I love how your idea for a story, but it seems a bit rushed. It feels like you just had this story gnawing at you to get out so you wrote it in a rush. Maybe in a little while you should go back and read it again. Try to read it like you're someone else. Then edit and add stuff to it that you think will make it more clear. I love it, and I'd love to see this grow into something amzing, not just good.

Okay... I'm a bit confused... I checked your website, and I noticed that you have 29 chapters whereas this has 25.

The first few are the same in both sites... But chap 7 here, corresponds to chap 8 there...

so what about chapter 7 on your website?

Which one should I be reading?

*lost*

Let me start off by saying I loved your website! It looks great and YAY! for the chapters there!

Having said that, let me start crying because your website hates me and it said I needed a password to read the first version of the chapter!

*cries some more*

In the beginning of this chapter it says Red's name is Damian - does he refer to himself like this? It then goes back to Red - I'm just a little confused but the story looks good! :)

I loved this story. Read the whole thing in one sitting. The ending is perfect and I really liked how 'normally' the whole gay lifestyle is portrayed. No major issues with wrong and right, just people loving other people. Beautifully done.

Great story! I have no idea why you don't have as many reviews as you'd like /

I'm not sure if you knew, but you have a few paragraphs twice in chapter 10. It's no big deal, but semi annoying/confusing when you read it.

Also, you've had a bunch of mix ups using apostrophes. If you want to say someone owns something (ie "Those crayons are Johnny's") you use an apostrophe, not when you want to make something plural (ie "There are three Johnnys in our class").

I really like the story though! Please continue it!

Thanks for the update! Are they ever going to get together?

Interesting story Damian's character is very well developed, he feels like a real person. I would like to learn more about Simon but other than that great chapter, I can’t wait for the next.

Just so you know, the quotation marks are no longer showing up. Anyway, good story, look forward to reading more.

Ciao,

Waffles

Aw man, I love your story. Love, love, love it. I really can't wait for more. I love Damian and all of his sexual comments/gestures. I must say Simon is doing a pretty damn good job at holding back which makes it cute. Well can't wait for more, thank you.

The Author's note on the first chapter said that the first couple chapters aren't that good, but I thought the first chapter was quite good. It got me interested and now i really want to read and find out what happens. Most first chapters I don't even get through or I skim and skip through, so I say you did a good job. Thanks.

update please

update please

I love it. Love it love it love it.