is this what you were telling to me to skip?

because if i would have skipped that and then read it later i would be upset

this was great! simply awesome

really i'm like woah and this is just the prologue

I just got done reading this story so far. Its really good! I really like it! I can't wait to find out the ways you get them to work on their feelings! I'm glad you make it so realistic, its actually really good. I hope you can continue again soon!

Wow, great prologue. Hooked me right from the start.

I might read and review the later chapters when I'm free.

Awesome start to a story, I've got nothing "constructive" to say which is probably more useful than "You're good"...so sorry!

:)

Short, seemingly meaningless, but good. Suggestions...hm, well I belive adding more to the conversation with Rick would add to the chapter. I can see how it matters, but it feels like it needs more to it.

Might I add, I ABSOLUTELY DETEST PROOFS. Worst part of eigth grade geometry. On that note, your proof about the boy and the girl seems to be missing something, perhaps make it longer, another statement and reason? And when the teacher says to be sure and consider everything I think she should add or alter her in mind proof. Just an idea, well a couple actually, but you get the point.

I'm not sure if it would fit with the main character's personality, but most teenage girls are very self conscious so perhaps add how she is worried that there is something wrong with her and that is why he's ignoring her. As I said I don't know about her personality fitting with it, but it seems to be common for teenage girls.

Alright that's about all the harsh I can handle giving for right now, I apologize for all that. Hope to read another chapter soon, even if it's not all that important seeming because even those chapters end up being important.

I don't have a problem with the length of the chapter at all. I can't tell you how many times this sort of thing happened to me during my foolish high school years :) Ha ha, kidding. I can't tell you how many times this still happens to me- I get my hopes up about a guy and think that there's something, and then he goes and proves how totally UNinterested he is in me by preferring to listen to music rather than talk with me! :) Again, I love the realism of your dialogue, and I think that the final lines are especially poignant. I'm really glad that you posted this chapter, even though you seem disappointed in it, because I've been waiting to keep reading this story! Definitely one of the best that I've been reading lately :)

This isn't the most eventful chapter, but it was me wondering why he won't talk to her, hardly look at her. I liked it, very charming. Please keep up the great work!

~Star Dot Storm

i don't have a daring thing i've ever done.

but at the beginning, i think posting my poetry on fictionpress was the most frightening. i would agonize over the wording, and when i finally published it, i would literally panic. i would have to turn off the computer to keep myself from deleting it right away, only to turn it back on fifteen minutes later to see if anybody had reviewed it.

yes, i know. i'm a timid little mouse.

i REALLY liked the style of this chapter, with the poetic parts tossed in together with humor. it was gorgeously done.

i wait for two steps to go by on the escalator to get on.

i don't know why. maybe it's an unaddressed lack of faith in modern technology?

i tend to immediately tell my friends the more superficial stuff, but i never tell them the stuff that keeps me awake at two in the morning, staring at the ceiling and wondering why things turned out the way they did. or, if i eventually tell them, i gloss over it. there's some things you can tell people, and there's some things you should always keep to yourself or people wouldn't be able to look at you in the same way ever again.

by the way, great chapter. i love that it doesn't follow the predictable plot line (really? who just wanders up to a stranger and starts conversing with them? i wouldn't be attracted to someone like that, just creeped out.)

you kept all those seemingly random moments interesting and intriguing.

I think what you need is an aim for each of your chapters. Think: what do you want to achieve for this chatper. A character's personality change? Or something plotwise? This way you prevent making 'filler chapters'.

Another suggestion is that you could look at each of your words and think if there is an alternative and BETTER word for it.

I find both work very well for me and good luck on re-writting!

Narq.

I actually liked this chapter a lot more than your others, except I think the IM convo could have been left out. you've kept my attention even though nothing much really HAPPENS, and the whole thing has more of the feeling of the prologue/first chapter that I enjoyed so much. Keep up the good work...)

Silly girl! Don't be chasing your readers away because you think they won't like the next few chapters! They're here for a reason-because this story is WONDERFUL! I don't have much to say, but you're being very consistent in the voice and style, so that's really good. Dumb boy that won't talk to her. That's so obnoxious when it happens-catch the kid staring sometimes, you decide to talk, but he won't answer. What the heck are you supposed to do about that? LOL.

I'm back from my trip, so if you still want me to look over your stuff, I'd love to do that!

M...I think I'm gonna stick with ya. You're making the story more real life than others, where they fall in love instantly, and you aren't doing that, and it's different and I like it. So update soon!

Hi! I really liked your story a lot, and please don't apologize for them. I couldn't stop reading until the end, and was sad when there were no more chapters left. There is no way I would want to skip some of your chapters. Please keep writing! )

i'll stick to it. ha, really? how could i ever ignore this story? i'm so hooked. :)

i love reading reality. i like how you don't go immediately to the romance. how you stray from the common cliche storyline...aka, the falling-in-love-because-they-had-to-do-a-project-together one. i used that one.

...then deleted it.

haha.

okay, second point. the 'im convo'. with rick and the main character. it really shows in a unique way just how confused she is about the entire situation through her awkwardness. and it's maybe showing some insight to when...the one friend (headdeask. i'm horrible with names!) was talking about giving make-up a try.

the sentence after that, by the way, was gold. it really gets you thinking, with sentences like that. i especially like, for some reason, the way you used 'brown eyed boy'. :)

good luck with the next few chapters. i'll be looking forward to them.

always,

rrbow

Why are you apologising? you are doing awesome stuff and being true to what you want to do. no need to apologise for that, surely? maybe i'm just anti social. maybe nice people apologise a hell of a lot more than i do :)

I'm getting confused again. is rick the basketball guy? is bryant the guy that changed seats? why is he being so ngh? i think i need more character development to get everyone straight in my head. ;)

i really love how realistic this scene is, the geometry bit particularly. not sure how else to say that. i could say it again, for emphasis, but i'll trust you got it teh first time ;)

i love reading your reviews - stories from the front line of love lol.

are the simple pleasures really the most desirable? to be able to fully deeply apreciate the simple pleasures is most desirable.