|Reviews for Eternity|
| tonight we bloom chapter 1 . 9/7/2009
I read what you wrote in your summary, and I think there is something off about it, too, but it definitely is still a beautiful poem. I think the first stanza is beautiful, with the tone and the sweet words. But the second stanza just seems like a completely different poem, maybe I'm interpreting or misunderstanding the purpose behind the poem, but that's how I feel. The tone completely switches too, you go from using delicate words and description to a blunt phrase of "Your pillowbook has a new page." Don't get me wrong, that definitely works, but then you go on to say "I'm honored" and I think that's where it gets jumbled. It could also be the length of the poem, is there more that needs to be said? Think about maybe extending it to make the transition more clear.
| with eyes looking up chapter 1 . 8/23/2009
to keep up with the seriousness of the poem, you could possibly reword "i'm honored"?
i liked it, though. i really like, "your pillowbook has a new page". like, a lot.
| Keree chapter 1 . 8/7/2009
I can see why...
| fatbird33 chapter 1 . 8/7/2009
hello again. the poem had a weird sort of voice to it. it was sweet and then in the end it was kind of sarcastic. i actually found that good and interesting. i really liked the last two lines it added a lot of character. Maybe between the third and fourth stanzas you could add a ;. It might make it flow better.
i shall remind you again of the review marathon,you now you want to join the caraziness!
| RACHEAL TAYLOR chapter 1 . 7/28/2009
SIMPLY BEAUTIFUL...just enough to make you think without going over the top... i your imagination and use of words is amazing i love your writing
| Vancelle chapter 1 . 7/9/2009
Could it possibly be the shortness of it? I know it bothered me. x) After the first stanza I definitely wanted to read more. And the two lines after didn't exactly satisfy that desire.
| lokan chapter 1 . 7/8/2009
Ooh, I love this. I had to look up pillowbook (I don't get any, what can I say xDD), and now it's even clearer. xP I love this, like I said. Great work!
| 403 Forbidden chapter 1 . 7/7/2009
Hmm...this is good; I like how you used metaphors. You did well making it simple, but fully expressing your idea.