|Reviews for teenage destruction|
| deefective chapter 1 . 11/15/2009
Hm, I wasn't really feeling the first and second stanzas. It seemed like you were trying to be poetic but it came across as spacey but not in a good way. I did like the words in parentheses but I do think you could've used that technique a bit better. As for the last stanza, I really liked that one. The wording was great and it flowed much better than the first two. I liked how the tone in that one was much more fitting and apparent. The use of parentheses in the first line was great as well. But I do think that this part:
, could've been better without the words "intense" and "cries". It would've have a much more powerful effect. But other than that, nicely done.
| Duckies chapter 1 . 8/9/2009
I like the bittersweet undertone to this, especially how you're stated that you feel almost, but not quite sorry for her.
I really love your descriptions, they carried some really intriguing images wth them, and your phrasing created a very interesting rhythm.
A few things I didn't like were your lack of capitalisation, but that's just because I'm a complete nit-pick about that, and the phrase: "(intenseohpleasehelpmecries)" which I just didn't think was really necessary, and a tad jarring to the rhythm of the poem because of the length. Maybe it's just me though ;)
I enjoyed reading about this - very meaningful, thought-provoking content, and I actually liked it enough to re-read a few times - it stayed with me :)
| DefineBeauty chapter 1 . 7/20/2009
i really like the words in parenthesis. they emphasize the speaker's feelings and let the reader know that she's almost sorry but she's not because the person she is speaking about is doing this to herself.
the only parenthesis i don't like is the last one. it's too run together and trying to seperate the words breaks the flow ofthe piece.
i love love love! these lines:
"the only things you swallow anymore are
lies, alcohol, & your mother's prescriptions."
they are my favorite. it's a great picture and metaphore of what's going on in this piece.
great job! ]
| Kate Marshall chapter 1 . 7/8/2009
I am a strong believer in single-spaces. :) It's sort of a preference thing, but I think single-spaces would make this look cleaner. Plus, you wouldn't have to use those dashes to get the stanzas you wanted. (Hold shift while pressing enter or backspace to single-space up or down.)
The emphasis on your 'almost feeling sorry for him' was wonderful. So often we can notice someone's problems or pain, but we really don't sympathize. It's very realistic in the sense that if something isn't our problem, we typically don't bother ourselves too much with it.
I loved the alliteration for "beautiful (broken) tragedy". It added a nice poetic feel to the rest of the poem. :)
The end I'm not sure about. "(intenseohpleasehelpmecries)" I really like the idea (I love when writers play with format; I think it's so creative), but it's a little too long. I almost didn't understand it. Maybe you could space something or just put it separate on the next line?
Anyway, I thoroughly enjoyed. I read some other pieces, and I like your work a lot. :D
-Peach. This is a Review Squader review for the Review Marathon! Congrats!
| ArekuKawaii chapter 1 . 7/6/2009
'(intenseohpleasehelpmecries) ' I really like that because in this line the meaning is hidden unless you separate the words and in real life this is what the help me cries are like.
This was an interesting poem in the way it was written because it is uniquely written for one, and its not a boring read.
One point, I didn't quite like the flow of this poem because occasionally it was broken.