Reviews for Ravenspire
Karyn13 chapter 16 . 8/6/2009
Great job! I love this chapter! :)
Karyn13 chapter 15 . 7/19/2009
lovely chapter. Beautifully written. You are amazing!
Karyn13 chapter 14 . 7/13/2009
ugh. I do NOT like Elsie at all. And I really like the part about the itch she couldn't scratch somewhere near her heart. I don't know why I like it, but it is really cool! :) Can't wait to see what happens next! Oh, and yea, if Ray knew something couldn't he tell her? I would be mad...unless he somehow was friends with the person who poisned Aly...but then that wouldn't make sense because he's a healer. Hm...Longest review yet! lol I"ll shut up now. Post soon!
karen-ohana chapter 1 . 7/11/2009
Ugh Cliff hangers..hehehe

Well written

I loved it!

hehe

Hey read my stories/poems heheh!
Karyn13 chapter 12 . 7/10/2009
Uh-oh. I don't think I like that Lord Daniel guy. And who would posion Aly? Unless, like it said, it was aimed for someone else...hm can't wait to read more!
Karyn13 chapter 11 . 7/10/2009
very well written. luved it! especially the last part of the whole brandon or bran thing
Karyn13 chapter 10 . 7/4/2009
nice job! ugh, I hate it when people just let me win...which happens quite often to me because I stink at all board games... anyways, can't wait to see what happens next!
Karyn13 chapter 9 . 6/30/2009
great job, can't wait to see what happens next!
Karyn13 chapter 8 . 6/24/2009
You have such a way with words! Amazing!

Can't wait to read more!
Karyn13 chapter 7 . 6/22/2009
I hate cliff hangers! Write more!

:)
Karyn13 chapter 6 . 6/22/2009
wow! you post fast! I like! Great job!...again! I can't wait to see what happens next!
Karyn13 chapter 5 . 6/20/2009
Nice job..again! lol Wow, superb detail. excellent. I wish I was half as good as you! Can't wait to see more
Karyn13 chapter 4 . 6/15/2009
I really like how you write in each characters voice. Great job and post/write more soon :)
Karyn13 chapter 3 . 6/15/2009
Once again, great job! Maybe put a little more detail in what the outside of Ravenspire looked like... You are brilliant! write more
Friggin Awesome chapter 3 . 6/14/2009
First, would like to say, I like the diary format. Good choice.

Noticing a few errors, but nothing a little editing won't take out...

In your first paragraph, you wrote...

"But not that I'm at the destination..."

Shouldn't it be "...now that I'm at the destination..."?

In your fifth paragraph you said...

"I saw a girl as old as old..." You really don't need to say it twice. :P

And in, many of your paragraphs, (but mainly in the third, I noticed) you used excessive long sentences and COMMAS.

As a teacher once told me, "Put that comma gun away!" Cheesy, but right. You have many, many commas. Which I don't usually dislike, but all your sentences were long, and without some variety, it was much less fluent. Remember, readers always read it differently than you do.

Now, some good stuff. As I said before, I liked that it was written in diary form-it really sounded like a little girl wrote this. Though, the beginning left me a little skeptical, it may just be your character.

(The "I just want to be the center of somebody's world." That line seemed odd to me, for one reason. Alot of people (Especially girls) want this, but most -never- realize that is what they want. It's just what makes them happy, and they don't actually notice it's because they are being the center of attention. However, this side note is getting a little long.)

The diary form of this chapter excellently showed the sister's interpretation of her siblings and aunt, which I really enjoyed. All in all, looking forward to the next chapter.

Keep writing.
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