Truly a work of art. And no, you shouldn't change it at all. It's beautiful the way it is. I think you would lose much of the emotion you are trying to convey if you cut some of it out. The whole piece just works. Magnificent.

~angry

I love this. This is truly a good poem.

I love how you convey the feelings of how it is to love someone and how it is to be willing to do anything for them.

Excellent work.

~Guy

I like it with the last part. Your poem's something that almost any teenage girl can relate to if they've had a really crappy boyfriend at one point or another. Its nice to hear that someone has problems like I do :D. I love the line "And I would pick up the pieces witha smile on my face". That is definitely something that I would do. Great poem!

well in my unprofessional opinion, i do believe it's just fine. i've been off the internet for so long, it's good to see some great writing!

It's funny how we can look back at old poems we have written and still apply them to our lives now. I do it all the time; I guess it's because the poems are still such an important part of us.

Anyway, this is a great poem. You conveyed your emotion well without overdoing it. You made it personal but still left it open enough for other people to connect to, and I think that's a wonderful quality in a poem.

Lovely job.

I'm definately feeling what you say! yeah, it's really powerful and makes me want to cry at some parts. sometimes I just want to scream at this person you're talking about! and that's saying something, cuz I don't even know them! "You could break me with the simplest of words" is a great line and very pretty. I personally think it could do without the 17th line "I don't think you do" but it sounds sad without it and mad with it, so whatever emotion you're going for, it works!

Really I think it'd be great either way. Happy summering!:) (yeah i know it sounds stupid, but i love it!)

Hi! This is maple the wacky tree. Remember me? I've switched over to this account for now. So if you're wondering where I've been, here I am!

No, I'm glad you continued the poem. Actually, I think I like the second part more than the first. But maybe it's because I can so easily identify with that feeling in the second part. Of being so completely under someone's control. I have someone in my life like that right now. But one day, he asked me out, but made it all like a joke, and I immediately refused. Because like you, I don't do things halfway. I only want it if it's true.

I'm so glad you left in the last part :) Actually, my favorite lines are "You could take my hopes and dreams/And shatter them/And I would pick up the pieces/With a smile on my face"

I don't know why I like those lines so much but I do :D

Great work!

I loved it the way it was :) I know what you mean by memorising it so then you CANT cut it. It doesnt work. So, I think it should stay this way. I really loved this. So much emotion into it, I can relate to an extent, and I hate those selfish kind of fickle people that dont take emotions into account.

Great poem :)