Reviews for Changehood
Sea Turtles chapter 14 . 12/22/2009
Poor Riley :'-( . Also, what Patrick did was totally unexpected. He shared so much! I think I understand Sarella a bit more because of this chapter. I'm finding that I'm actually looking forward to seeing Patrick talk.

"Is running away from your sister’s funeral making you feel better?”

Totally fitting for Patrick's character. Well done :-) .

Suggestion(s):

- Suddenly, the three he was standing next to morphed, taking a human shape. (Suddenly, the tree...)

- I didn’t even know him so well since he was on missions all the time. (I didn't even know him that well...)

- If it happened then it happened and there would be no reason to fight against anything else. (I don't think I catch the full effect of this sentence. Were you saying something like there would be no reason to fight fate or something? Upon my first glance, it looked like you were saying that Patrick has every reason to fight the chance to speak to Riley again. The whole "no reason to fight against anything else" gets me.)

I wonder under what circumstances they'll meet the next time. Hopefully, it won't be another death...
Sea Turtles chapter 13 . 12/22/2009
Aha! So he has picked a best friend :-) . That's great. Sarella seemed to take it well, although, when he told her that he never said that Anne was his best friend, that might have sparked some hope in her to be able to take that spot.

Suggestion(s):

- Every September, the students would receive a personalized letter detailing their strengths and weaknesses, advising them to practice for when they started again in January. (...for when they start again...)

- Patrick watched the exchange and decided not to comment on the matter out respect for their lesser skills. (...out of respect for...)

I think it would be neat if Patrick had another ability. I know that he tried practicing with Anne's family, but I guess that didn't work out. He can't really devote a lot of time to exploring different abilities anymore, can he? After all, he has to work hard to keep his throne ;-) !
Sea Turtles chapter 12 . 12/21/2009
I'm glad we get to learn more about Riley and the Fourth Level Squad :-) .

Suggestion(s):

- He wasn’t a terribly well proportioned young boy, though he was still young enough to grow into his big teeth and hands. (...a terribly well-proportioned young boy...)

- “Is that why Daniel, Ross and Owen aren’t coming along?” Riley said. (...Riley asked.)

On to the next chapter!
Sea Turtles chapter 11 . 12/21/2009
I'm glad to see that Patrick is fitting in so well :-) . He seems to be less awkward than previous chapters. This shows growth. Excellent!

Suggestion(s):

- They were apprehensive about this new student and teachers were generally concerned if that student would be able to intermingle with the reset. (...with the rest.)

- Shaun Hardlen happened to still be alive (lucky him) and just at the perfect age to take over. (Shaun Hardlen managed to stay alive and was just at the perfect age to take over.)

- Even though he was so young, he had taken on the role of being the man of the house, and his mother gracefully and happily allowed him to have most of control over what happened. (...most of the control...)

- Whenever he felt overwhelmed, his mother would sweep in and relieve him of his duties, almost as if she had planned it that way, and she loved to take care of him. (...planned it that way. She loved to...)

- It was better to have a half day anyway because all they were going to do was discuss the year and perhaps meet this new student if he really was going to be part of their class. (...half-day...)

I am interested in seeing what Ronin can do :-D .
moi chapter 24 . 12/21/2009
I can't get over how good this fic is!
gopie chapter 28 . 12/20/2009
I like the fact that patrick feels he can go to anne's father for that, albeit reluctantly

i wonder if patrick's going to do anything about that vision, or at least become more aware of events..
Sea Turtles chapter 10 . 12/20/2009
Yay for reconciliation! This short chapter was necessary.

Suggestion(s):

- His clothes lie at the foot of the bed and, when he touched them, they were warm. (His clothes lay at the foot of the bed...)

I'm glad that Patrick isn't planning on leaving his mom. I wonder if he's still upset with her even though he's forgiven her.
Sea Turtles chapter 9 . 12/20/2009
Wow, such intense moments! I love how you take your readers for a ride. It's like, we don't get a chance to catch our breaths. I love it! It's awesome how Patrick is finally able to just let it all out and let it all go.

I am wondering what his mother will do now. She has gone through some unimaginable times. I really feel for her.

I don't know why, but this amused me a lot:

“I was with him when he died.”

“Then it’s your fault.”

“An unkind assumption.”

I just had to laugh :-D . Also, you had so many amazingly powerful moments in this chapter. I thought that these few were fantastic:

- “You should have just told me!”

- “I don’t know what you want from me!” (Yes! Tell her how you feel instead of internalizing it! How many years have you been wanting to tell her that? Great foreshadowing in the previous chapter with the smoking, btw.)

- “I want you to feel, Patrick!” she said desperately. (Whoa! Intense! Yay for communication!)

- “I feel! Just not what you want me to feel!” (That's powerful. It's my favorite quote from this chapter.)

- “I think most people mistake your silence for indifference, Patrick,” (reminds me of a certain roommate ;-) . Well put, Sarella! You are wise beyond your years :-D !)

Suggestion(s):

- For a moment, he lied there in horror, unable to contemplate the reason for their presence. (...he lay there in horror...)

- So, as you can see, our reasoning of coming to you is dire for our lives, though we know you focus your time on other things. (...dire for our lives because we know you...)

- Patrick hugged the pillow and finally, in that moment of realization, all of his anger and hate poured out of him in the form of tears and grief for all he had done but, mostly for all the things he hadn’t done. (...he had done, but mostly for all the things he hadn't done.)

- He sobbed like his mother had, and Sarella hugged him tighter but did not say anything as he curled himself into a position so tiny that he felt he could fit right back into his mother’s womb and wished he could stay there for the rest of his life, being quiet and solitary and unfeeling. (He sobbed like his mother had. Sarella hugged him tighter but did not say anything as he curled himself into a position so tiny that he felt he could fit right back into his mother's womb, and he wished that he could stay there for the rest of his life, being quiet and solitary and unfeeling.)

This has been my favorite chapter so far :-) . I want to correct one of my mistakes in a prior review. I think I tried to suggest that you use "layed" instead of "lied" in chapter one. This is a misspelling and does not exist. "Lay" is the past tense of "lie" (i.e. to lie down) and "laid" (i.e. he laid the book down) is the past tense of "lay." I'm sorry for any confusion I may have caused! I love reading your work :-D !
papaparazzi chapter 28 . 12/20/2009
i thought: hey this will be an easy chapter; short and about learning to shave.

but no!

that's heavy.

and like OW is right for alexander!

this chapter is only happening the next day? did alexander die?
gopie chapter 27 . 12/19/2009
This chapter was intense

I feel sorry for Alexander, that must've been *ouch*
McFisticuffs chapter 26 . 12/18/2009
YA! Patrickhero AND stud. I'd do him and I'm a guy.

...kinda agree with fellow reviewer "papaparazzi" on this one tho...Riley's the one for patrick, not anne. Though Anne does seem sweet.
Sea Turtles chapter 8 . 12/18/2009
Good chapter. Patrick has an extra-curricular activity and is becoming friends with more than just Sarella. Poor Sarella though. I guess this is the first time she's experienced envy in the story. I look forward to reading the next chapter.

Suggestion(s):

- She already turned his back to him and had started to run off before he could even begin to wave. (She already turned her back...)

- Patrick almost found it a little funny that both Sarella and Anne had run away from him within a five minute period of time. (...within a five-minute period...)
gopie chapter 26 . 12/17/2009
It's very interesting, how he affects these different girls in his life, and how he's sort of single-minded (i don't know if that's the right word) in his feelings
papaparazzi chapter 26 . 12/17/2009
YES! i thought they were already a couple basically!

but i guess now their official.

i still want riley&patrick tho.

i think patrick is a really great character...and you do really good with making your minor characters really intersting too...

their not 2D, they actually kind of have personalities.

i like blake? blake&apple ftw.
Sea Turtles chapter 7 . 12/16/2009
How very exciting! Learning another family's abilities would be cool. I wonder how Patrick will go about doing that.

Suggestion(s):

- Patrick thought it would be very intensive, but he was unsure whether he was disappointed or glad that it was mostly just simple schooling. (redundant: ...mostly simple... - or - ...just simple... If they do anything other than simple schooling, use the former, otherwise use the latter.)

I wonder if they will explain why they think Patrick's family's ability is so great. I think Patrick doesn't view it as particularly useful because he doesn't see his father as useful. Also, it can be difficult to see the value of one's own abilities. I bet Anne probably doesn't think her ability is all that great either. It doesn't seem like any of the other students paid her any attention. Interesting chapter.
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