|Reviews for Destiny Between Two Stars|
| Solittletime.Alloveragain chapter 3 . 7/25/2009
You writing is great!
This is really good! I was thinking it a little bit unexciting, especially with Rose's soft attitude. But then it definitely hit me when he said "I can assure you fair maiden..." lol
And I'm curious, what was he wearing? I expect he should be wearing something unusual, did she not notice them?
Although I do find this a bit cliche, I look forward to ontinue reading.
| Gummi-Arms chapter 8 . 7/18/2009
Nice. I would probably do the same thing in her shoes. Perhaps a tad bit more violently, but I'm crazy like that. Honestly, I think it would be hilarious if a girl in that position were to kick him in the shin or something. At the very least, a comment along the lines of, "I'm not going to marry a stranger." might be well justified.
Hmm... you might want to go back and fix some of the language in this chapter. Minor things mostly, the biggest one was the use of suppose instead of supposed. But like I said, it's minor.
I didn't see any problems with the flow, though there is certainly room for details should you wish to add any. (Maybe the prince would shout something after her when she runs off?) Interesting how much they care about her as a savior, yet they show so little interest in her as a person. It would probably make a huge difference in her attitude if someone eventually realized that.
| Gummi-Arms chapter 7 . 7/6/2009
I'm glad I was able to help you out. Hopefully I didn't come off as too harsh last time. Anyways, to answer your question, the flow was alright. It was a lot of information, but I think that it was somewhat necessary.
I once read a post where someone likened taking an infodump to taking an actual dump. If you gotta go, then you gotta just relax and do it. But if you don't gotta go, then you strain and strain and don't accomplish much. I apologize for the horrifying mental image that analogy creates, but the wisdom of it is irrefutable. My point is, I think your infodump was justified.
If you wanted to take it a step further, you could always put in little random blurbs involving history that just kind of come up. It should be little stuff, tidbits of history, children's songs or nursery rhymes, proverbs, or even weird customs that the people adopted to survive or that they carry on in defiance. (Every once in a while, some history buff explains the origin of old customs and sayings, and some of it is mind boggling.) I've taken to this approach lately in my own stories, and it tends to add a lot of depth. Anyways, that's my two cents, I've stared rambling again haven't I?
The narration style was certainly different. I'm not sure if I would change it. One the one hand, it is entirely Orion speaking, and his reactions to Rose's reactions, which is kind of amusing, but also somewhat limiting. On the other hand, it is a little jarring to not only switch POV but also the entire style of the story. However, given the kind of character Orion has been presented as thus far, it also makes a lot of sense to narrate it that way. Certainly, it isn't a style of narration I see too often, which makes it a unique alternative to simply doing a series of flashbacks. I guess I'm 50/50 on it.
| Gummi-Arms chapter 6 . 7/4/2009
Hmm... my only criticism is that you need to learn the difference between 'a part' and 'apart'. I wouldn't have brought it up except you used it several times. Anyways, you want a part. 'A part' of this world. Apart means almost the exact opposite. They couldn't stand to be 'apart'.
That said, the chapter was pretty enjoyable. Some nice swashbuckling action, and Rose finally loses it. It was really only a matter of time. But it'll be nice to have some background for this strange new world, and to learn the who and the why of everything. I can sympathize with her; I wouldn't want to lay down my life for some people I don't even know and some world I'm not a part of. In fact, I'm a little surprised that no 'chosen one' type characters have ever questioned why the hell the powers that be let things get so bad and then expect a single person to solve all the world's problems.
Orion strikes me as a guy who is a little too straightforward. He doesn't sugar coat things, he doesn't seem to know when to hold back a little. He doesn't seem to grasp subtlety at all. Which is pretty entertaining when paired with a sensitive and intelligent girl like Rose.
I wonder how Teagan feels about them pairing up, though. She seems close to Orion, so I would be a little surprised if she didn't show some jealousy sooner or later.
| Miss-You-Too chapter 5 . 7/2/2009
Orion is so old, lol. I wait to see what happens next!
| Gummi-Arms chapter 5 . 7/2/2009
Interesting... well written, but it seems a little by the book to me, though if your summary is any indication there should be some point where you break away from that. I suppose it could just be the atmosphere you're going for, because I am certainly getting that 'too perfect' feeling from a lot of the characters that the main character was bothered with. I'll be looking forward to more of this.
| Gummi-Arms chapter 3 . 7/2/2009
I like the school atmosphere. The characters and the setting are pretty universal in that respect, but in a good way. And greek gods and whatnot are always fun to play around with, I have to admit. I also like the concise pace of the story, its something I've never been able to do well.
| PhantomMichaeliS chapter 1 . 6/30/2009
your story flows so well, everything just falls into place. I will be waiting for more!
| Miss-You-Too chapter 4 . 6/28/2009
Wee! I'm kinda confused about whats going on, but just a bit which i'm sure i'll understand in the chapters to come. Can't wait to find out though!
| GjK chapter 4 . 6/26/2009
Update soon! I have to know what happens.
| GjK chapter 3 . 6/26/2009
Oh. Now I'm even more intrigued. I'm really loving this story. I like that Rose is an intelligent girl. She breaks the mold which is nice to see. Also, I enjoyed the part about the psych major being a beautiful party girl. I'm a psych major myself and it's soo true. I encounter those girls all the time. I always wonder why people like that would be interested in psych. Anyway I can really relate to the main character so far... which I love! This promises not only to be a entertaining, but also intelligent.
| GjK chapter 2 . 6/26/2009
So far this is very intriguing. I have to say it is also refreshing to read such polished writing. On to the the next chapter!
| BlueCrystal chapter 3 . 6/25/2009
What a fun read this chapter was! I really like the idea of Orion having stardust with him. I don't know where this is going, except perhaps something to do with Celestia, and destinies. But I like it. There are some sentence construction issues, for example, when Rose says, "I'm not going with you anywhere," when it sounds better and reads easier when you word it "I"m not going anywhere with you," Simple stuff like that, though, can be fixed so easily, though. I like this story a lot.
| Miss-You-Too chapter 3 . 6/23/2009
Wow, wasn't expecting random guy falling from sky. This was great and I love the name Orion, it sounds so cool! I can't wait for the next chapter!
| Miss-You-Too chapter 2 . 6/16/2009
I really like this. It seems to have potential and your writing style is great! Update soon, I would really love to see where this is going.