|Reviews for The Bonny Ship|
| trustnme chapter 18 . 6/20/2010
Oh! EVIL cliffhanger! haha
THAT'S a very interesting way to end a book. And frustrating! Good thing you've already got some of your sequel already started. Heh.
Oh, and I'd like to point out to you since I forgot, for last chapter, you have a few grammatical mistakes that you might want to go over and fix. It's just missing letters to words and words you may have not have intended. :D
Here's my review for your entire story:
While "The Bonny Ship" was just 18 chapters, it was a wild wide through and through. It's really so hard to come across authors on this site who actually know what they are doing, and I'm just so glad I stumbled onto your story. It actually reminds me a lot like my own pirate series "The Pirate Legacy" in that we focus on details, rely heavily on research to be politically correct (haha), and know how to create deliciously stunning revelations/plot twists.
Though short, yours is truly wonderful. You've turned an already made up concept of a character (Shelley) and made him into your own that gives the character a whole new way of looking at him. I will never look at Captain Hook again without being reminded of Shelley. haha I really liked how you slowly unfolded the details/past about his character. It's so hard to introduce a character sometimes and finding the balance between what should be known right away to the reader and what should be slipped in throughout the story.
Eva was wonderful. Naive at times, but she provided a perfect vessel from which some of your explanations about nautical jargon could be slipped into. I think the only development I saw in her was that she came to not fear the pirates, but that may be what I can think of at the top of my head. More importantly, she helped us see in her point of view at times the dynamic between Shelley and Coulter and hopefully for some readers, helped understand that rigid law and order isn't always good.
I think you could have done more with the lizard people on the island. They appeared twice throughout the entire story, but there was a lot of potential you could have taken with them. They were such interesting creatures that it's a shame you didn't delve deeper, but you had your reasons so I'm not sighing that much on what could have been. haha :D
| Reviewer chapter 8 . 6/20/2010
I've only just read chapter seven, and I see that you've updated while I was reading. This makes me smile.
Also, I thought I should let you know that this story is HIGHLY under appreciated by the masses. You should have seven-hundred reviews by now. This is fantastic literature, and you should be proud of your work. When I've finished with this, I'm going to see what else you've created with that brilliant mind of yours. I love these characters...and I wouldn't mind having my own Captain James Shelley in my life :).
| trustnme chapter 17 . 6/19/2010
Simply splendid. No sooner had I finished reading your message reply to me that I saw the alert for this chapter. I'm quite sad that it's about to be over yet eager to see what you've written to far for the sequel.
I laughed at the implication (intended or otherwise) when I read "Captain's Wife" as part of Eva's "duties." haha
What I especially loved, besides the ending - simple yet perfect -, was that you cleverly used "JAS" which is of course another nickname for James and another reference to Peter Pan. Also the "girlie" reference. Funny. Loved it! haha
As for Peter, you'd have to think about the logistics of getting him off Lost Island if we ever want to see him again. :D
| trustnme chapter 16 . 6/19/2010
I have not commented yet, not even last chapter, and I must say, you really know how to surprise!
Poor Peter. He could have been great. I'm sure it's just devastation and having Coulter's genes that turned him. Heh.
Everything's moving along well and very quickly. I tip my metaphorical hat to you for the ghost ship sequence. That was a clever redemption. Shelley's apology was very good and very, very sad. I loved it. Almost teared up myself. :D
Can't wait to see what's next!
| trustnme chapter 14 . 6/17/2010
Ah, finally managed to read this. Very excellent and entertaining as always. You know, with all that was happening with Eva and Shelley, I entirely forgot John was a priest. haha
Shelley's proposal was awesome and totally him. Abrupt with undertones of being sweet in his brash way. :D Kudos to you!
And seeing Peter wasn't a complete surprise, since all that noise that went on outside the door couldn't have possibly not have woken him.
Can't wait for the rest!
| trustnme chapter 13 . 6/16/2010
Ah, another exciting chapter. Honesly, I was with Shelley and was screaming half the time reading for Eva to already kill Coulter when she had the chance. haha
I really thought Coulter would read Eva's message aloud, or at least give it a read, so I was surprised when he did tear it up.
Congrats on winning the L'Action Award! You definitely deserve it!
| trustnme chapter 12 . 6/10/2010
I would like to say first off that I have missed you! haha Very, very good and intriguing chapter. I was thoroughly disgusted by Coulter's implications towards Eva, especially after reading your little sidenote at the very end about the kissing bit.
I really like how you paralleled Peter's situation with "The Prince and the Pirate" story, and you brought about that parallelism very well, too.
I was gagging a few times with the Coulter-Eva interractions. Just plain creepy. haha I have an inkling where are you going with this, but then again, you left so much to go into different directions, so I'll keep what I have in mind to myself for the while.
Awesome job! Can't wait for the next chapter!
| lili999 chapter 1 . 5/23/2010
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| trustnme chapter 11 . 5/22/2010
And I thought the chapter before last was your emo one? haha I'd call this chapter more tragic than emo, although there is a lot of brooding!
You had me totally guessing and wondering what I had missed when Shelley and Eva kept worrying over Lachlan's words UNTIL you finally explained what they'd been worrying about! I'd thought I'd missed it in the last chapter or something.
I found one small grammatical mistake:
However, infection set in despite his best efforts, and survival depended entirely on Eva's on strength, if even that.
*I don't think you meant to put two "on's" there. Heh.
I love your wordplay, especially when you described Shelley doing "absolutely nothing." Brilliant and witty. You know what? I knew he'd miss, but in that he actually would hit her, just not kill her. haha
And I just LOVE you "I love you" scene. So simple and yet has all the impact any cheesy romance novel tries and fails to make!
Overall, this chapter was just so fraught with terror, rage, and unfathomable sorrow! You are truly one of the few great writers on Fictionpress, and I don't say that lightly! I'm very intrigued as to Shelley's last words to Coulter and am eagerly waiting to see where the story goes!
| trustnme chapter 10 . 5/17/2010
Lovely chapter. Shelley's bipolarity is always amusing. I wonder what made him so happy? haha
I really do now sense Patrick O'Brien influences. Especially with Shelley and Lachlan as foils. I was very impressed that Lachlan knows how to pick a lock. haha
What I loved most about the chapter was just Shelley's quips to almost everything. He was so entertaining!
Can't wait for the next one!
| Daimond Dream chapter 9 . 5/16/2010
I'm glad to report that I really like the story thus far. You have a very nice style - I like the way you express yourself. It seems - sophisticated? At any rate - it's really good.
| trustnme chapter 9 . 5/15/2010
I'm just taking my FIRST Final TODAY! So lucky!
Anyways, 50th review! Yay! - haha
Interesting chapter. Many, many things going on. It seems Eva doesn't want to confront what happened the night before with Shelley... I'm sure as we've all noticed by now that she undeniably has an attraction to him, so could her hesitation be from her near-rape experience then? I swear, she's absolutely torturing Shelley in this chapter with her "innocent" gestures and words. Poor guy.
As for Shelley, his bipolarity was quite frustrating in this chapter. When he told Eva about his story, I kinda felt it was anti-climactic yet very riveting at the same time. I don't really know how to explain it. It's like you'd think it'd be much much worse and yet it is pretty bad considering what we're told of his character. Although, you did cap it off nicely with his outburst about his fear, so good job. haha
So once again, I was very very impressed by your nautical knowledge, this time concerning the masts. *virtual applause*
Can't wait to read more!
| trustnme chapter 8 . 4/21/2010
Oddly enough, I didn't find this chapter cheesy as you implied. Shelley's character - with its almost bipolarity - keeps it from being cheesy. The entire dancing sequence was a bit fluffly, but still good.
| luzanima chapter 1 . 4/19/2010
I'm excited to learn you're editing this! I read it ages ago and found it to be so much fun. Are you envisioning any plot changes, or just cleaning things up?
| dru83 chapter 4 . 4/12/2010
So, I've read up to chapter six and everything is nice so far. The fun thing about this kind of writing is that you can be grammatically incorrect, as in the pirate's language, and it makes the story better. Here's some edits for Chapter 3:
This, not his:
However, as he helped her to her feet, he added in a serious voice, "You must understand, miss, that his(this) is simply an exception.
that, not which:
Lachlan made a face which(face that) he tried to hide discretely, but Eva still noticed it.
Also, "I wouldn't drink" or "I would not drink":
He led Eva carefully belowdecks(below decks) and added in a soft warning, "The biscuits aren't so bad as long as you don't mind the occasional weevil, but I wouldn't [not] drink the ale if I were you.
Also, to be grammatically correct, it should be ever instead of never, but I'm not sure if you wanted it to be correct or not:
"Soft?" Eva turned slowly upon Alf with a dark scowl upon her face. "Who said anything about [sioft](soft), my friend? Has the captain [n]ever invited you into his cabin?"
He abruptly stood and offered her an arm, letting her lean heavily upon him as he led her abovedecks(above decks).
There were a few sentences where you could have put a comma after the initial word to set a pause point. This mostly depends on how you feel about how the character speaks. However, I think a comma would work well here:
Lachlan chuckled. "Well(,) Alf certainly won't be found anywhere in your vicinity for a long time."
Semi-colon instead of a comma:
She felt inclined to make him wait,(wait;) nevertheless, she made her way resolutely from the cabin.
Whole, not who:
"Besides, I think the who(whole) process is ridiculous, the way eligible men strut about in front of young ladies, flaunting money in their faces and talking of good matches as if it was simply business."
I think this should be "the two of them;":
The man crouched in front of the [both of them,] (two of them;) oblivious to the indignant stares he received.
I'm not sure here, but I think it should be gentle women, not gentile women:
"I'm only telling the truth. I doubt you know a thing about (gentle) gentile women at all."
Because it's at the begining of a quote, "you" should be capitalized here:
"You, sir," she breathed, "you(You) are the vilest, lowest kind of villain. You revolt me, and if I could, I would rid the world of you."
All right is two words:
She stifled a groan and smiled at Peter's round white face to prove she was alright(all right).
Well, that's all for this chapter, I'll proof the other chapters eventually. Don't be put off by the number of edits, they're mostly just little nitpicky things. So, I've read everything you have up so far and everythings pretty good and I can't wait for more.