|Reviews for Beauty|
| thewhimsicalbard chapter 1 . 12/30/2009
AH! I found a really good one!
I feel like one of my friends from my school's writing club is describing the scene to me, and honestly, aren't you?
Great message, great ending. It's not what you have, it's what you think you don't.
| Erlkoenigin chapter 1 . 12/22/2009
Great, I really like this one! I hope "she" becomes healthy again. Then she can really enjoy life.
| a silenced revolution chapter 1 . 11/15/2009
a sad, poignant story.
in the end, after all her expensive and superficial desires, she just wants something so basic.
| simpleplan13 chapter 1 . 8/7/2009
Formatting-To make stanzas delete the space so it's one line. Then HOLD shift and hit enter. That should work
I liked the idea here, this need for beauty. It's explained well. I also like how you characterized the woman, she's not bitchy or snooby more pathetic, which is a nice change for a piece like this. That said, I didn't like the ending. Life being beautiful? I dunno it just didn't seem to fit with her personality...
PS Why no Review Marathon (link in my profile)?
| Louis Denair chapter 1 . 7/29/2009
Initially I was a bit skeptic but it kicked off and I was hooked onto the end. Wonderful- the repetitions of beautiful- you've made beauty so trivial a thing. You presented the living example of how capricious the notion of beauty is. The ending lines were absolutely perfect.
By the way- I see you are reading Atlas Shrugged. Hope you enjoy it. My favorite book ever, the most comprehensive philosophy ever created, too. ;)
| lymli chapter 1 . 7/21/2009
aw, the ending is sweet though it's kinda scary, anyway, it's a very interesting story.
| Said Author chapter 1 . 7/7/2009
Hey, I really liked this! The line "her nose was off center so she got it replaced" or something was awesome! Loved the repetition of 'because it was beautiful" too. The aftermath of being a in a hospital really brought her back to reality, huh?
Nice work, and good luck in the WCC. :}
| Duckies chapter 1 . 7/3/2009
I like the general concept of this poem; it was clever how at the start you wrote "fresh air was never good enough for her" and then towards the end you wrote "All she wanted was some air, some life." It kind of makes you think about how we never reallt appreciate anything until it's gone. I also liked the first line, which was really beautiful. The repitition of 'because it was beautiful" worked well, and set a really nice tone for the poem. I did think that having the first stanza so long felt a bit odd compared to the other two verses (i'm not really fussed about how many lines are in each stanza, I just have this thing with patterns :P) If you put a marker between "Because it was beautiful" and "Then all she wanted was the red porsche Boxter" I think it would flow better. Overall though, I really liked this, awesome work and good luck for WCC!
| Faithless Juliet chapter 1 . 7/1/2009
Have you tried hitting SHIFT and ENTER simultaneously while you go on to the next line? I had that same problem for the longest time, but that’s the only thing that worked with my computer.
I liked the overall theme of accepting what you have, and not taking it for granted. We can either hate our lives too much, or love it too much, we seldom notice it for what it is (mostly a bit of both) but I really enjoyed your conclusion. Your protagonist recognizes the power of their own life to fit within those confines. I really enjoyed it, keep up the good work.
| PookysRevenge chapter 1 . 7/1/2009
that's such a nice roundabout story of beauty and not taking things for granted, and i can really appreciate it for that!
| deefective chapter 1 . 7/1/2009
Hm, well on one hand I absolutely love the opening line. 'Fresh air was never good enough for her', just completely poetic. I get the concept that you were going for, a girl who just wanted "beautiful" things in life and then realizes that the most beautiful of all was life itself. But I'm not so hot on the way you presented it. I'm not sure but the beginning started out well but towards this line:
"Her nose was off center and she got a new one..."
the piece started to feel a bit...hollow, if you will. I'm not sure, but it sounded a tad cliche and not in sync with the beginning of the piece. And then the part about the accident was very cliche because it sounded so "never-saw-it-coming-but-really-you-did", if you get what I mean. But I liked the ending. It was simple yet sweet in a way. Anyways, other than that, nicely done. Good luck in the WCC!