wow. what a cliffhanger. sadness...

This is quite interesting. It's not often that I read a relationship based story from the point of view of the abuser. I'm enjoying the tone you're using and the way you've made him still relatable. I'm rooting for him to get a clue and get some help with his anger issues. I'm also really wanting to learn more about Gavin's history. Love the breadcrumbs you're leaving for us.

last note: since you didn't initially (within first 3 chapters) have Gavin's POV, it's sometimes a bit jarring to have his POV now, especially when it's not furthering the story or giving more information than we already have from Brecken. That said, I haven't read the story you have on FP from his point of view, which some people may be reading concurrently, so may not be getting the full experience.

As always, thanks for another fun chapter.

I'm totally diggin' the characters and the mystery that is Gavin. The teenage confusion, moodiness and arrogance is also believable. I hope you continue the story to its completion for us (and the characters). Thanks!

Love the story, the characters, the intrigue and let me tel you I'm dying to find out what happens next. That was an awful cliffhanger, please, please update soon!

Ahh! This story is great - I've just re-read it for the second time a couple months or so later. You need to update!

How dare you not update immediately after this chapter! So speechless right now.

...oh wow
well that got intense didn't it
just as i thought it was going (relatively) smoothly

on a random note i really like collin idek he just seems cool despite being a bit of a douche

So I haven't exactly reviewed at all since I started keeping up with this, but I started feeling kind of bad. Anyways,
SOBBING BECAUSE THIS CHAPTER JUST KILLS OKAY. JUST, I CAN'T. NICK COMING TO BRECKEN AND PUNCHING HIM AND BRECKEN RETALIATING AND GAVIN JUST COMES INTO THE PICTURE LIKE WHAT THE ACTUAL ASJFKAL OKAY.
More sobs because that cliffhanger is just like the one from the first chapter and sobbing more because it just kills me. This is just so amazing and my creys I just love so much because it's written so well and I love this so much again okay. So please, please, PLEASE (I'm dying from lack of) update soon because the suspense is just destroying me whenever I think about it. ;A; This is just beautiful okay, sob.

UPDATEEEEEE GAHH
ITS KILLING ME
I NEEED TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS
darn your cliffhanger

You want a review? Okay.

" -"

So about that update...

I know I know it took me a while to read this one and I'm sorry... I guess all it took was lying on the floor of your apartment while you fell asleep on the couch leaving me alone D:

Anyways great chapter I'm off to read Gavins story! Loves you!

At first I totally forgot that this is by the same author as “Arrogant and Intrusive”. It’s a very large leap ahead of that story, on every front. I have some praise and some constructive criticisms.
The first segment of the story – up until about the party where Brecken spends his whole night trying to find Gavin – is just amazing. Your grasp of the psychology of your characters is very real and complex. Your characters breathe with life, seem to be very individual people as well as fitting into broader types. The careful and believable unfolding of the plot is excellent. I wouldn’t hesitate to consider this among the best slash fiction on FP.
You can probably see the big fat ‘but’ coming up already. But… the second segment presents many difficulties. I can’t say exactly where the first segment becomes the second, but I only realized it was happening after the scene with the party because: a) I no longer understood Brecken’s motivations, and therefore couldn’t empathize with him the same way I did before, b) Colin seemed to change wholesale into another character, after having disappeared for a while, c) Gavin was in a band. Okay, that last point wasn’t very important.
The significance of understanding the motivation of the characters: in a recent chapter, you remarked about how Brecken is a douchebag. That hasn’t changed, from the beginning to the ending. However, in the beginning, I clearly understood his actions and emotional responses. He swells with power over Gavin, but then feels regret. He vacillates from one position to another, but in a perfectly human way. At some point though, there was a distancing, and we no longer were privy to why Brecken acts the way he does. He is so jealous it’s crazy, but instead of saying to myself “Aha, he’s jealous, and I know why,” all I can say is “He sure is jealous. The douchebag.” His motivations have become opaque. They seem to come from nowhere, and go nowhere. To be frank, it seems like you put him in a certain mood because it’s convenient for you, rather than because it follows from what’s going on.
And the point around Colin is important. Colin represented more than just himself; he was a stand-in for all the parts of school and society that Brecken feared when he denied he was gay (ish). If Colin really had no issue with it, and nobody else did either, then what was the point? Why was he so afraid? If he was just overwhelmed with unrealistic anxieties, that would be one thing, but you don’t account for that either.
So, we can see that my main criticisms are structural. The story progresses around a tightly laced and well thought-out structure, where every event leads to the next; but then it dissolves into uninteresting side characters and small episodes that feel like reruns of chapters that were filler to begin with. This is what my frustration with Colin and my frustration with Brecken’s motivations come back to – instead of their personalities, wants, and desires playing out to create the plot, they are divested of all of these and made into puppets, into almost parodies of themselves.
So this might sound discouraging. Keep in mind that I don’t think this second section is awful – it’s not nearly as fulfilling as the first section but it still held my attention, and had its own gratifications. I think it makes the most sense that if you do agree to my criticism, you can just accept that that’s how this story played out and keep these thoughts in mind for the next story. This latest chapter really threw me – while you were hinting at the content for a while, the last sentence fell on my like a ton of bricks, so clearly you’re still doing things well.

I need a sequal! When is that coming out?

Wow this story is definitely taking me on one wild and crazy...trip lol sry couldn't help it. but seriously, I am so into this story. I like to go back and reread this story from the beginning just to try and understand the relationship between the two characters. It's incredible. Lives are so fascinating, I honestly can't wait for what comes next . I'm completely clueless and loving every second of it. love the originality

Keep writing, and please look out for Gavin. He's been through so much already. Hey both have I guess.

-L

When Auden said, "mrs. Grace Waters," I realized that if Gavin were to take Brecken's last name, he would share a name with a gay porn star... don't ask me how I know that. Great story, though!

My name is Danish for "i'm learning Danish."