|Reviews for Collaer the Nova|
| howdylv08 chapter 4 . 7/27/2009
Dood! So god! I didn't remember how much I loved this story cause I was on vacay for so long! Great job! I found one error:
-“There seems blood in the sand.” Add a 'to be' between 'seems' and 'blood'
Otherwise, it was AMAZING! I can't wait for Chapter 5!
| LotusGrave chapter 1 . 7/26/2009
Oh... my ... god. I bow down to this book. I have never seen such perfect writing in my life. I MUST read the next chapter. I cannot criticize this in anyway, this was purely stunning.
| R. Lauden chapter 2 . 7/19/2009
Dun-dun-DUH! This is a good chapter. I can tell you were definately absorbed while writing it. I am kind of confused as to how the prologue connects to the first chapter. Maybe you could give some time frame like... "ten days earlier" or "In the near future". Anything to give a reference point, I suppose.
I like this story. :D
| R. Lauden chapter 1 . 7/19/2009
I really enjoyed this. The scenery is vivid in my head. I love describing thunder storms! Aren't they so much fun?
The flow is awsome! The one thing I can pick on, however, is weak repetition. There are two types. Strong repetition reinforces an idea and adds emphasis. Weak repetition takes away from the story.
The weak sort is tricky to avoid because how many words are there for "roof". Am I right? Try "door". That is the one I have the worst time with. Anyway, BE creative. Judging by your writing, you have it in you.
Discard some of those "buildings" and "roof"s and this will be alright. I am excited to follow the adventures of Collaer. In New England, we would probably pronounce it Cull-Auh.
Haha. Thanks for your review, btw.
| C i t r i c AcidxX chapter 1 . 7/19/2009
RE: Prologue - Tethers
That was the best and by far the most intriguing prologue I've read on FictionPress. Bravo xD
Doesn't seem too ambiguous to me, but I go with the flow as you might say.
Anyways- So far you've captured my interest which is not normal. lol Your a very good writer, on top of that you have brilliant imagination.
I've only collected so much in the prologue I'm ecstatic to continue reading. I will continue to review through out the end. I really enjoy this.
| FaytSeeker chapter 5 . 7/16/2009
Horray, you update lol! At the same time as me. How could you leave it there like that lol? Well, it just made me anxious to read the next one. I'm sure that Collaer is going to do something big alright, so go Collaer! I like comedy there especially when the women couldn't look away lol.
| FaytSeeker chapter 4 . 7/15/2009
Wow! You updated! Awesome! Now this chapter is about Jack and Elias. Already, I like Jack. The pace of the story is still good even though the length is short. I know the next chapter will review more details of this evil cliffhanger you left. I'll wait for your next chapter with patience.
| FaytSeeker chapter 3 . 7/14/2009
O_O! Wow...once again, your details really shown well in this chapter especially the bloody explosion. I'm curious to see how this story will turn out. So update soon.
| FaytSeeker chapter 2 . 7/14/2009
So we now reached the origin of Collaer. I have no love for the impatient general, so I'm glad he's gone lol. So far, I don't know about Collaer's personality, so I can't say for sure if I like him or not but I already like him ever since he burned up that guy lol. Moving on to the next.
| FaytSeeker chapter 1 . 7/14/2009
I can only say...Wow...Your diction is truly impressive. I love your details of the roofs and the storm. It's really amazing! Those kind of details is what make the story really cool. The action scenes are also good too. I'm going to read the next chapter now.
| howdylv08 chapter 3 . 7/13/2009
Oh boy! You hold the suspense so well!(I just wish the chapters were longer) Scenes come in little tidbits and spread out information about his character and why those people are chasing him. I like the little girl's abilities. Scary, but cool. Looking forward to the next chapter!
| This Account Was Abandoned chapter 1 . 7/10/2009
Yes - it's not important. I was actually impressed by your balance between description and action - a lot of people (totally including myself) try to describe everything at the outset and make the narrative drag. This, however, was exciting and suspenseful. And yes, it is ambiguous, but in a way that makes you curious enough to turn the page and read on, so to speak.
Collaer is a cool name - how did you come up with it?
| howdylv08 chapter 2 . 7/4/2009
Yes, this was great! Great way to start an awesome series! With an awesome character! I noticed something:
-"Light began filled the chamber." How about 'Light began to fill the chamber.' Or 'Light filled the chamber.' something of the sort.
Otherwise, I loved it! Continue with this please!
| howdylv08 chapter 1 . 7/4/2009
Yay! I liked it. No need to worry if people will like it or not, your writing is fantastic! I hope you continue this. There's really no need to describe someone in the prologue. It's usually meant to just capture the attention of the reader. So keep up the good work!
| Smitasmittenshowbizkitten chapter 1 . 7/3/2009
Its good that the presentation is good (the number of fics I have read with spelling errors... *shudder*). I think it is a bit too short and too ambiguous to begin with. Its quite forgetable, because there really is no reassurance of where this story is going... I think you could have added just a tiny bit more to the characterisations rather than the environment and action, because it seems that the story is more about Collaer than the roofs... Anyway, I am really interested in what is going on, so I hope you continue writing this fic :D