|Reviews for Maybe|
| natmarie chapter 1 . 7/14/2009
Wow. You had me roped in at the first words. I love all the description that you use in this. Almost makes it feel like one big poem and I find myself able to not only picture the characters and events but longing to find out more about them, which is rare for some of the two-dimentional characters that grace this site. Your idea of a girl posting a story on here is very original, I'm actually suprised no one has done it before...or at least wished something they wrote here would fall under the eyes of a certain someone.
Oh yeah, thanks for the kind review...on I press to chapter two. The verdict is still out if I believe in love at first sight.
| koerle chapter 2 . 7/14/2009
Okay, so now I know there is going to be (at least) a first person view. Is the story view from the prologue comming back? I'd like that!
I'm thinking about a couple of ways you could make your story better. At least I would think that would make a story better. Use my ideas, or discard them, it's all up to you. I am not an expert, I just know what I like and I don't mind sharing my opinions... ;)
A conversation is a good way to get a story going and to get your point across fast. But there is also the risk of being a tad chaotic. I'm not saying that's the case here. But I often get confused when a story consists for a large part of conversation. What really helps are descriptive parts (or sentences) in between the conversation.
Dress up a scene. Tell us where they are instead of let us guess by adding hints like "glancing at the clock, a canvas, paints, a palette, and notebook crammed awkwardly in my arms".
The chemistry between the "hero" and "heroin" is very cute. It reminds me of puppy love. It reminds me of pre school... ;)
I'd like to see where it leads.
Is it better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all?
A couple of years ago I would have said yes, without a second thought. But now I'm not sure. Actually I'm torn. I do believe in the signifiicance of love, but losing it can be extremely painful. An the funny thing is that I am not even thinking about a romantic love now.
I did lose a lover, but that never affected me much. bacause by the time it was over I was completely finished witth it. I was never surprised by the loss.
I did lose a loved one however and thathas shaken the core of my very being. It made me question the reason I am alive and it made my desire to continue fade away. With time I have started to pick up the pieces of me. But a mended heart is different than a whole one. I could have done without that loss.
Then again, without the love that caused me to feel this great loss I would have been a different person. A "smaller" one I think.
| koerle chapter 1 . 7/14/2009
You said it didn't feel like a fair favor to ask for me to R&R, because I don't have any stories up for me to
review and that you're taking advantage of my words. But you forget that a review is just a thank-you for a story. It's a thank you for a good read. It's the only thing I can do to say thank you for putting in the effort to writing this.
To make a long story short: of courss I will. :)
I really like the prologue to this story. It invites to read more. It makes me want to know what happens to this boy and girl.
Is this going to be a "3rd person" story? Or a first person stroy? Somehow I like the combination you've showed in the prologue.
Do I believe in love at first sight?
No. I don't.
I think love is not something that is instant. It's not a feeling that is just there. Love is a feeling that needs development.
I do believe in LUST at first sight.
Wait a minute. I just thought of a case of love at first sight that I didn't think of before. But it is a situation that you didn't intend to discuss with your question.
I do believe that when you become a parent you feel instant love for your kid. ;)
| All Over You chapter 4 . 7/14/2009
I'm not too daring of a person. I think the most daring thing I've ever done is throw a party at my house. Or take a road trip by myself. OR tell someone I liked them.
Oh, and I'm pretty sure our MC likes Bryant and vice versa. And Nicole likes Steven too. They're all in denial ;]
| Irish Eyes 63 chapter 4 . 7/14/2009
I liked this chapter, it gave people something to think about and created something...almost like a connection with the characters.
The most daring thing I have ever done is probably go on a rollercoaster, something that I ansoluetly hate and am petrified of. It was racing and I actually tried to throw my arms up, but ended up puking. But in the end I did do something that I never would have done, I tried to prove myself wrong, and it worked in a way I haven't thought of before.
Question? Are the itallics Bryant's thoughts?
| Imminent Paradox chapter 4 . 7/14/2009
Ooh, nice chapter! I really like your writing style- its different, yet still fluent and, in some parts, quite poetic. It's very nice. And I really want to know who Rick is now!
Most daring thing... uhm... I'm going to have to pass on this one :) (I'd rather not talk about it XD)
Anyway, another great chapter! Can't wait till the next update! :)
| LittleMissProcrastinator chapter 3 . 7/13/2009
Consider this a review for chapters 2 and 3, 'cause I'm a little bit lazy.
Love love love chapter two. Nice dialogue between the main character and her friends. The nickname ferret reminded me of Draco Malfoy, haha. Dunno if that was intentional. You did the whole awkward meeting situation scene without making it too cliche.
"You weren't supposed to see me in violent ninja mode." Very funny.
I'd say that it's better to have loved and lost; then again I don't have much personal experience with that. But never being in love sounds pretty bleak.
Technically, chapter three felt a little choppy. The message part at the beginning ran a little too long for my taste, and the last little scene, while meaningful ("because in the end, we're all still (too) human), felt out of place with the previous part. But maybe you're going for something more stream-of-consciousness and less linear.
Bryant is the kid's name, eh? ;D I like him already.
Great work so far. Update soon-ish plz?
| Aqua-eagle Sunshine chapter 1 . 7/13/2009
Do you believe in love at first sight?
I don't think so...and nothing has proved me otherwise yet...maybe i beleive in a connection or something of that sort.
I really got into the first part and it was written really well, like you has taken your time to choose the right words to use. I was dissapointed slightly when i got to the bottom because i wanted to read more. However the person writing's predicament is really relateble, because who doesn't wish for their own stories when they're writing or reading someone elses. Right from the prologue you give the idea that this story is going to different and not like all the others out there, which is brilliant.
| JamieBell chapter 3 . 7/12/2009
Not gonna lie, I'm bad at predictions. I get surprised really easily (I think it's cos I'm super gullible).
I've noticed that a lot of reviewers weren't fans of the IM/text messaging at the beginning, but I thought it was interesting. We still don't know the protagonist's name, but we're slowly gaining perspective on her personality. She's revealed to the readers that she's a bit realistic and pessimistic, but not only does she say it verbally, but it's also apparent in her writing. Shina makes use of abbreviations, acronyms, and emoticons. The lead, though she forgoes capitalization in her writing, spells words out completely, and punctuates correctly. Their typing styles reflect their personalities: The lead, a slightly pessimistic realist, seems concerned with the logistics and technicalities of writing, while Shina chooses to ignore them, mirroring her more hopeful and optimistic attitude. I found that fascinating.
I had a hard time dissecting the little "confession" section, but here's my take on it: She likes to be hopeful, but doesn't want to come off looking naive, so she puts up this front of indifference and, sometimes, pessimism. It's almost as though...like, by "consciously try[ing] to be pessimistic," she's forcibly creating a reality, just so she can be as secretly hopeful as she likes. Did I read that right? You'll have to set me straight on that one. :)
"...Steven suddenly whips around and pistol fingers." I get what he's doing, but the wording is awkward; you might want to revise that.
I like Nicole and Steven. I won't pretend I know what their role in this story will be, but I think there's a bit of interest in Steven on Nicole's part. And I loved the "structurally streamlined" part. Very, very funny! But that's why cars are shaped that way-to appeal to the typical male. Also, nice work on the last section. ;-) The "all still (too) human" comment is a bitter truth. Too many are too human to be kind and honest with one another because they are too self-conscious and aware of everyone else's opinion. A very nice way to sum up a piece of humanity.
So... deep denial or immediate confession? I'm assuming you're talking about love (if we're following the vein of previous questions. I tell my friends if I think someone is attractive, but I go into deep, deep, DEEP denial when I consider whether or not he could possibly think the same about me. I'm one of those girls with self-confidence issues. I'm better than I used to be, but sometimes, I'm so, SO shy and unsure of myself. (Try more often than not.)
Good chapter! :)
| sophiesix chapter 3 . 7/10/2009
Huh…sorry, what? I feel like I missed the question. In denial in general, or related to something specific? In the case of thinking someone might like me, I always fall into deep deep denial, because its safer that way (hee hee hee now I sound two faced). My personal philosophy I guess would be not to get hung up on a guy unless denial has been seriously tried and failed miserably. That way if your hearts going to get broken, at least its on someone half way decently worthwhile, that really made your heart thump for a while there. Anyway, worked for me :). But as to other things, like eating junk food until you hurt, of course I have to tell my friends immediately. Who wouldn’t want to share in my blissful gluttony and happy pain?
I like how the genre varies throughout this chapter, sometimes more successfully than others. But its the last section that works the best for me. I love it. I didn’t actually notice a lack of plot, I just thought it was flowing along nicely (its only chapter 2, after all). You don’t need much plot when you have beautiful writing :)
And, umm, who is Bryant? Sorry, as they say in cat land; I can’t brain today. I have the dumb.
| All Over You chapter 3 . 7/10/2009
loved this chapter :] and i love how you're staying true to reality, keep it up.
to answer your question, i'm in denial. like ALL THE TIME.
quirks: my itunes library has to be complete. i'm talking like all song titles, artists, albums, year, genre, etc. they even have to have the album cover.
i read the back of shampoo bottles every time i shower.
i also like to read the "uses" part on labels. such as deodorant, toothpaste, mouthwash, etc.
whenever someone sleeps over at my house i always give them my bed and i sleep on the floor. i find it comforting.
and one last thing that i can think of is when i text i have to spell every single word the right way and no abbreviations i.e. u, ttyl, da, wat, etc. the only one i allow myself to use is lol.
| Irish Eyes 63 chapter 3 . 7/10/2009
I don't get the point to this chapter, except if your only introducing the major ones. i do that al the time so that's actually a plus for you! I like the way you describe the girls at the end, it really makes me think. Your description is wonderful and I tend to go into denial first then tell my friends, I've never even condidered why? Well. Wonderful job with the chapter!
| WinMyHeart5444 chapter 3 . 7/10/2009
Hello! I loved this chapter! Haha, I love the main character's sarcasm when it came to acting "gangster" it made me laugh. I believe that Steven serves as the link between the main character and Bryant. Like a spy or something :) He can get then into secret meetings and act as a messenger. :) I know guys do that for their friends so, that would be pretty funny.
I tend to sink into deep denial. I don't get compliments or anything like that very often, so when I do, I don't really believe what other people are saying. It usually just seems the compliment is followed up by a "can I borrow your homework?" So I am in denial, all the time. :)
Some quirks that I have would definitely have to be that I like things in equal lines. I hate when things are randomly scattered, unless there is a pattern. For example picture frames. They need to be hung in a pattern or placed in a straight line. No ifs ands or buts. One more, is that whenever I run, and am going for a long one, I have to count to five over and over again. I don't know why, it's just something that I do subconsciously. It really sounds like I have OCD doesn't it? I don't though. Trust me, if anyone had the honor of seeing my room, they definitely wouldn't think that :)
I loved it so much! Update soon!
| circusbird chapter 3 . 7/10/2009
I don't really like the way you wrote to first section as an msn conversation, but that's just a personal opinion. Despite that, it was well written and interesting.
I know that there are only 2 chapters so far and that it's still the beginning of this story but I was wondering whether the fact that you haven't given us any solid information about your characters was intentional or not.
This chapter, again, was cute and you've described this Steven character so well that I already like him. I'm really enjoying those little things you write like the paragraph about the un-hot looking girls and the confession part. They're interesting, related to the story and gets you thinking.
On to your questions:
Denial! I'm always in total denial about even the slightest crush that I've never told any of my friends about them.
Idiosyncrasies? I don't think so. I guess it doesn't depend on me, but on how people see me.
Lol, I've just noticed that it takes me at least an hour to write a review for you. Anticipating your reply!
| Imminent Paradox chapter 3 . 7/9/2009
Ooh, very nice :) I liked the text messaging thing about the beginning. Honestly, I like a lot about this story altogether- its so realistic so far, I could see this happening to me or any one of my friends. I really like that about this :)
Hm... Honestly? I tend to sink into denial :). And one of my quirks? Hm... I have a lot, so it's hard :). One is that I never seem to pay attention to where I'm going, so I'll always walk into people or poles or walls... I just get distracted too easily :)
Anyway, great chapter! I can't wait to read more! :)