|Reviews for The Twisted Path|
| anonymous chapter 18 . 1/29/2010
is there a sequel?
| FLIPPER66 chapter 1 . 9/15/2009
I'VE JUST STARTED THIS BUT I'VE ALREADY DOWNLOADED THE WHOLE STORY WILL GET BACK TO YOU WITH MY FINAL CONCLUSIONS LATTER SO FAR SO GOOD.
| harpoonedxwhale chapter 4 . 7/7/2009
That was absolutely wonderful, so far! :) I would definetly buy this if it were a book on the shelves.
Just some suggestions:
Perhaps not to mention stuff during the course of the story that the characters themselves don't know. I'm sure plenty of authors do that, but to me it just seems out of context and odd.
Also, maybe put something like a dash or something to let the readers know you're changing perspective from one group of characters to the others? I got confused at least two times because of that and seeing as how the story's going.. I imagine there will be more switching back and forth and more confusion.
I've put this story on my alert list and look forward to more chapters. :)
| harpoonedxwhale chapter 1 . 7/7/2009
I'm not done reading the first chapter, but I had to mention this simply because it's bothering me and I might forget it by the time I'm done reading. It appears as though you changed your mind at some point and instead of having a bus driver, you just made Kevin the driver. Well, you didn't completely change it. In the beginning, you flubbed up twice:
"giving him a vaguely angelic look to one person who secretly watched him from behind. Kevin Clarke was the second-oldest out of his group of friends" - If he's the driver, how is he secretly watching the driver from behind?
"The sky continued to darken until the Kevin had to switch on the dim headlights" The word 'the' gave it away that you switched it around. You just forgot to delete it when it was previously 'the driver'. Now it's 'the Kevin' lol
Not to sound over critical or anything, but I'm sure I'm not the only one who will notice this. Just thought I'd mention it. And anyway, good story so far. I clicked it, decided to give it a chance since it had no reviews. :)