Reviews for The new Sexy Vampire story in the making |
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![]() ![]() Plz update omg best story iv ever read |
![]() ![]() First of all the whole book or whatever it is, is terrible. the grammar is horrible, the story is all over the place, and basically it makes no sense. where's the background knowledge of the main character Katy or any other character such as Noah, or Jhimmy. Or why Katy sleeps with some random guy, only to sleep with his roommate; what kind of character is Katy suppose to be, and what is that telling the readers—that it's OK to sleep with some guy who just broke into your house only to make a decision of leaving you're house and life to go live with him, and to also fall in 'Love' with his roommate and sleep with him too? Yeah that might seem steamy and interesting but when you have the main characters in a love triangle or whatever, you just can't rush into the sex scenes and forget about how the characters led up to that point because it's fun to right a sex scene, no only girls with no morals do that. Next the grammar is just horrible; I got up to chapter 8 but I just couldn't keep on reading without stopping to correct the errors in my head. In order to keep the reader's attention the story has to flow. The concept of the story is good, but you rushed into things to fast for the story to make any sense. So the next time you think of writing make sure you actually know the characters you're writing about—Like why is Eric so nervous or why Katy seems like a Nymphomaniac: a person who is addicted to sex. |
![]() ![]() ![]() i like this story and all so no offence but i dont get some of the parts its like shes always on crack |
![]() ![]() ![]() This story is amazing! i can not wait to read the other chapters, please keep writing, and hope the update is so, keep it up. |
![]() ![]() ![]() Great chapter. I love the part when she get off; although, it was for the Lady Gaga Cds. hehe. |
![]() ![]() ![]() i really like this story so far, write more? |
![]() ![]() ![]() Well, this MIGHT be a good story but there are so many grammar, spelling and punctuation errors that I'm totally turned off. 1. You don't want 'there' but rather 'their' 2. "You could shot someone" should be 'shoot.' 3. "Truffles came sat" should be "Truffles came and sat" 4. "dancing around and Giggling" - why is there a capital in the middle of the sentence? 5. Tons of compound words split e.g "to night" is "tonight" 6. Run on sentences in the breakfast scene - too many "ands" 7. The list goes on and on Girl, get yourself a Beta if you want to post a story and be taken seriously as a writer. You have a great idea here, so give it the effort that it deserves. Not meaning to flame you but there are so many good ideas on this site that are just garbage because of the sloppy way people approach the craft of writing |
![]() ![]() ![]() Oh wow. Awesome evasion of the whole demon-thing there... |
![]() ![]() ![]() The story is very intresting I kind of liked it I can't wait to find out what happens. :) |
![]() ![]() ![]() Aww, how...sweet? Interesting chapter, can't wait to read more. |
![]() ![]() ![]() Great update. |
![]() ![]() ![]() O.O! CLIFFHANGER! XD |
![]() ![]() ![]() Whoa, she's turning into a demon! Awesome! I think. |
![]() ![]() ![]() I'm hoping you guys like it so far o3o |
![]() ![]() ![]() O.O! Demons too? Dude... |