Reviews for A Cappella
Grate Oracle Lewot chapter 1 . 7/8/2009
Hi Bizz.

I definitely like the idea, and I'm interested in seeing where you'll go with it. I also think that you did a good job of capturing the fluid nature of dreams; I guess I can't say for sure whether it's an easy or a difficult thing to do, because it depends on a lot of things, but you did well . . . Rapid changes in setting, clothing and characters-I loved the way the silver guy talked, by the way. And keep up the use of musical terminology to describe non-musical things-I suppose that's obvious. Oh, and along with capturing dreaminess, you were also pretty good at showing that just-woke-up kind of crankiness. You just want to go back to sleep.

I don't know if I can correct your grammar without nitpicking at each example; I can't pinpoint a particular recurring flaw, but there are some bits which read rather awkwardly, though some which are quite well-woven. (I think you meant to say "fervently" at the end there rather than "fervidly" . . .) I guess there are a few instances where you could have revealed something more subtly rather than directly telling the reader, but I know how it is when you want to get a certain amount of information into a chapter . . . Trying to imply something important through dialogue can sometimes force you to make the dialogue awkward . . . Anyway, you might also want to use a few more commas. Not too many, of course-balance is the key. Oh, yeah, and I don't really know a whole lot about different types of tea, but I know that green tea is more of a class than a type, so it's possible that some of the other types that you listed are actually types of green tea-I don't know, though, and maybe you looked into that already. Also, I probably can't really pronounce the names of most of your characters, but that's my lookout.

Keep going! It'll be great.