Reviews for Maybe
Tawny OWl chapter 17 . 11/6/2009
I think I’d prefer the notes in the text in bold. I got a bit confused in the Homecoming 10 bit. Does the paper on the wall where people doodle say homecoming 10? Or did Bryant put the note up on the board after he got it? I also got a bit confused about the order of the notes. Did the ‘don’t assume’ one come before or after the ‘you don’t know me’ one?

And was the dance they were at actually the homecoming? It could just be because it’s early here but it seemed to come round very quick.

I like the idea that you feel like a person isn’t really real sometimes, and that if you watch them but don’t really interact with them you make up this picture of them in your head which doesn’t necessarily relate to who you are. That’s something I can identify with. The boys watching the clouds was very nostalgic as well. It made me want to be a kid again.

And Rick sort of puts himself out there (go Rick) although he’s probably going to get his heart pulverised, but hey, it’s character building, right?

I have no idea what I’d say to Bryant’s question, but I know why she needs a nick name now. I’ll try and think of something insightful to say for the next question.

And you nearly have 500 reviews for 17 chapters. That's fantastic! Well done.
steffi chapter 1 . 11/6/2009
nope, don't believe in love at first sight. maybe, "OMG, he's so hot" at first sight.
pugnaciouspenguin chapter 17 . 11/4/2009
"You know what scares me? The fact that you're not entirely real to me. I think... somewhere along the way, I had gotten too caught up in your smile, your eyes, your quirks. The way you draw. But maybe... you're just not that boy, you know? I've probably just built you up in my mind because I don't know you well enough to see all of your flaws- all the fissures and cracks and fine lines in the marble. And what scares me is that more than anything, you're an illusion to me.

I want to know you. I do. (I do.) But I might not like you anymore if I get to know who you are. If I get to see you up close. And I don't know why that bothers me at all- not liking you anymore, I mean- because I've always thought life's easier when you don't like anyone, because then you don't need to worry about heartbreak or loss or anything like that... but the thing is, there's going to be that feeling that you don't quite want to let go of because it's all at once painful and awful and wonderful and beautiful and irreplaceable, and sooner or later, we're (I'm) going to have to face reality, and I don't know if I want to."

-

Gold-en. Per-fect. Un-be-liev-able. Fan-tastic! That sums up exactly my point of view! Those lines are golden. Great. Job.

-Paris:)
SarcasmIsPoetry chapter 16 . 11/4/2009
This review if for Chap 17, haha.. i was in a hurry last time. My answer to Bryant's question would be... "Someone you ."
SarcasmIsPoetry chapter 17 . 11/4/2009
You know, it's funy 'coz I have this extra account on Yahoo Messenger and my username was 'secret survival'. Then I went to talk to my crushes and just told them that they know me and I'm someone close to them. Haha...everyone was talking about it. I don't know. It was for fun. Just wanna share it. :D
sophiesix chapter 17 . 11/3/2009
i'm with asianinvasion here - the note had nothing to do with asking him to the homecoming dance? then why did it have homecoming on it? i don't know Kanye, so i pretty lost there. But the notes in bold are good, it makes it clear that they are the, and you read them just how Bryant would.

i like teh part about not wanting to know more about him in case she lost the sparkly feelin she has for him now. That makes me think its more a crush though.

~sigh~ poor rick XD geez, does he ever have a good day?

for bryant, I'd put an anonymous email address on the note to let him get to know her before 'meeting' her, I think. and why does everyone assume the note writer is a girl? but if i were bryant i would have staked out teh messgae boxes to see who came to pick it up. a rotating roster with my friends or something ...m tricky though...

Oh! and i loved teh bit about loking at teh clouds, the grass and rock prints on teh palms and stuff, that was so awesome.
youwillneverguess chapter 17 . 11/3/2009
nice chapter. :)

no, i don't think you should show us what she writes to bryant through dialogue to her friends. i don't know, but i just think it sounds better if you leave it in a separate section like you did with the third note (the last bit). or weave it in somehow. that's just opinion. :P

i was reading, and i didn't think the kindergarten guy was bryant, but i thought maybe it might have been rick.

i only realised in somewhere ridiculously far into the story like chapter 14 that i didn't know the girl's name. haha. i actually thought i forgot it, and went through all the chapters trying to find her name! did you do that so the readers can relate better to her and imagine themselves in her place?

if i was her, i would give cryptic clues. not something generic like, "i have blonde hair", but like "you know exactly who i am but you haven't realised it yet".

haha.

really cleverly written.

maddie x
natmarie chapter 17 . 11/2/2009
I love how I didn't see the begining of this chapter coming...or the end for that matter. Genius. I'm glad Bryant is at least intrigued by the mysterious notes...I'm always fascinated with how such a little action/thing as notes can cause a stir and create drama. Oh high school.

The conversation with Rick is cute. I felt it was lacking something...but that something could be coming later. I guess it was the fact he wanted/expected to be asked by her and she kind of dodged the "we are friends" conversation mixed with the "I want to go with someone else" conversation. Or how she said she doesn't ask people, but is clearly asking Bryant...not that anyone really knows that. Nothing wrong with all that, just thought I would try to explain myself.

The little bit in italics has me wanting to know mroe about our MC's past...ps. did we ever find out her name? Did I just totally miss something?

Where are they dancing? The dance or at school or...I'm reading way to much into everything.

Can't wait until we get to the part where her online sotry becomes a part of the plot. :) I mean you still have the bits but it has kinda fallen on the back burner.

Great cliffhanger. The mix of dialogue about the notes and actual note bits Work nicesly (not too much of one or hte other) and babalnce out the IM conversations and other fragmented bits, while still flowing together if that makes sense. You could also have her overhear a conversation about the notes between him and his friends or otehr people in school so it's not always her and her friends? Maybe Rick would ask about them?

They are a little awkward but she seems like kind of an awkward person so it's all good? At least to me. I'll get back to you on her response. I dunno what I would say right now.
Imminent Paradox chapter 17 . 11/2/2009
Great chapter! :)

I really liked it, and now the whole "Homecoming 10" makes sense! But that explains why I had no idea what it meant at first XD I don't know that song.

Anyway, I think this is getting really cute, with the notes and stuff! I love it! But I also really understand her feeling about being afraid to really know him, because she built him up so much in her mind. I can relate to that.

And hm... how would I respond to Bryant's message? I guess it depends what mood I was in. I might just put my name, but probably not, because that'd be no fun :) I'd probably just describe myself in some indirect way that's hard to understand, because apparently, I'm not so bad at that.

Anyway, I can't wait till your next update!

~Maria
Broken-Angel-1994 chapter 17 . 11/2/2009
AW! Write more please! This is such a good story! I think that the bold print is good. It's not confusing to me. Hmm... If I were the girl, I would probably chicken out and say something like, "You'll figure it out." or something! IDK that sounds dumb. I wouldn't tell him who I was though.
A. Watts chapter 17 . 11/2/2009
Great chapter! Can't wait for more!

If I were her, I don't really know what I'd write. I mean, she could always write who she really is, but what if Bryant doesn't LIKE her?
Kiwi Mango chapter 1 . 11/1/2009
This story is so fantastic and I've only read a little bit. Thanks so much for writing it, it's so great
Cinnia Aine chapter 17 . 11/1/2009
Sorry, but I completely forgot to add something to my review! I don't know if this has been said in the book already and if I'm just not reading the story real closely, but what's the main character's name? It's sorta bugging me that I don't know.
Cinnia Aine chapter 17 . 11/1/2009
This chapter was interesting. It's the spot before the real drama happens, I think. I don't mind the notes being in bold. They're fine that way. If I were the girl, I would answer that question by saying something like, "Unavailable for comment" or "I am unable to answer that question." It's a confusing situation.
Star Dot Storm chapter 17 . 11/1/2009
Alright, so obviously there are a few choices here that I have derived from your chapter:

1. Bryant could possibly like her.

2. Girls could get (b)itchy (I don't like to cuss!) because they are scared of his response.

3. She is feeling a hint of self doubt about the whole thing, which is why she tells him she will stop if he says so.

My answer to your question would be to have her wait, even if only for one day, thinking through all the possible things she could say (or not say).

She could just put her name.

Maybe a riddle.

An inside joke that only he would understand.

And at the very end, write what you think she would say. She is your character.

I am reading a great book called How To Read Slowly for school. There is a piece in it that I just had to do for homework, and I feel compelled to write it here.

"Character alone is static, unrelated to destiny; it gives no indication of the success or failure of the qualities that make up the character."

A great question to ask yourself as the author is this: What does your character's ultimate fate in the story indicate about their relation to the theme or themes involved.

Step into your character's shoes: What would you tell him? What would you want her to say?

I hope some of this makes sense to you, and not only to me!

~Star
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