Laoch chapter 1 . 8/3/2011
Jeez, I have friggin chillz...
Excellently done with a good flow and rhyming. The concept of this is new, making it much more interesting to read (evil butterflies!) I really like it.
| simpleplan13 chapter 1 . 1/21/2011
Great job in December's Review Marathon!
I liked the idea here. It was really interesting and creepy. Definitely not something I'd thought of before. Some of your lines like the third one were really beautiful too.
A few things... You have correct punctuation in the beginning, but then that middle part is one run-on sentence. I think a comma after lie to make that a phrase and then a period after eye would be helpful. I also thought the rhyming sounded a bit forced. It just didn't flow effortlessly and some sentences seemed like they were phrased oddly just for the rhyme.
Still a good piece. Definitely will make me think twice when I look at butterflies.
| EliMerriman chapter 1 . 1/6/2010
Gulp... Such, such wonderful contrast. Such horrid contrast. I love the simple genius and brevity of this. Wonderful.
| Caterpillar-Drag-Queen chapter 1 . 12/17/2009
I will never look at a butterfly the same way again. (Shivers.) Although I did have an unexplainable fear of butterflies as a kid which has now come back to haunt me!
Well you've got a lovely way with words and I especially love the fourth sentance. Very nice!
| Lyra Pocaterra chapter 1 . 12/5/2009
Woah! I'll definetely never see butterflies the same way again... and here I was thinking they were innocent little creatures! :P
Good poem, keep writing!
| fatbird33 chapter 1 . 11/6/2009
i liked it. I think it's a great metaphor to many things in life. getting inspiration from nature always seems to lead to good things, such as this poem:)
| MagicWords chapter 1 . 9/26/2009
It is creepy but I really liked the word choice! However, "go into your eye" is the only place that could be styled differently. It's a little bland next to all the other stanzas. I loved it though.
| Zombiesaurus Rex chapter 1 . 9/26/2009
Hey, here’s your second Freebie.
Ok, wow. I love the images in this. You took something innocent (butterflies) and turned it into something horrifying. The idea of the proboscis piercing into a person’s eye is pretty damn creepy, and it plays on some of our innate psychological fears about our eyes.
Good work here.
The flow in this piece is pretty good. It has a rather sing-song cant to it, like a childhood rhyme, and that helps make it even creepier. It certainly works for the poem, at least.
I loved how matter-of-fact everything was. You didn’t dance around what the butterflies actually do to their victims, and that gives the whole piece a very dark, macabre tone. It’s certainly well-suited for the subject matter.
I love horror, so I had a good read here. It’s such a simple piece, and I think that’s where its strength is. You don’t delve into poetic abstract language, and so the horrifying aspects of the poem have a sense of immediacy.
| CuriousContradiction chapter 1 . 7/16/2009
Butterflies... from a distance, they're beautiful, but up close- that's a different story. They have these bulgy, beady eyes. Very creepy.
I liked this poem because it sounds innocent for some reason. I can't quite explain it. It sounds like a little child sitting on the swings in the dark in a horror movie. You know what I'm talking about? And you hear the innocent little kid singing some nursery song or lullaby in their cute baby voice and it's so eerie! Anyways. Back to your poem. This piece just reminded me of a twisted fairytale in poetry-form. Great job!
| Tsumujikaze no Soujutsu chapter 1 . 6/23/2009
Yep you're right here. A swarm of butterflies can be really creepy. Which is exactly the feel you've portrayed here in this work. But for some weird reason, I just can't visualize these insects along that line. But I think you could have done better with the details. The way you described the butterflies eating seems a bit on the general side instead of being detailed. Apart from that, nothing much to say here. And yeah, when are you going to update Domesticating the Wolf?
| Liastoria Alestera chapter 1 . 6/19/2009
Woa,I like this! "A red proboscis will unfold and go into your eye" came as a nasty suprise, but I enjoyed the poem from beginning to end, great job! You make me want to sit down and start spinning new poems :)
| Aleksy The Flying Onion chapter 1 . 6/17/2009
THAT'S SO WEIRD!
(Long winded personal diatribe about butterflies. Skip if so desired -) I was outside maybe an hour ago, sitting on the front porch. My Mom is a little garden crazy, so there are about twenty different kinds of plants in crazy pots all along our cement path and porch. Around this time of year, butterflies start swarming the place and it's really rather pretty.
But today, as I watched a mob of dusky purple butterflies float around like pieces of confetti, I wondered if they have teeth. Do butterflies have teeth? Kind of a creepy thought. Pretty little creatures of doom!
Anyway, this poem is awesome. Cheeky, short, and sweet (or sweetly sour). Reminds me of the 'worms crawl in the worms crawl out poem'.
| Badger In Disguise chapter 1 . 6/14/2009
I love it. So simply horrifying! And about butterflies, no less...