|Reviews for Ever|
| vinny2 chapter 1 . 9/21/2009
While I did nopt find this one as interesting as the previous, you're consistently awesome when it come to imagery. At times I felt a little bored withthis story and if it had been anyone else I would have just skipped ahead and pretedned to read it, but you have a way with words that kept me hooked until the end.
As for the story, I found it sweet and touching, but a little bit boring.
| Greatheart chapter 1 . 8/11/2009
I liked this a lot. It was very sweet and simple. Some of the ideas were just the tiniest bit cliche, but maybe that just adds to it. You writing is very poetic in places.
I came here via the Review Exchange forum, fyi.
| tiger002 chapter 1 . 7/13/2009
After reading that, I must say, that is one of the most unique pieces I have ever seen. The way you symbolize so many things there is done well, and even if I can't see what it all means, it is done so well. Each scene conveys the simple yet human emotions that fill us. I couldn't really pick up on anything that you could do better, but I'm not used to reading such symbolic work.
| Duckies chapter 1 . 7/11/2009
I really like your style of writing, it was clear, consistent, and yet it still managed to subtly change to fit the tone of each new stage of life.
The way you managed to tie all the events in and convey the sense of so many things occuring or changing because of something as seemingly insignificant as a bead, was really clever and quite effective.
I really liked some of your wording, such as here: "Mike almost said no. Then he saw all the guys surrounding him. He wasn’t a wuss. And he almost said yes."
The repetition of the text in italics at the end worked really well too.
One thing I didn't particularily like was the ending - it felt a bit too cliched, and almost expected to me. Your writing kind of changed too, to a more abrupt and dramatic style, which felt rather jarring.
The only possible mistake I picked up on was the line:
"...and those people where weren’t exactly his friends..." - did you mean 'who' instead of 'where'?
In general though, I really liked your writing; good luck for the WCC! :)
| Kate Marshall chapter 1 . 7/10/2009
The progression of your writing style was a nice touch. Your word choices fit each stage of his life; I liked the fact you wrote each scene according to his approximate age. :)
While the story was touching, I didn't love the end. I think the dramatic end was a little over-done, a tad cheesy. What I mean is that it felt 'predictable'.
I did enjoy reading; thank you for sharing. :D
-Peach, RG easy fix review.
| Elementer chapter 1 . 7/9/2009
I liked this story. The conclusion was amazing. Your writing style is great, it seems that you have a knack for writing even though your member rank is a Camper.
Each section flowed well and the narration was top notch. However how you divided your sections was more annoying than confusing. I recommend that you use the line bar tool that FictionPress provides rather one period then two story could had been longer, I can't complain. I perfer quality over quanitya any day.
All in all an 8.9 out of 10.
| CAPS LOCK MAN chapter 1 . 7/9/2009
CAPS LOCK MAN IS PLEASED TO BE ABLE TO COME AND REVIEW THIS STORY! CAPS LOCK MAN HAS NOT REVIEWED A STORY FOR A LONG TIME!
CAPS LOCK MAN, IN TRUTH, HAS BEEN IN MOURNING FOR BILLY MAYS!
CAPS LOCK MAN LIKES THIS STORY, BECAUSE IT FOLLOWS A MAN'S WHOLE LIFE! CAPS LOCK MAN LIKES THE WAY THIS MAN HAS A LIFE HE THINKS IS AWESOME! CAPS LOCK MAN POINTS OUT THAT, OBVIOUSLY, THE MAN'S LIFE IS NOT AS AWESOME AS CAPS LOCK MAN'S LIFE!
CAPS LOCK MAN APPROVES!
| Faithless Juliet chapter 1 . 7/7/2009
I really like your conclusion that everything is connected - that the universe can explode or implode on itself, or a piece of sand and rock can rub away at a perfect glass beat, which when found will bring people together. It’s a very strong notion, enriched with the fundamentalisms of fate and destiny.
The only problem I had with your story is that I actually thought it could be longer. Because your sections don’t really flow together as one, a little more development and detail could have helped to cement each section together toward a greater whole. Keep up the good work.