Reviews for Erestina: Unification
Bryman chapter 41 . 1/21/2010
This is just as good as any profesional fantasy book that has been published. It's unique and magical, as well as unpredictable at times. The names you choose are wonderful. Louisa, James, Walden, Baylor... all strike a certain, magical, feeling. I likehow you make them meet people and move on. Hope they show up later on. Also I really hope this Roth guy comes back in just so that the group can kill him. On another note, I wonder how James's friend from his village, was it Luke?, is taking his being gone and not coming back like he promised. To tell you the truth I didn't really get a picture of Louisa other than she's beautiful. I was thinking she was James's height but when she tried to kiss walden I was like ' no way she'd be James's height. Also, are you going to let James have a little romance? That would be the one thing that would make this story complete[ for me anyway] and it would interest everyone further in how James would do in that type of relationship. Hope you update soon! sorry for the long review.
Prinnydood02 chapter 39 . 1/14/2010
So Quinn and her sisters were evil? But she seemed so nice. Now I'm left wondering if all Cyanyanka are like her.

Great chapter as always. It's nice to see the group together for the first time. Hopefully nothing else like this happens to them again. I think Baylor deserves some rest!
Prinnydood02 chapter 34 . 1/12/2010
The gang is back together again!

I fully expected it to take another three chapters for the group to reunite so I was pleasantly surprised. And of course, your knack for subtly dangling secrets in front of me keeps me reading. Cyanyanka can use magic? Louisa waited for James and Walden to find her? Both questions I hope to be answered before the Joy Angel arc ends.
Prinnydood02 chapter 29 . 1/11/2010
So Angel is the camp leader? Interesting... she reminds me a lot of Louisa in her cold nature. Was that intentional or am I just drawing a conclusion too early?

I can't help but point out this one line: "The way she clutched the bag was very much like the way she toyed carelessly with the fates of those around her."

Wow! Talk about character development. This one line told me everything about how Joy Angel acts and percieves others. Joy Angel just became my new favorite villain!
Prinnydood02 chapter 28 . 1/11/2010
Breeding huh? Well that was unexpected, but also very refreshing. I don't read many stories on this site that tackle something this mature without it being forced.

One thing I've noticed with this story is something of a formula:

The group head off to the next stone.

They have a conflict before reaching town.

The town has some sort of problem.

The group fixes the problem.

The group reach the Shrine and fight a Forces.

It's not a bad set-up, just predictable. Throw a wrench into this formula and give something unexpected. This slave camp is a good first step and I hope to see more things like this as I read on.
Prinnydood02 chapter 27 . 1/11/2010
It's about time Louisa made a move!

You've been hinting at it for quite a while now that when it came up, it was totally unexpected. But that's just like Louisa isn't it? Now I eagerly await how their relationship will grow.

Walden has now graduated from smooth-talking protector to romantic, badass protector in one chapter. Awesome! He took care of those attackers like it was nothing. Too bad he was beaten by an old fogey. Oh well, at least now I'll get to find out about this Angel I've been hearing about. Curse those cliffhangers...
Prinnydood02 chapter 21 . 1/9/2010
I was going to wait another ten chapters before I reviewed again, but I couldn't wait.

He's alive!

I must say, the drama leading up to the moment when James makes his paralysis deduction was quite good. The descriptions were spot on. Louisa's reaction was both surprising and believable. This is by far the best part of the story so far. Great job!

Prinnydood02 chapter 20 . 1/9/2010
Walden is dead? No... I refuse to believe it. The one time we get to see him fight and he gets killed.

This is the kind of hook I hunger for in a good story. I can definitely see myself marathoning the rest of the story to see how it all turns out. Once again the characters shine with witty dialogue and clever situations. The farther into the story I go the more interesting and deep the characters become. The most jaw-dropping part so far was learning that Walden had a child so young.

The only thing I want to see more of is the Forces. They are such a mystery right now and a bit more elaboration could help. I just hate being in the dark about them for twenty chapters now.

I can't wait to see how this story ends!


(By the way I read your review and saw how you said my story could become an interesting video game. That means a lot to me because it's exactly what I was going for! Thanks for the review.)
Prinnydood02 chapter 10 . 1/8/2010
I am loving this story so far.

The characters, the setting, most everything is a storytelling trope that's been fine-tuned just enough for it to be recognizeable while being fresh at the same time. The best thing about the story is the witty bnter between James, Louisa, and Walden. They bicker like college roomates which makes them very likeable characters.

The only complaint I have is the fact that the settings are established as fully as they could be. I can picture where the characters are, but there are very few audio cues mentioned. But it's a minor thing. Keep up the good work. I'll definitely follow this story until the end.
Jeremiah-Saint chapter 1 . 12/8/2009
Hey, just got done reading this intro.

It goes without saying your grammar is superb and as far as prose goes, you actually understand how to craft it. The template of reluctant hero is one I haven't found in my short stay here at the fantasy genre but yes, this is the first 'chosen one' story I've seen and I liked the way you kind of make said character skeptical and not s much reluctant. This makes the exposition not as forced as the 'old sage' character generally is.

In fact, I really enjoy the dialogue and non-sequitors between the Louisa and James. The only problem I saw is that at times when you've already established the gist of what's going on, James will question Louisa again about her task and the plot elements. While this is applicable after maybe a scene change or some form of progression forward in which you need to reiterate key points (say, in the next chapter or so) there's the understandable aura of skepticism that's relatable but then there's a point where he's borderline forgetful.

Another thing, and this is minor, that I worked on during my rewrite is to establish less of a stage and more of an environment for the characters. Nothing huge, just little sounds, visuals, or nuances that establishes "There's more going on in this world than just this specific conversation".

All in all, it's a pleasant story with interesting characters and I'm sold enough to read on and see how it plays out.
Airblade64 chapter 1 . 12/7/2009
Entertaining, in a word. I can appreciate the subtle humor going on in the background here. James is an interesting example of the so-called reluctant hero, and thus far he fits the bill nicely.

Louisa, a.k.a. Miss Plot Exposition, is a wonderful conglomerate of fantasy tropes, and I have to grin every time I find another one. She's beautiful, an ancient spirit, bearer of the mystical Rain Stone, and can even pull golden swords out of rocks. Awesome :D.

The dialogue is consistently fun to read. My favorite parts are when Louisa slips up a bit and James gives her the proverbial "...uh, what?" line. Well executed, and clever at that.

All in all, this is turning out to be a fun bit of work. My only complaint might be in the moderate frequency of this particular dialogue structure:

"Oh really," said so-and-so. "I don't agree."

"Ah," returned such-and-such. "But you should."

No biggie, though. I'm really enjoying the way you poke fun at common fantasy fallacies without being too obvious about it.

Good work so far.

Dagonmaster chapter 10 . 11/25/2009
First off, I wish to sincerely apologize for not reviewing on a chapter by chapter basis. I usually don't do it, for I'm either too busy or I get caught up so much in what I'm reading that I simply forget.

With that said, I'm going to try to review your work on a chapter by chapter basis. But enough of that, allow me to get to the review.

So far, your story is very good. I really like your writing style, for its incredibly descriptive, but at the same time, not overkill.

Also, your writing has good flow and great pacing.

Your characters are another thing that I really like. All of them, are well fleshed out and overall are enjoyable to read, especially the parts with Louisa.

The plot of the story is also great in my view. Its really original and highly creative. Also, it doesn't seem to take any elements that are commonly found in most fantasy stories that are on this site.

Overall, your story is great and I can't wait to read on.

P.S: I would really appreciate it, if you take the time to look at my own work.
Liveey123348 chapter 1 . 10/28/2009
TOMB37 chapter 13 . 10/27/2009
I think that this story is really descriptive. I can actually see the scene in my mind and the plot is really good. I enjoy the various creatures and hope you will continue to write as you've left a very tense cliff hanger.
papaparazzi chapter 12 . 10/24/2009
i like iris...she's an interesting character

like she's feminist, but her culutre kind of supports a weird version of feminism

she has a really strong personality, but she won't interrupt james or say he's wrong

even though she knows it's wrong...

that makes for a very interesting dilemna

i hope iris joins them

i really like the names you use. they sound mystical, but they're all names you would encounter int he real world so they're not obnoxious.

like louisa...

somehow it sounds magical in this story.
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