|Reviews for Contact|
| Mizzuz Spock chapter 2 . 12/9/2009
God, you gotta feel for Ryan. He brings all his problems on himself, though.
I loved the whole nightclub scene. Yet another wonderful insight into Ryan's character. (I found the cancer cell line to be oddly poetic.)
As before, the dialogue is amazing. And loved the ending of this chapter. :]
| Mizzuz Spock chapter 1 . 12/9/2009
I love this! The dialogue, especially. It's sharp and witty, and the line about atheists actually made me laugh out loud.
I find the whole atmosphere to be very unique. Hitting on a girl during a funeral? Ryan has no shame, does he? Probably why I find his character so likeable. I have a soft spot for the jerks.
I found a couple mistakes:
* “Nice hair.” was how she replied before shifting her focus
There should be a comma after "hair."
* Not it mattered much anyway…
This is somewhere towards the beginning. I think "that" should be entered between "not" and "it."
Also, I noticed you had a habit of tossing in a lot of ellipses (...'s). Maybe toss in a couple dashes or just end the sentence with a period.
Other than that, excellent job. :]
| Frayling0 chapter 3 . 12/7/2009
Loving this story, the concept seems so novel to me. I liked the little developments at the start. Some of your sentences seem so stylish and accomplished too, e.g. 'Not even a cactus could have survived in this frigid aridity' - the juxtaposition of words there seems pretty clever. All in all I'm enjoying this, and look forward to see what happens next. Nice work! ~ Luke
| xenolith chapter 2 . 11/23/2009
Oh my god this is freakin awesome! Why does it not have more reviews? I swear, this is way better than a million other things I've read on this site. Your whatsit, protagonist? anti-hero? is very endearing. I loved the scene at the beginning, his anger, and I love the way he views the world. It's kinda indifferent, but not really, like... it's loaded with some kind of sick pleasure because he belongs in it or something... oh I'm ranting. Your characters have drawn me in completely.
I loved this: 'She seemed like the chewing-gum type; chew them, savor that pop of artificial sugary blast in your mouth before spitting it out when it lost its flavor.'
You have a great insight, I think, and it translates well into your writing. Bravo!
| xenolith chapter 1 . 11/23/2009
I think I've read this before. I love it, anyways. Oh it was so sombre and the dialogue flowed so well. I particularly liked this part:
'“Congratulations.” He didn’t mean it. What lay ahead of her was a hefty couple of years crammed in this bleak desolate hole of a city. Where the neon shop lights shone brighter than the stars.'
Awesome tone, setting, characters and descriptions. Well done :)
| Frayling0 chapter 2 . 11/22/2009
What can I say? I love your concept, and the second chapter shows me you can execute it so well. You're a talented writer, mainly because I can totally sympathise with your characters, and their dialogue is both realistic and engaging. Well done on this, I look forward to reading more :) ~ Luke
| Frayling0 chapter 1 . 11/18/2009
Nice work, I guess I can learn a bit on characters here, because yours seemed pretty realistic. I noticed a few teeny tiny grammar errors, where a comma was needed because the sentence didn't make sense. Also there was long bits off dialogue which were like play scripts. I liked it though... the setting of the funeral parlour was incongruous with the teenage emotion stuff, so that worked really well as a juxtaposition. The ending was good, bitter sweet in a way. I look forward to reading more.
| Aobh chapter 3 . 7/20/2009
this is certainly an interesting story, I like the concept, continue with it D
| kayla202blue chapter 2 . 7/2/2009
This is a really great story, I love your writing.
| Aurora Johnson chapter 1 . 6/15/2009
Its so good,
i love how you don't do the whole 'She said, he said' thing. It drives me insane when people do that.
Wicked storyline, too.
| Lauren N. Shelton chapter 1 . 6/14/2009
I really like Paige and I definitley like your style of writing. Ha, hooking up at a funeral. And I liked the "Okay. Bury any atheists here?" bit. Please update, I want to continue on with this story and see where you take it :)