|Reviews for Infinity|
| Britwitch chapter 1 . 8/27/2010
I really liked that you were writing in second, it's not easy. But I thought it worked brilliantly with the subject material.
I also liked that you kept the story realistic enough for your reader to 'easily' put themselves into it, it wasn't too far fetched or beyond belief. Second person only really works if the reader believes/agrees with what they're reading...and I did!
Your descriptions were great and, I felt, in keeping with the whole seond person perspective. You gave enough information without drowning your reader, thus allowing them to fill in any gaps themselves and get drawn further in as a result.
I thought this line [The grass is not as vibrant as you first thought, but it will do.] was especially good. It captured that sense of disappointment we can feel when we revisit a place we've 'built up' in our memories only to find it's not as big/new/colourful etc. as we remember.
And as someone who lives in a country with a pretty long drawn-out winter I thought the opening was brilliant! You can really feel as if the season is endless when the world is devoid of colour and oh so very cold!
| Duckies chapter 1 . 7/11/2009
Okay, third time lucky! FP kept screwing up, so this is my third review written for this story xD
Normally I don't see much in 2nd person or present tense, so it was quite refreshing to read this - brave of you too, in my opinion :D Anyway, in all seriousness, the use of 2nd person narrative was actually really effective in this case; it made me feel more involved in the story, and portrayed the character's emptiness without sounding angsty.
I really liked the development of you character, the way they went from blank to full of life and then blank again. It was really clever that such a small thing as a ball could evoke such powerful emotions and memories in a person - kind of made me think about how often, it's the little things in life that really count.
The imagery and descriptions were really well done and effective. You had a good pace to this piece. Keep up the great writing and good luck for WCC :)
| Nicki BluIs chapter 1 . 7/11/2009
This was really good! I liked the color and warmth imagery. I even think the second person was used appropriately to underscore the emotions. Same with the present tense. Good job! Abd good luck with WCC!
| Isca chapter 1 . 7/9/2009
"The memory they called 'summer.'" This line is so crafty and profound. The word 'memory' suggests that summer is a thing of the past and may very well never be present again in the future-that's quite powerful!
"There hasn't been anything to be concerned about for years." Now that is very interesting. Does the speaker wish that life was more 'eventful' and 'exciting'? Does the speaker wish she could allow herself to 'feel alive' again? Either way, this line is both intriguing and thought-provoking.
The ending is quite powerful and raw. The speaker held happiness and innocence in her hand, if only for a brief moment, and even though she's bound to "slip into complete oblivion" again, in the back of her mind she'll know that she 'lived' again.
Keep up the great work. Good luck in the WCC this month. :)
| Faithless Juliet chapter 1 . 7/6/2009
There are a lot of really strong elements in your story. First and foremost, I loved the blasé tone of the narrator, and how they introduced color, sound, texture, and so on to the protagonist. It made me think that this person had been in a coma for sometime, or something where they forgot everything in the world and then suddenly with the sight of a red ball everything came creeping back to them. Although it wasn’t the little things in life that came back, it was the fundamental staples of childhood - another profound aspect of your creation that I enjoyed.
The very beginning few paragraphs, and the last few paragraphs were really, really well done, although I have to say that the middle dragged on just a bit. Some of your sentences in that section were slightly rambly and hard to follow. Overall I really enjoyed this, it’s short, and abstract, while also managing to be to the point (in a very matter-of-fact way) as well as being open ended enough for the reader to take away what they will from the piece. Keep up the good work.
| Amaury chapter 1 . 7/6/2009
I'm usually not a big fan of 2nd person, but this was really good.