Reviews for Continuity
Ernest Bloom chapter 1 . 12/23/2009
well, technically a fine piece, well-written. my problem with it

is its cloying sentimentality. no matter that he genuinely loved

his daughter, if the soldier is thinking of her before rushing

into battle, then it's no surprise that he's going to be blown

away. similarly, this little girl is unlikely to not cry at the

funeral, or to lean down to whisper into her dead father's ear in

a casket. and if she still holds these same impressions by the

time of her wedding day, then it seems doubtful to me that she has

really matured into an adult at all. much more fantasy here than

a more authentic form of reality-based fiction.
Angel-Leigh Jones chapter 1 . 8/31/2009
Hiya

i loved it, sadly the time for voting has passed but i would've voted for you.

I loved how it flowed from young to old and ending in the dress ballowing out :)

A great piece of writing. Well done. How did you go for the voting - who won?

Angel
letyoursoultakeflight chapter 1 . 7/24/2009
This is so beautiful, I love it!
Mirabella chapter 1 . 7/14/2009
It nearly made me cry! It was so beautifully written, i loved it! I liked how you returned to a similar scene at the end. :) Well done!
Duckies chapter 1 . 7/11/2009
This was truly beautiful. You had me with tears in my eyes during the second and third paragraphs.

I really liked the way you tied into the prompt, it was really clever; all the comparisons to sand were incredibly effective.

The repitition of 'I love you' worked perfectly, it kept a consistent theme throughout the story, ended each paragraph nicely and wasn't overly flowery. The writing was simple, straight to the point, and straight to the heart.

You addressed some pretty serious issues such as war during this piece as well, without making it sound too...lesson-esque, for lack of a better word.

My only criticism is that the transition between the scene and the 'I Love You' in the second last scene felt a little bit abrupt - I got the sense that he had only just seen her, and yet he was already thinking/saying 'I love you.' It just felt a bit odd to me..

Anyway, apart from that, I absolutely loved it!

Awesome work, and good luck for WCC :)
Faithless Juliet chapter 1 . 7/3/2009
You draw parallel and conclusions throughout the sections; all referencing back to love, but I feel like they aren’t as cohesive as they could be. As is, they are just stepping stones, but there’s not much to bridge them together. I liked how you left the characters, for the most part, ambiguous. They love each other, and that’s a natural, organic, human condition that any reader can understand and appreciate. You don’t waste space with what color their eyes are, or what they had for lunch, you just stick to the meat of your idea. Keep up the good work.

Much love,

Juliet.
Steph chapter 1 . 7/3/2009
Oh honey...I'm completely blown away right now, sitting here on the couch with tears in my eyes.

That was indescribably beautiful.