|Reviews for Room 475|
| safetyscissors chapter 5 . 7/3/2009
yeah! That was awesome! I love the dreaded father/date talk! It's so funny! So I saw no mistakes but who can concentrate on that? lol. I can't wait for the next chappie! Happy 4th to you too!
Oh and One ?. Why is her family so mean? It's seems horrible that they would go off to germany and leave they 'daughter' in the hospital!
| Wish to write chapter 5 . 7/3/2009
it's good and it's not to short.
Rebecka's father seems much more likably than her mother.
anyway's look forward to the next chapter.
Cya for now.
| Isa B chapter 5 . 7/3/2009
And then she did a spit take!
How can the dad be so sweet, but then leave her alone and ask such a rude question?
What does Becka mean 'her scene'? You talking 'bout her getup or the restaraunt?
Oh, and WHY IS SHE GOING TO DIE? It's okay, you can tell me, I can a)keep a secret, and b)it's not going to ruin the story for me. Please?
Hey, that last little section about prince charming, while it did make a nice cliff-hanger and it is a good conclusion for the chapter (because it tied to the intro), didn't really flow after the dinner. I would elaborate on what happens at the dinner and then, instead of the little liney thingy, say something like, "In a strange kind of way it was perfect. My prince charming was..." and then I guess you know the rest.
| J.E.Wyatt chapter 2 . 7/2/2009
Great opening sentences for a prologue. It sparked my curiosity and made me want to read on. For now, I only managed to read the first two chapters and decided to give you my input about it.
About your prologue, I’m a bit iffy about your bolded sentences. I’m not too sure what the purpose of this is.
I noticed that a lot of your numbers aren’t switched to written numbers. For example: “I got to dispenser number 13 when…” it should be “I got to dispenser number thirteen…”
Using “…” undermines your writing, such was the case in this example: “Then someone walked by again...the same someone, slower, and this time they casually peeked in.” I know that you’re using this dots to induce suspense in the reader, but it will be just as effective and a bit more literary if you just used periods. i.e., “Then someone walked by again. The same someone. Slower. And this time they casually peeked in.” It’s poor example, but my point is, don’t overuse the dots.
Now for your first chapter, it flowed very nicely and was easy for me the follow. I found nothing to point out save for your dialogue tags. You don’t always need to add a “she said” or “she asked” and so on. Oftentimes I already knew who the speaker was without the indication. Adding unnecessary tags undermines the writing.
Now, everything I pointed out were just little issues I had that you could easily fix or choose to ignore. You’re the writer! I can’t say much about the plot as young adult contemporary fiction isn’t my forte. But so far, so good. I like the mood you managed to set with your writing. So good job and keep up the great work!
| silver sky memories chapter 1 . 6/30/2009
well, i think the computer problem has been fixed, our moniter was being really weird and it would flash black like 5 times a second, but now we have a tv hooked up to the modem [i think thats what its called] and it seems to be working... even though it is really weird and everything is really big... anyhow,, i do actually like this story... im interested in reading more so im gonna read what is posted then try to write some of my own story... hopefully it'll turn out ok...
oh and saying i like turtles is an understatment i love 'em... i used to have a real one named crush but he died now i have one named Finn Noggin Dude...i just call him finn
~silver sky memories~
| AlreadyGone chapter 4 . 6/30/2009
"the MRI machine was like a claustrophobic's worst nightmare."
That was SO funny! It made me smile ]
This is really, really good and I think it's funny how she already filled up the notebook and she was on her second one. XD
| Jaden Ink chapter 4 . 6/29/2009
cancer or something?
| Wish to write chapter 4 . 6/29/2009
what I think? This story is so awesome it makes you want to keep reading put enough into it that makes the reader keep guessing. I really want to no what wrong with what she's written in her dairy.
and no i'm not just saying that I truly like this story. keep going great job.
| Koriat Cyredanthem chapter 4 . 6/29/2009
Wow, this was an excellent read - thank you for sharing. I loved the ending especially. I hope you write more!
| Autumn's Addiction chapter 4 . 6/29/2009
:O Oh my GOODNESS! Her mother is horrible! I wanted to punch her while reading this... but, you know, she's fictional and all :) And this chapter seriously made me sad. Is this going to be one of those stories where I'm going to cry? Because if so... I'm totally okay with that :). I really can't wait to read more.
| Autumn's Addiction chapter 3 . 6/29/2009
This is great! I really love your writing. I think this chapter is so cute- after all, I'm a sucker for these sorts of stories :)
| Autumn's Addiction chapter 2 . 6/29/2009
Aw, this chapter is so cute! I already love what's going on here. I should probably go and read more, huh?
| Autumn's Addiction chapter 1 . 6/29/2009
This is a great first chapter. I like how the point of views changed throughout it- it was kinda cool :). I think this will be a very interesting story to read.
| Grenna-Chae chapter 4 . 6/29/2009
| safteyscissors chapter 4 . 6/29/2009
Ahh! I'm so excited! I wish I had a seventh of your creativity!
alright down to business(again) I didn't see any misspelled words, and the punctuation was good. At first I didn't like your format, but now It's, like, growing on me! lol.
Thanks for a wonderful chappie, Darlin'!