|Reviews for Vampirkampf|
| Angel-Leigh Jones chapter 2 . 9/12/2009
i actually like the way this is written. Its rustic, and suits this character well. I haven't read a chapter written this way for a long time. Its fresh and yeah as you can tell i really like it.
I didn't find any mistakes, not that i was looking - i was too engrossed in reading it.
I wonder how this is going to go. Very interesting story. I hope you update soon.
| Angel-Leigh Jones chapter 1 . 9/12/2009
oh, this one is sad. Very powerful though too cause it's a tear jerker. One that is filled with loads of emotion. You've written this really well.
Will read onwards :)
| Chancee chapter 2 . 6/20/2009
A vampire that's like the human torch...COOLNESS! This is very interesting and I like the point of view change. It reads well and poor Jurai really seems like a weak vampire so far. But hey, they're not all totally god like you know.
This is really well planned out so far and I can't wait to see the reaction when Baerian meets Reggie.
The only thing I would suggest is watch how many times you use 'I'. Try to use fewer of them so it does not get tiresome. That's all I saw that stuck out while I was reading so great job as always.
Hope you update this soon!
Momo author of My Queen - Pay it forward the roadhouse
| Chancee chapter 1 . 6/19/2009
YOu brought me to tears and I hate you for it...**Sniffs**Sniffs**
That was so said and emotional...I LOVED IT! I could just feel the distressed heart beat of the husband and I felt a sense of lost myself so great job with the emotion for this prologue.
You have some good talent and this is just another example of it.
I see you only have one chapter up for this and I hope you update soon.
I already know I want to get into this since I love all things Vampire - NO NOT TWILIGHT- but vampire.
Momo author of My Queen - Pay it forward the Roadhouse
| J. D. Bennett chapter 2 . 6/15/2009
I love it. It has that great wit in it that makes it worth reading. I know you said on your profile that you usually don't finish your stories, but I'd love it if you kept going on this one. It's very interesting and I want to read more. Keep up the good work!
| ArekuKawaii chapter 2 . 6/15/2009
You use the f-word (rather not type it... I'm on a school computer.) twice in this chapter. Now, I am not against that word at all. I am just warning you to choose your audience then think about whether or not they would be distrubed by your use of it.
I don't like the tense switching. I know you explained it but it is distracting. However, as part of the character that is rather clever.
The ending was nice. I like the little quips in the speech because they made me laugh. 'just wanted to stop you' that is my favorite line because it was amusing and original.
The fact that you used the name Reginald is funny because my friend just named their unicorn in a story Sir Reginald.
| mikey magee chapter 1 . 6/14/2009
", a smile in his voice. " Change to "a smile ON his face" There were some phrasing problems, like "She sees my smile and she only forms a small, sad one in response." This sentence along with others, didn't read very smoothly. Maybe try to rephrase to "She smiled, but it seemed as if she would cry" or something that can show sadness as well as happiness.
I liked that the prologue was short. It set up the story well and moved at a pace that was not slow.
I also loved the ending. I could truly feel how tired and even sad she was at the end of the chapter.
| TheLadyPendragon chapter 2 . 6/13/2009
Baerien *is* an interesting character. I thought he would be. He's very quirky, and I enjoy reading about him. I can tell he's something of a jerk, but the way he talks about Amelia's death shows that he has a soft side. Also, the end of your chapters really make me eager for more. I wonder just how much of a brat Reggie is, or is Baerien just exaggerating? How will Bae react to him? And, as you said he's a bit uneducated, what could he possibly tutor Reggie in? Manners? Somehow, that's hard to see (and I say that with affection, since Bae is so sarcastic). Is it just vampirism, then? Setting things on fire, and whatever other powers vampires have?
And I'm curious. Does Bae meet and fall in love with another girl or with Reggie? I mean, I noticed that you write some slash, so I'm sure what sort of airing it is. I love slash, and I read well written non-slash (your writing is very well written, no worries) so I don't mind either or. Can't wait for more.
| TheLadyPendragon chapter 1 . 6/13/2009
I like the start. I was enjoying Amelia. She seems like a strong, believable mother, and her death saddens me. I wish we got to know her more. But your main character sounds interesting, though I'll bet that he's probably bitter over Amelia's death. I'll definitely read more - it sounds like it'll be a good story. Definitely not like most vampire stories I've read here or anywhere.
| Eurypon chapter 2 . 6/13/2009
I liked the flow of the opening of this story. It was almost like a movie. A prologue with a dramatic, ominous birth in the past, cut back to a more ordinary present. This kind of variety, and changing of point of view, keeps me interested. I also liked how both characters through whose eyes we look, have a different voice. Nicely done.
The dialogues, especially those of the chapter 1, have a lively feel about it. I also found the frequent use of short sentences agreeable.
The plot, or what we know of it, seems intricate and the characters have a complex relation. That's a promise for a satisfying read.
I found no obvious problems with the language or the grammar.
This could very well become one of those stories for which you disconnect the phone.
| LaFarfalla chapter 1 . 6/13/2009
Aww that was so sad! Sad, but very well written. The whole thing flowed nicely and I wanted to keep reading.
"“What?” He stares at me in confusion, as if I have somehow lost my mind and forgot his name. "
That part was a cute little detail. You have a lot of cute little details in your writing.
Poor Ame [ Having the story in the present tense first person was a good idea, especially since the character was going to die. It added suspense.
Good work! Keep it up!
| ByYourSide chapter 1 . 6/13/2009
_ So sad. I love how you wrote the ending, with the sentences growing shorter and with the elipses. Awesome effect. :]
Poor Reggie. Poor Jurai.
*My Jurai is too hopeful, too innocent from most realities in this world to know what is happening to me.*
That's heartbreaking. He seems like a good, cheerful man. I'm for him, and poor Reggie. I wonder how he'll turn out. :(
I like how she sings to him. I hope little Reggie always remembers his mother's voice-that'd be so poetical.
Your sentences aren't verbose or hard to read, and I like that. I also like the prologue title. Overall, pretty sweet chapter. (: