Reviews for codename:zack
professional griefer chapter 1 . 8/1/2012
His backstory seems a bit too tragic to be believable. I know you have to do some things in order to give it a plot, but it just feels like you have too much stuff happening to this kid. It makes it thoroughly unbelievable and harder to read in my opinion.
The narrative style is very matter of fact, which can be a good thing or a bad thing. It presents everything that's happening and states it very nicely, but it has zero personality. So when you have no personality in your narrative style, the content will have to be more believable or interesting because you're just saying what's happened.
This could go either way at this point. It needs a few improvements so far, but I'm interested to see what's going to happen next.
Chancee chapter 1 . 6/25/2009
This was a very compelling beginning and realistic.

I could sense the serious tone of being neglected by druggies and the sense of despair is well written.

The flow was good and it felt like I was going along watching this kid grow up so very good job there for helping me envision our MC. I think this is going to be interesting if you keep up with the pace you have set and the dramatic style of writing.

The only thing I caught was in the beginning you had 'Hopping' did you mean his parents were 'Hooked' on the meth?

OVer all this was very good for a prologue and it has drawn me in. Great job!

Momo author of My Queen - Pay it forward the roadhouse
cityflux chapter 2 . 6/18/2009
Hey there.

I like action/adventure stories and that's mainly the reason why I sort of like your story, but I don't read many 'script' format stories often. Also, I disliked the neglect of punctuation because I'm a full-out grammar Nazi.

I'm pretty sure that can be rectified in the future, though.

So far the story's pretty interesting but if you could, a novel version would be great. It reminds me of the spy movies like in James Bond et c.

ArekuKawaii chapter 1 . 6/15/2009
I would like to see you improve your diction becuase this was a little lacking in that department. It seemed a little too simple a read for me. (No offense just critisism)

This does however seem like an interesting story from the beginning. It is a good opening to draw the reader in.

Also, you may want to use more paragraphs.
J. D. Bennett chapter 4 . 6/15/2009
I think this is really cool, I love the play format, it's very unique to what I usually read.

In the prologue, the whole "half dead" thing made me think of The Princess Bride. I thought it was funny haha.

Anyway, great work!
The Tragedian chapter 1 . 6/15/2009
This is a good start. You introduced the character well with details. But I wanted a bit more than what was provided. Try to lengthen the chapters. You'll be more informative and things will not be as rushed.

Fop Huntress from the Roadhouse