Reviews for Such a World, Here
dragonflydreamer chapter 4 . 8/9/2009
['Paint me now, remember me this way'] Beautiful image and interesting sentiment.

[A hill of tall grass reaching high,

Enough for nations to live by.] Definitely my favorite lines.

Beautiful piece as a whole. It feels so natural and free. Just a few points of concrit:

I in the third stanza, the switch in rhyme was awkward. In all the other stanzas, the rhyme was consistant.

[As bugs, birds, bees, make distant midair dances] The rhythm in this felt off. I think it would be smoother if you took out either "distant" or "midair."

Sparkles from the Review Marathon (link in profile)
dragonflydreamer chapter 3 . 8/9/2009
I like the placement of "release" at the end. It feels so free and natural-a great mood to end on.

I don't particularly like the wording of the first stanza, though. It seems more complicated than it needs to be, which gave this piece a rought start.

Sparkles from the Review Marathon (link in profile)
dragonflydreamer chapter 2 . 8/9/2009
I like how you never mention what "this place" is. It leaves some ambiguity to the piece and lets the reader really think about the meaning.

I also like the second stanza. It makes the speaker's notion of faith seem so pure, like they're embracing it because they want to and not because of some obligation or need to.
dragonflydreamer chapter 1 . 8/9/2009
I love the rhyme scheme in this. It's different from the ones I usually see.

[I look around/And see no trace/Of its infinitesimal smile-] Great lines. The personification is lovely, and the words just seem to fit together so naturally.

Sparkles from the Review Marathon (link in profile)