Reviews for Smoking Down
DefineBeauty chapter 1 . 12/18/2009
this story really has a depressing feel to it, and i think that's what you were going for. all of the imagery, the dialouge, the rain. everything connected together as one to bring a strong sense of this emotion. you did a good job with that.

i really liked the words you used to express the feeling though. the imagery is beautiful. like the purple heart being a bruise for example, or wanting to be cancer and being inside his lungs. i really loved those. they were unique.

i don't really like the use of the "you" so often though. it gets very redundant and boring. i don't like the way it says "You said:" and "I said:" i think you could have found a better way to express that. but that's my only complaint.

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NC Greer chapter 1 . 8/3/2009
Great Story. You say alot with few words. One small thing though. In the begnning you say he is smoking the rest of the time you refer to the second charater as you. So maybe it should be you were smoking? At any rate, I liked it alot.
Katie Nicole chapter 1 . 7/28/2009
This is beautiful, so sad, elusive and descriptive.

I like the repetition of thoughts in conversation, from character to character - and I like that the reader isn't exactly sure what's going on, but is given a vague idea. I like that it's never said out loud.

I like the short, choppy dialogue, and the unspoken understanding between the characters.

I really like everything about this; it's wonderful.

*Katie
xenolith chapter 1 . 7/6/2009
Shesh this is beautiful. I am in love...
burning in effigy chapter 1 . 7/5/2009
ot's been ages since i reviewed anything on here, but this i couldn't resist with this.

love the way you wrote this. it has a detached feel but the narrator still manages to draw me in with this vulnerability. your descriptions are fantastic like "Outside the power lines are crying. They collect water like Christmas lights and when I focus too hard, the rain turns to static I’m watching white noise when you get up." and "It’s right in front of me and right behind a red-orange glow of caustic demise." truly beautiful even if the images are not.

there should be a period after static and before I'm: "... turns to static. I’m watching..." that's the only error i really noticed while reading your piece, but it doesn't detract from the overall read in this case.

the ending is also perfect and fits with the tone and mood of your story.