|Reviews for Scrappy Was Here|
| MeAsIAm chapter 1 . 4/4/2010
The writing style and the concept were awesome. :)
I particularly liked the way Scrappy's personality built up. More description about him would have been nice. But then again, it would have to be perfectly balanced against the pace of the humor.
Grammatical mistakes. I won't go through the story to find them out and lay them here for you. But it should suffice to know that you have them. Maybe a beta will be a help.
The end part could have been more explicit. If you were eager to wrap the story up, cracking up yourself(I do that a lot. I usually write at night and then get happy with myself as I end the chapter) I suggest you reread it and try making it more dynamic, I guess.
That said, what remains is : A great read! :)
| InkedSoul chapter 1 . 4/4/2010
Wow this was a really good story! I really enjoyed reading it, it had suspense, humor, and wit. The idea of story is classic and very original, I really loved it. There were a few grammatical errors in the story and you could've added bit more description of the main characters appearance and who exactly the other three Scrappies were and what they looked like and their surroundings etc. etc. but besides that it was great. Very light hearted and humorous story, loved it! (:
| Ghosts chapter 1 . 4/2/2010
This was written to be a humor. I can not honestly say I laughed at any of it, but it still, for some reason, fits the genre. I find the smaller things the most intricate, especially in this story. The writing style was great, but you had a few problems:
grammatical errors everywhere, spelling errors here and there, and I think you should avoid parenthesis, because they are there for referencing and such, which sidetracks the reader, which you do not want. But that last one is just an opinion. Now, I'm no grammatical professor or anything, so I can't solve any of these problems, but I recommend you get a beta reader, and if you have one I recommend you get a new one, because the first one isn't doing a good job.
The writing style, like I said was great. I could envision the character and his smart ass personality, easily, thanks to the writing style and first person view. However, the dialogue wasn't very realistic, and neither were some of the things going on in the story as a whole. This is fiction, though, so it's fine if thats how you want it to stay...back to writing style. The way you kind of formatted this story, it was very cinematic. Like a highschool kids funny story type of movie that everyone will forget until it converts to hbo, and then forget again until it converts to tnt. Though, you talked to the audience and such, a bit more personification, which can either make you or break you.
and one other thing This is a oneshot, so I do understand, but it's a bit on the hefty side, and people may not want to read it. If you want more people to be attracted to your stories, in the future make them shorter. This could have been a whole multi chapter story in itself, really.
Sorry this seemed more like rambling than a review, hope it helps...
| Jordan Wolf chapter 1 . 7/9/2009
that was awesome! what a great concept!
| Telly K Netic chapter 1 . 7/8/2009
Very clever. I was laughing at many parts. And the twist at the end with the box mix-up was genius (I truly believed he was busted). I truly liked the 35 step plan - this guy understands that money is what matters in real life. Be practical, and everything else falls into place.
And it's true that Aisans always do have high GPAs.